When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

Cullen was settling in quite well into his new duties for King Byron, even if the rift between him and Lana still weighed on him, and he was finding that he was also terribly missing Anders since he left Amaranthine to live in Denerim.

His days were filled with training new recruits and ensuring the security of the palace, but the nights were often long and lonely without his old companions. Given the duty to go to Starkhaven for some matters, he jumped on the chance. Perhaps a change of scenery was just what he needed.

Arriving in Starkhaven via the Eluvian network, he went straight to the palace. After meeting with Inez, he had some time to kill before he checked in with Prince Sebastian, so he found himself in the palace inner courtyard.

Taking in the beautifully manicured gardens and the tranquil sound of a nearby fountain, he found a moment of peace amidst his otherwise busy schedule. Though the peace quickly led his brain gremlins back to thinking about Lana, his marriage, his friend Anders, and suddenly he felt like there was an enormous elephant sitting on his chest. He felt light headed so he found a bench to sit on, hoping the bad feelings would soon clear, but a clear look of distress etched on his face and in his posture.

Leaf’s day had been mostly uneventful. Since Sebastian was to be with Inez most of the day, she had taken some time for herself and her meditations. A suggestion she was trying to help settle the demon’s spats. Yet sitting still was difficult, finding her mind all too willing to wander, reminisce and contemplate curiously over the recent revelations. She’d caught herself smiling far too easily and freely in the brief glimpses of her reflection, cheeks flushing and wondering if anyone noticed it.

Brushing it off and abandoning the suggestion entirely, Leaf took off for an easy stroll, walking had always helped her think, or cleared her mind when stuck. Someone else who looked stuck was a familiar figure sitting in the gardens, his face betrayed him entirely and Leaf couldn’t help but feel a pang of pity for Cullen. He’d always been upright and honest, usually fair minded when they’d crossed paths.

[color=#0074d9]“Gods, did you just find out someone shat in your bed, or is Starky’s kitchen not living up to a good old Ferelden stew?”[/color] Aoife greeted, stepping out from a shaded archway. [color=#0074d9]“I was supposed to be informed when you turned up. How are things in Sunny Ferelden?”[/color]

Cullen did his best impression of a smile when Aoife approached and spoke to him. He chuckled slightly at her comments. Though he couldn’t say much for the food, as he hadn’t been there long enough to try it just yet. He wasn’t exactly sure he wanted the first words out of his mouth to Aoife to be him unloading about his marital problems.

Things are... well, they're going, he replied, his voice betraying the forced cheerfulness. He took a deep breath, trying to shake off the heaviness of his thoughts. We’re still recovering from the Blight, which considering I don’t feel like we’d completely recovered from the Fifth Blight when the Sixth hit us, there’s been a lot of work. And how are things here in Starkhaven? I met with Inez, but I haven’t seen Sebastian yet.

[color=#c10300]Why does he look like he shat himself? [/color]

[color=#0074d9]… oh my gods Korr… [/color]

Leaf wouldn’t deny the fact that there was something obviously on his mind, yet she didn’t immediately address the lacklustre response to her greeting. Suspicions raised, Aoife nodded,[color=#0074d9] “Seb’s probably being talked into a coma from his Chantry advisor,”[/color] exaggerating the ick with a mock shudder.

Leaf shook her head, [color=#0074d9]“It’s nothing, dealt with worst Chantry dames between us. I think I’ve got her trained, a certain glare in her direction and she sometimes is wise enough to shut her trap.” [/color]

Reaching him, she’d take a seat on the bench. [color=#0074d9]“Is that how it is? No-one’s just died, I hope? You look… well you don’t look, okay? Did something happen, Cullen?”[/color]

Cullen let out a chuckle, a sound of amusement echoing through the room, in response to the humorous comment about Sebastian dealing with the Chantry Advisor. The mere thought of it brought back memories, reminding him of one of the aspects he had found quite unappealing about his tenure as a Templar. It wasn't that he carried any particular disdain or prejudice against those associated with the Chantry. On the contrary, Cullen himself was a follower of the Andrastian faith. However, he had to admit that he had lapsed in his religious practices over time, becoming somewhat detached from the core tenants he once held so dear.

I don’t think I’ve ever known a chantry member who didn’t love to hear themselves talk. He commented. Cullen wasn’t sure he envied rulers and all the people they were forced to put up with for the sake of their people. It had been a big enough job being Arl, and he was really only Arl because his wife Lana was made Arlessa. As Aoife poked a bit about why he looked so bleak, his his chuckle ended and a shadow passed over his face. Where did he begin?

No, no one’s died. It’s just, I’m not sure where to begin. He paused, how long had he and Lana been separated, two years? Three? All he knew was that it had been months upon months of trying to act like nothing was wrong while they faced the blight together, all while their marriage crumbled out from under him. Now on top of all that, since moving to Denerim with the end of the Sixth Blight, it had made him realise just how much he missed having Anders around.

Things aren’t good with me and Lana, we’ve been separated for awhile now. Just tried to put on a good face while we dealt with the blight. Now that the blight’s over, I’m advising for King Byron in Denerim, hence my trip here, but it’s been hard being away from everyone, even if Lana and I really needed the space. He explained.

It set her at some ease hearing him laugh, albeit only a chuckle. It broke a little of the heaviness across his brow, distracting the thoughts at the forefront of his mind. While Aoife had always held some belief in the Maker, she was not a close follower of the Andrastain faith. It had some core values, certainly, but Leaf believed that those same principles and morals could be understood without the religious tenets attached to it. It was something she and Sebastian had talked about into the early hours, the openness to discuss issues easy in his company.

[color=#0074d9]“Oh trust me, she is the worst even I have come across. I should know, my history is pretty sketchy as is with the Chantry.”[/color] She’d chuckle, but seeing the shadow cross his face the line in her brow furrowed yet again.

She took a seat on the bench, making an effort to give him time to start when he was ready. Her eyes looked over the garden, brows steadily raising as he revealed things were not as rosy back in Ferelden. [color=#0074d9]“Well, Shit.” [/color]Leaf eventually breathed out, offering the man a look of mixed condolences and sympathy. [color=#0074d9]“That’s… rough. I’m sorry. How… how are the kids?[/color]” She was surprised, but also not. The darkspawn put a strain on the Wardens at the best of times, but during a Blight? Then of course there were other factors, the Arling, the expectations with the nobles and all that drama. It was a wonder any relationship survived that minefield at all. [color=#0074d9]“I can’t say I’ve any advice either, cos I don’t and I’m sorry.” [/color]

Cullen chuckled at the comment about Aoife’s history with the Chantry, once upon a time he’d been a devout Andrastian, but then his eyes were opened to how the mages were treated and he became disenchanted fairly early in life. Mainly thanks to Lana.

He rubbed the back of his neck when Aoife said, well shit, to his news. It wasn’t easy to admit out loud, it was hard enough to admit to himself. As she asked about the kids he sort of shrugged, as far as he could tell they were doing all right, but then they were both grown now, so he imagined that helped some.

I think fine, well, as fine as can be. They’re grown so, no having to explain to a little kid why daddy isn’t living with mommy any more. He still loved Lana, despite their issues, but at the moment he just couldn’t see a way past them. When Aoife mentioned not having any advice, Cullen shrugged.

Not so sure about that, you also share yourself with a demon. I mean I thought I was OK with it, but hers is so active, I feel like I’m sharing my marriage with this unwelcomed guest most of the time, and things just got to a boiling point. He did his best to explain, he still didn’t trust demons, but for the most part Lana seemed to be able to handle hers.

Her brow furrowed a little deeper as he shrugged. Kids felt things, even grown ones. [color=#0074d9]“Still have to check in, Dad,”[/color] her smirk spread, quickly falling into a series of snickers. Sobering quickly, Leaf offered the only advice she could think of, perhaps what maybe she’d have hoped for from her own father at one point. [color=#0074d9]“Just… keep listening, pay attention. Kids can bury shit they don’t even realise is bothering them. You’ll be set then.” [/color]

At offering advice, Leaf pulled a face. [color=#0074d9]“Heh, yeah, cos I don’t have my own problems with my demon…”[/color] Rolling her eyes a little she struggled to find the words at first. The admission was never easy to admit. [color=#0074d9]“It’s not simple. It’s not black and white. Everyone's experience is different and in some ways I envy that she and hers can coexist, Korr and I … well, there’s a reason I left Kirkwall. Nearly proved them all right if I hadn’t got a hold on him.” [/color]

Leaning her body forwards, Leaf’s arms rested on top of her thighs, gaze staring off. [color=#0074d9]“For us, it can feel like having an unwanted guest in your very body and mind, who knows and has nearly complete access to every part of you. A boiling point is unavoidable.”[/color] She understood his distrust, her own was deeply rooted given her past experiences. [color=#0074d9]“Don’t make a face, but I’ve… been speaking to Circle people regarding helping me out with mine.” [/color]Glancing over, Leaf narrowed her eyes, daring him to make a face. [color=#0074d9]“Do. Not. Make. The. Face.” [/color]

Her, the Champion of Kirkwall, seeking out the Circle for help. No one would believe it.

Cullen listened intently, hearing someone else’s experiences was a pretty big deal. It wasn’t like he blamed Lana for it, but when her demon took control, it just made him so uncomfortable. In the back of his mind he worried sometimes, what if the demon took over permanently, what if he lost Lana to the demon.

Her demon seems to be all right sharing a body, but sometimes I worry, what if the demon stops being all right with just taking control sometimes and suddenly Lana is just gone. He did his best not to make any ‘faces’ when Aoife admitted to seeking the Circle for help. It was hard to believe that he’d once felt so strongly about the Circle and the Templars. If it hadn’t been for Lana and Anders’s influences, he might still be that person, who could know for sure. He just shrugged.

It’s a different time now, at least it seems to be. Sure some still want the Circles to go back to the way they were, but they are becoming more and more the minority. I just don’t see it happening, at least not without another war, and who wants that. Mages needed to learn, having Circles just made sense, as long as they were a place where the mages could learn and be safe and still have their freedoms.

The collapse of the veil had left them all scrambling, normality had been upended, at least what normality one could have. Leaf envied those who were lucky to have well tempered spirits, demons were troublesome and while she had tried to find fault with the First Enchanters idealism, it had merit. Demons were once spirits, they’d simply lost their way and become corrupted. That understanding though, did not offer much comfort either.

As he continued, Leaf couldn’t help how his words reflected on her face. A scepticism narrowed her eyes and with a flick of her wrist she’d flick his ear lightly.[color=#0074d9] “You know what keeps the shithead in me from running his mouth. My will. Lana’s not foolish enough to let her demon have complete full reign, not without some bargain or agreement in place.”[/color] Again she sighs, jealousy gnawing at her with another's experiences. 

She mocked daggers with her look, his face indifferent, but she knew fine well underneath was shifting. [color=#0074d9]“It’s still weird for me, but don’t tell anyone, but there’s a small, very small voice that did say, ‘What if we just… burn it like the other place?’ Had to have a frank word with myself that we are not in Kirkwall. I blame Korr entirely.” [/color]No. It wasn’t him, though the mage wouldn’t put it past the demon if given the opportunity. Still, the new circles were nothing like the old especially with the gentle guiding hand that Akribrus steered it with.

Cullen found comfort in Aoife’s words. It was true; Lana was not someone who would easily be overtaken. He also had to suppress a chuckle at the thought of burning down the Circle. It was far from ideal, but it was indeed a different time now. A time of learning, growth, and hopefully, reconciliation.

The world has changed, and we must adapt with it. We can't live in the past and expect the future to wait for us, Cullen said thoughtfully, his gaze distant as he pondered these changes and their implications. It’s strange to think there was a time that I blindly followed the Templars and the Chantry, if not for Lana and Anders I’m not sure where I’d be today.

His feelings for both Lana and Anders ran deep, even though he’d never outwardly admitted just what his feelings were for Anders, partly because for so many years it had always just been about his feelings for Lana.

She was out of her depth when it came to the inner workings of their relationship, but Aoife would offer what advice she could on what she understood. Everyone walking the path with magic had a different map, their journeys were not the same, similar yes, but each had to come to terms with their respective lots. Did they get busy settling, or did they make something of it, only they could really know or make the choice.

She gave out a small cackle of a giggle.[color=#0074d9] “Indeed it has. Too quickly for some, too slowly for others. It’s always been the way of things.”[/color] Nodding along with his musings her lips pursed in thought. [color=#0074d9]“Not sure if things would be worse, or better, if we hadn’t found that idol. If Dad had been honest about his time with the Wardens… could’ve saved us all a lot of trouble.” [/color]It was pointless thinking about the what if’s of a web of events long past.

[color=#0074d9]“The present, though difficult, is always better than the alternative of no present or lack of a prospective future…. You have me sounding like Seb. I don’t know if I like it or not.” [/color]

Cullen chuckled at her last comment, appreciating Aoife's ability to bring levity to such serious conversations. We all need a bit of Sebastian's wisdom every now and then, whether we admit it or not, he said, a lightness returning to his gaze. For now, I'll just keep moving forward, one day at a time.

With a shared smile of understanding, the pair fell into a comfortable silence. Cullen found solace in the companionship, appreciating the opportunity to share his burdens with someone who could understand. It was a reminder that despite the trials and tribulations of life, there was always hope and a chance for better days. Thank you, Aoife. Your perspective is...refreshing.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk about Lana and his problems any more, his brain just needed to digest what they’d talked about, and for at least a few moments he wanted to forget his problems back at home.

So how have things been with you any way? We haven’t talked in what feels like a million years. He said as he rubbed the back his neck and settled in a bit. Perhaps some distance would do him and Lana good, he definitely missed her, and Anders.

She wasn’t sure how, but her humour seemed to bring relief to those around her. Perhaps it was because of the Nightmare, or that on top of everything else she’d managed to somehow trudge through that made everything else so insignificant when one really thought about it. Forwards is about all we can do silly. I mean you can dodge left or right, but sometimes you just gotta take those hits as they come. Again she frowned. Gods damn that man, honestly. He’s got me spewing sunshine and rainbow words, like bloody proverbs. Ugh.

Tilting her head back, Aoife searched the sky in thought, enjoying the brief silence between the two friends. The compliment earned him a snort of a laugh, Don’t thank me yet. My record isn’t all that great.

Um… honestly? Better than expected. A shyness slipped into her smile, eyes continuing to look at the clouds above. At first, I thought I was going to plant a Chantry Sister, but then Seb… well. It’s going well. I needed a break though, had to… go let off some steam cos of Korr, my delightful demon, but I’m… I’m talking to the First Enchanter, we’re figuring it out. Leaf’s shoulders rolled awkwardly, uncomfortable with sharing too much details given the early flame of her relationship with the Prince.

Cullen nodded, understanding the need for some personal space - he certainly could relate to that. It sounds like you're managing things well, Aoife. And it's good to hear that you have someone reliable like the First Enchanter to help with...Korr. As for the rest, well, sometimes a break is just what we need to get our thoughts in order. I'm glad to hear things are well. There was still a part of him that held out hope that one day he and Lana would find a way back to each other.

Cullen added, Take one day at a time, Aoife. Things have a way of figuring themselves out eventually. He hoped the same for himself, that time away from Lana and Amaranthine would give them both breathing space and maybe then they’d figure things out easier than when they’d been living together, or maybe things just weren’t meant to work out and he’d just have to accept that one day.