a life between two worlds

It was easy to be happy. Children were a blessing. A blessing she would never personally experience (for numerous reasons) but a happy occurrence nevertheless. What was more, was that the celebrated children in question came to a far deserving mother and her dear friend. It seemed as if she and Eularia had lived many lives together what with the connection they shared when it reality it was just one lifetime with hills and valleys they happened to travel through together.

A long time ago Aethra made a promise to her friend. A promise to protect her blessings to her greatest ability. It was a promise she took great pride in upholding and all she asked for in return was to share in their lives at a respectable distance. She was quite fond of babies and toddlers as they tugged at a very neglected part of her soul. Of course it wasn't the only reason she enjoyed the company of her majesty, but it never hurt and she had a boundless amount of time to spend with her friend. Busy as they both were, Aethra saw fit to prioritize the relationship and with little secrecy as to her preference. She was confident enough in her own abilities should things become an issue. 

But now was not the time for politics. Now was the time for indulgent cuddles. 

Hands folded in front of her as they usually were when she walked through the palace, she smiled warmly as the doors were swept open and she was announced into the room. She beamed at her queen, her sister, her friend, the sight of the two bassinettes of course not going unnoticed. Vhen'vi'dirth, dear heart.

Eularia had not been expecting visitors; or had she? She couldn't rightly remember. Had she forgotten that Aethra was coming to meet the two newest editions to her bloodline?

The queen was unhappy that they were in the palace; but she had not yet come to the conclusion that she might abdicate the throne to her son. She needed... assurances, that the boy would be watched after. That the country would be watched after.

And even still, the affect living in the palace, ruling, was having on her was more... pronounced, with the last few years events. Having her family on the run, pretending she'd killed her husband, having his faked death go wrong...

...only to fall back into the arms of an old lover, fall back into love with him, earn the ire of her children, and then learn her husband had not left her but rather had been cursed and forgot who he was.

The guilt was eating her alive, and so was pretending to be something she wasn't. She'd been happy, pretending, for years. But then, she supposed that every false truth has an expiration date. And she must be coming up on hers.

When Aethra was announced, she'd find the queen dressed in nothing but a night-slip, dishelveled, freshly awake, nursing one twin whilst another was cradled close.

Magnus would be upset to hear that she'd invited a Talon into her quarters. They were smaller quarters, as she did not stay in the royal suite anymore. She and Magnus kept a guest room, that she much preferred because it did not remind her of Francesco and all of the wrongs she'd committed against him.

Oh— She exclaimed, knee-jerk reaction was to hold the child against her breast tighter. —Aethra? She furrowed her brows as she studied the other.

I... did I know you were coming? I'm sorry, I'm a mess. She looked tired, dark circles under her eyes, hair thinning in places (especially visible when worn down; perhaps she'd worn her hair up all these years to hide the damage that stress was having on her body) and the fact the room was in total disarray, a trait unlike her.

That was on purpose dearest. I don't want you fussing because of me and I knew you would. She smiled as she swept into the room, her dappled grey great cape concealing a considerably less plain pelisse. Navy on black, the Nero aesthetic, ever ostentatious despite their muted tones. She played a part for the rest, a crow like the rest of them, and one with expensive (arguably gaudy) taste. In reality she was entirely the opposite. She'd lived long enough that materialism didn't satiate her needs as it used to. Partaking in the corrupt politics of the other Talons weighed heavy on her conscience, so it did well for her morale and self-respect to visit the people who reminded her of who she really was. Eularia Lovette-Campana happened to be on such person. 

Darling She cooed as she neared, pulling off her cape in a flourish. You'll forgive me won't you? She leaned down to press and affectionate kiss on the queen's forehead before she eased to the side to observe the nursing babe. Maybe while you also excuse me for disagreeing with your woefully misguided opinion, because you're transcendent Aethra had a feeling her friend would balk at the compliment but she would never recount her words, especially since she meant each and every one of them. She never spoke unless it was worth speaking after all and Eularia well knew that by now. 

As she stroked the downy soft head of the infant her eyes turned even softer with affection. And which one are you, poppet? Not that it mattered, so would adore them equally.

Eularia huffed at the older woman. I appreciate a fair warning, Aethra. She grumbled, though she had to admit the timing was pretty good. She needed to discuss her escaped-husband.

So much was going into motion that it felt surreal. The suckling child pressed to her breast just reminded her that things were changing and she needed to change with them. She adjusted the infants, and sighed as if it truly took a lot of power to forgive her friend.

I forgive you. Besides, you need to meet your  godchildren. Aethra was more of an aunt to the Campana children, they had chosen godparents from Francesco's choosing. But the Rhysand babies?

She trusted the woman in front of her with her life, and on more than one occasion, she'd had to put that trust into use. Aethra complimented her, and she chuckled drily, You're too sweet. Or perhaps blind? She teased, quietly.

Magnus had been out for most of the day; where she wasn't sure, but she had said she'd be okay alone. After all, she'd kept a country afloat and reared four children. She could handle the newborns, and if she truly found herself needing help, the palace maids would step in.

As Aethra spoke to the baby, she chuckled softly. This is Verity, and this little girl is Sonnet. She shifted to offer the non-nursing twin to Aethra, smiling brightly. The elf would note that each child wore a different color, to ensure they could be told apart. And the clothing was emboidered with an 'S' or a 'V', if she cared to look closer.

As Verity finished nursing, she settled her on the bed and moved to stand, placing a pillow on either side of the child out of precaution that she might suddenly learn to roll, despite being nowhere near that age.

I needed to talk to you, anyway, so it's good that you came. She stated, as she swept laundry into a pile, before pausing in front of the closet. The dresses and gowns kept here were... non-corseted, and typically something someone of a lower class might wear. But that had always been her preference, she thought these gowns were more beautiful than anything a gaudy noble might wear.

She dressed easily, unbothered by the presence of the other woman in the room. It wasn't anything Aethra had never seen before, after all. Francesco, his death was... faked. And he was supposed to spend this time in hiding. However, somewhere in all of this, he was forced to forget. She paused, carefully brushing her hair out with her hands, though it would do the curls no good. She shook hair from her fingers, even just running her fingers through her hair had pulled enough away to make it stick to her hand.

Your royal pardon is all I desire, Your Majesty She curtsied with a practiced ease, smiling conspiratorially all the while. They often played this game together, who could best the other in wit. Much to her chagrin, it was often Eularia who bested the Crow. Which left the elf biting her own tongue to spite her own failed prowess. Ultimately, it drove her to love the woman all the more.

At the mention of babies, her expression brightened as if her attention wasn't already fixated on the infants. Still, her hands clasped excitedly as she waited for the opportunity to hold one or both. She would not leave this room until she'd had her fill of each. Babies? I had no idea. she quipped loudly, doing her best at looking shocked there were babies in the room at all. Eularia Lovette-Campana with children? A sight truly unseen by many. She felt a laugh bubble in her throat then and did nothing to stop it, her cheeks flushing with mirth. 

Blind, yes. That must be it. She rolled her eyes, smile still present as she leaned down to stroke the chubby cheek of the one named Verity. A truth-teller then? Won't have to worry about that one at all She raised a brow knowingly at her friend as she accepted Sonnet into her arms with a gasp of glee. And what beautiful prose you will make my love! She cooed as she settled the babe in her arms. It had been years since she held a child but nothing seemed to change in the way she responded when presented with one to hold, muscle memory and all.

Gently bouncing in place, she offered her pinkie finger to the lethargic infant who no doubt had a belly full of milk and was well on her way to a serene snooze. A tiny hand squeezed the finger and Aethra could feel her heart leaping in her chest. She smiled wide, so wide her cheeks hurt and blinked as a familiar sting swelled in her eyes, irises lining with silver reflection. The only thing that kept her from outright sobbing over the beautiful miracle of life in her arms were the Queen's next words as she stood to walk towards her wardrobe. Oh?

But when Eularia continued, Aethra's face fell considerably, though she continued to rock the infant in her arms. She'd had her suspicions but this confirmed it. She'd never felt right accepting his death as a reality. Sometimes she really hated being right, it was peevish at best. Devastating at the worst. Him being forced to forget however, was something she did not figure in to her possible outcomes. This wasn't good, it wasn't good at all. 

She swallowed a lump in her throat, feeling her cheeks drain of color. Before she spoke, she looked down at Sonnet, finding her now heavy lidded with fatigue. Aethra took the opportunity to walk over to the bed and snuggle her in next to her sister. 

With her hands free, she immediately crossed the room to her friend and pulled her into an all consuming hug. Where is he now? She asked as she pulled back. Finding him was the first step in all of this wasn't it?

Eularia raised her eyebrows, as she enveloped in a hug. Antiva, I believe? We think he's gone back to his roots, to who he was before me. She explained, biting her lip. She'd spend a few decades managing her husband's eccentricity, dealing with the parts of himself that he needed help to manage.

The drinking, the sex, those were just part of it.

He hasn't changed too much, I'd imagine. She shook another palmful of hair free from her fingertips. Could I trust you to do anything necessary to bring him home and convince him to stay here? She didn't hesitate as she asked.

She couldn't risk hesitation.

The only way he commits, is if he loves you. She explained, crossing her arms to study her friend. If not for her pointed ears and age-difference, they might be half-siblings.

And committing is the only thing that'll make him stay in one place. She added, moving to a bookshelf where a pile of leatherbound journals sat. As a Crow on the job, she had taken many notes over the years. His quirks, his triggers, his preferences, things he was okay with but did not enjoy.

These journals... they're everything I know about my husband. She explained, tapping her fingers across the leather front of one.

As she let the room drift into silence, save for the quiet burbling of infants on their way to a nap,  she flipped one of the journals open. Dated when she was just a girl. She detailed the process of how she'd made the prince love her, in case she'd been pulled off the mission and replaced. Which had been a very slim possibility. Can you do it? Any means necessary. He's safer here, even if he's fallen in love with someone else.

At least he was still in Antiva. That was a good sign. Should that prove to be true, it would greatly narrow the search considering she had quite a network in the City at her discretion. Perks of being who she was. But that ended the good news in this spiral of terrible revelations and admissions. With her arms still stretched to embrace, she rubbed circles on her friend's back in what she hoped was welcome comfort. 

Her first instinct to the question was an emphatic, yes! of course!. It hardly bore consideration. Even if Eularia hadn't asked her and she was somehow in possession of this knowledge, she'd take it upon herself to bring the king back home. But again, she was sent reeling as her friend continued. Her brow furrowed deeply and she inhaled to speak only to think better of it and continue to listen in silence. The idea forming here wasn't something she'd consider in her wildest dreams unless Eularia was the one to suggest it. As that was indeed the case, she found herself in quite the predicament as her morality contorted in her gut. 

Her hands went to her hips as the queen continued. Aethra's eyes followed her as she plucked a stack of well-worn journals from the bookcase. 

Any means necessary. 

She had a feeling those words were going to haunt her for years to come. Her decision in this would turn their entire dynamic on its head and she didn't know if she was ready for that. After a prolonged silence, she finally exhaled loudly after pacing from one end of the room to the other in thought. I- she began, and then laughed all of the sudden. It's not often I'm at a loss for words. Congratulations darling, I think you've achieved new levels of insanity. Her hand wiped over her mouth as she continued to parse through her thoughts. I'm sure you're aware how ludicrous this sounds and I understand why you're asking this of me as opposed to someone else but, she crossed her arms across her chest in a self soothe.  

Finally after another extensive pause she held her hands out for the journals with a resigned sigh. Fine. Are these in order?

Eularia preened, as if making her friend speechless had been the entire point of this presentation. Aw, that means so much, you know. I always want to know my insanity levels. She chuckled, rolling her eyes at the other Crow's antics.

Aethra self-soothed, and Eularia let her gaze wander across her friend's features. I ask this of you, because I trust you. I need to know that whoever brings him home, will stick around for the long-game, because I have no idea who's cursed him.

She paused, listening to the cooing of the infants as they slept. And... most likely, the only way you'll get him to stay here is if he commits to you. You need to make him love you. And the man had never loved anyone but her.

She was literally the authority here.

These are, she gestured to the journals. I guess, since you're here... we can go through them together.

She was rattled, disoriented and all together beside herself, but she still wouldn't utter the words. She wouldn't say what came to her mind.

Why not just make him fall in love with you again? 

Because she knew why.  For one, she wasn't blind, she knew Magnus Rhysand would never remain the forgotten lover forever. Just as she knew that Francesco never wanted to share from the beginning. It wasn't an option and they could both understand, straight forward though it was. But Aethra?  

Even she didn't know who she was these days. How was she supposed to keep those transient parts of her hidden making a hideously mortal error. A point she'd never considered before, love for thrill of it. Because the thrill was allowing one to embrace the fragile sensations inside of them when they say a special companion. Falling in love was the win and lose condition at once. He was supposed to love her and if she loved him back, she would never forgive herself for it. But to her friend she just nodded gravely. She'd certainly been asked to do worse. 

She blew out another woeful sigh, should other woman feel like questioning her reticence again. 

Nodding, she motioned to the pair of chairs. They might as well be comfortable. Tell me how to seduce your husband

Eularia had considered just making her husband fall in love with her again. But it felt wrong, when she thought about it too long. Not because of Magnus; no, he was more than willing to share her with as many people as he had to, so that she would be happy.

It felt wrong because... it felt like a lie. This was not to say she didn't love her husband; but rather, she didn't want him to fall back in love with her when he did not know her.

Didn't know the things that had occurred in his absence.

They still had no idea how her Francesco would react to everything; the twins, Magnus... sharing. So much was up in the air until they found this mage and undid this curse.

But she needed to ensure he was safe, first.

Good, she agreed, as she moved to settle into a chair, plopping journals on the nearest table. Eularia would go into extensive detail about the start of her ordeal with Frankie, her orders, the intent behind every action she had performed.

As she talked about her time in the earliest of days with the king, she smiled wistfully at her friend. I was terribly convinced, back then, that I loved neither Magnus nor Francesco. In fact, I had no idea that Magnus felt that way about me—it never crossed my mind, until one night...

She described how she had practiced hand-to-hand combat, and not using her magic so that she might continue to hide among non-mages with Magnus. And she described one night, when the ground was damp from an evening rain, she'd pinned Magnus underneath her. Fully pleased with winning this spar, she had not been expecting the kiss that he initiated.

Eyes bright, she glanced over at Aethra. But I was also convinced I did not truly care for Francesco. He was a job, at least, that's what I told myself. She chuckled wryly, It wasn't until... towards the end, when I was being sent away, that I realized I loved him as well.

She was back where she started, really. Dating one man, married to another. The same two men.

We'd agreed to meet that night... the night his mother sold me, she scoffed as she mentioned Adaria Campana. I never showed. And he questioned all of my friends, most of them Crow, but he couldn't have known that.

Her lips settled into a pursed line, as she flipped through the journal. Frankie went on these self-destructive benders. And Magnus... well, he purchased one of our favorite taverns, and tried to build a life with another.

It hadn't worked out.

And it wasn't working out for Frankie, at least, not the way he'd probably hoped.

Her smile had faded, some of these memories were not fond ones. However, she's eventually flipped through to a page in the book, detailing 'favorites' about the king.

I have some dresses you'll need to wear. I can have the seamstress fit them to you, she moved to stand, retrieving a marigold yellow dress. Faded from being well-worn, repaired often, and yet a precious item.

Eularia did a little dance as she held the dress against her front, grinning sheepishly at Aethra. This dress is... very outdated, to modern standard. She held it out, It is also his favorite dress. He wears a cravet made from it, too. It had been longer then, but was shorter now.

It didn't matter how many times she heard the stories. Knowing Eularia the way she did meant that there were very few unknowns between them. Granted, some of the things she was hearing now, she didn't know before. Her first kiss with Magnus, exactly how contentious her union with Francesco was, even the detail about Magnus trying and failing to move on. Details of Magnus were still novel to her.  Therefore, she could only speak to the circumstances to which she'd personally borne witness. She knew Eularia and Frank together, just as everyone else knew them, she considerably more intimately, but nevertheless. Antiva knew the Campanas, loved them for a time, celebrated the births of princes and a princess. They were a spectacle just as any royal family, forever at the forefront of conversations, unavoidable, unattainable. Royal.

With her chin rested on the heel of her hand, Aethra listened. A Mona Lisa smile throughout, an ambiguous expression that could be taken multiple different ways. Her eyes however, they reflected something slightly different. They shimmered with glassy reflection as she willed away tears inconvenient to her in this moment. In all of this she remained quiet, in reverent observation. She was meant to learn from this and absorb as much as the tiny details as possible. 

The Crow sat up straighter when the Queen moved for the wardrobe to retrieve a gown. She leaned in while Eularia told her about the dress, how it would be tailored for her own body, how it was Frankie's favorite, and pinched some of the fabric between her fingers. If she was expected to play the part she might as well become as intimately knowledgeable as possible. It's beautiful, truly. She didn't know why but guilt crept up to her then, constricting her throat and causing a tightness in her chest. A guilt that did not make sense but she weathered all the same. 

Tell me how to seduce your husband.... as if it were ever going to be so simple. 

Eularia, She began as she settled back into her chair. Please do not hate me for asking you again. But what of the children? Is it possible for him to know his own blood, even if he does not remember anyone else? And they....they already love him 

And I'm afraid to.

--- RETCONNED ---