Novella exhaled softly, staring at the lawyer as he declared that he had brought the appropriate papers. How often had this family dealt with something like this? Her brows furrowed, questioningly.
Her gaze flitted to Kaczor, as she spoke, and Ella's nostrils flared. Now, you want to speak to me? She stayed on the couch, her gaze glued to her wife's back, as the lawyer — and the servants — left them alone.
I've wanted to talk to you for the past three months, but all I got was hostile letters when I was trying to find ground with you, Novella. The swirling of the glass stopped, and she set the crystal aside. They're a packet that my family has had drawn up since my aunt married a mining baron. Auntie was the trendsetter in our family. Mother, well, my father isn't her first husband.
Kaczor came from a line of divorcees, something she had never wanted for herself. Did you, even once, ever love me?
Ella stared at her wife, shaking her head once. I was not well. I tried to kill my father a lot, early in training. She snorted, thinking back on it. I'm still not... well. But I'm better. She didn't go into the details; whatever was plaguing her wasn't just her demon; and she wasn't certain what else to call it other than a sickness.
Her lips pursed at the question. I... liked moments in time. Liked how you made me feel like the only girl at the ball, that one time. Or when we slept under the stars, telling each other stories... Her voice was quiet, paired with a slight smile, and she let her gaze drift absently away from Kaczor. But I'm not sure that I know what love is.
Ella bit her lip, Our marriage was arranged. And on top of that, it was fake. You never had to actually win my heart, I was sold to you. You've not been the worst person to spend my time with, but... I just want a choice. And I want you to know the real me, whoever she is, and have a choice too. If there's wedding vows in our future, I'd really like them to be real, to mean something to me.
She paused, before she murmured, I came here to propose that you court me, you and others—it isn't fair if you're my only choice. She spoke a bit louder, now, Court me, and if in a year, you aren't who I choose... we divorce. I'll even preemptively sign your family's papers.
I would have paid to see that, I don't think your father has ever liked me. She scoffed, I want you better, Ella. Her voice broke on her wife's name, as she cut the sob off, looking back out the window, drawing down a steadying breath, trying to blink back the tears that were already spilling down her cheeks, even as she tried hard not to let them fall.
I made a vow, when I was younger, that I would find someone I could love, and I'd marry them, and I'd never divorce, Ella. You.. doing this, I'll break two vows, the ones I did swear to you and come to honor with all my heart.. and the vow I made myself that I wouldn't .. She shook her head, the bitter half laugh all she could muster.
Come kiss me goodbye then, I.. I won't live through seeing you with other people Ella. But like you said, I won't trap you, it's not fair to you. You'll have your year. The papers will be here ready for you when you decide, but I.. She went to stand up, biting the inside of her lip hard, a little pain to focus on. I don't know if I'll be here if you come back.
Novella watched the other woman fall to pieces, and pursed her lips. Then you shouldn't have fallen in love with a stranger, Kaczor. You knew I was a spy, you told me so yourself. So why did you marry me? Because she'd needed the marriage to go through; she remembered the stories she'd told, how her biological father thought he had her under his thumb.
She didn't move from her seat, even as Kaczor stood, and asked for a kiss goodbye. You won't even try to court me? She snorted, nostrils flaring again. That's pathetic, Kaczor. If you won't court me properly, there's no need to wait a year.
I didn't fall in love with a stranger, Ella. I fell in love with the vibrant woman who played scared. The one who didn't treat me like a free meal ticket, who agreed to raise a child, really.. raise a child with me. I married you because I saw someone who needed an out as much as I did, and you can try and say it was an act, a show to trap me, as much as I thought I was trapping you to save you from a father that would have thrown you to any man who'd take you. She shook her head. I fell in love with the woman who took up my cause, while I was in jail, and ran with it. Who raised my child for me, and took memory crystals of all the days I missed, bot good and bad memories. Her fingers gripped the back of her chair tightly, as if letting go of it would have her crumbling.
The woman who I was never more sure of the first time we thought it was over and you .. I have courted you, Ella. I have courted you every day we've been together, and now you're saying I've not? I have given you, every bit of my heart, have put up with lies, manipulations, you choosing suicide instead of a life with me and now you come and say I've not courted you, and still insist on other people, a 'compromise'.
She moved to the door way, opened it, and reached a hand out, for the papers and a pen. As you say, there's no need to wait then. She was past tears now, she was angry, as she brought the papers over to the table, and opening the booklet to the last page, her signature scrawled across the line indicated for her before placing the pen down. There. Sign then. I'll have them taken before the Archon today, you won't have to worry about having a pathetic stranger for a wife to who death seems preferable anymore. I'll take Annie and go. The house will be sold, you'll be delivered any of your things. Benson and his family are now free. You give up all rights to the Tilani name and money. Annie will be declared a bastard, stripped of her inheritance and the Tilani name to make way for who ever I marry next to have the legitimate heir.
Ella shook her head slowly, Malachai wouldn't have let him hurt me. She finally admitted, drawing over of her legs underneath herself on the couch. You say Papa's never liked you. But he let me marry you. She hugged her leg to herself, staring at the floor. Malachai had offered her an out; but she'd promised she wanted it. She inhaled quietly, pieces slowly finding a place, in her mind's eye.
The papers were placed on a nearby table, and Novella stared. You can't have Annie. She doubted her brother would give the child over, anyway. I won't have you declaring her a bastard, either. She's legitimate. Her parentage isn't in question.
Foolish me to forget your father would have string the sperm donor up by his testes. She came to sit down next to her ex-wife on the couch, staring down at her hands.
And you can't have her either, Ella. She's ours. And if you and I can't work this out then she's going to grow up hating us both while we end up hating one another. And no Malik can't have her either. As much as the man loves her he's not her parents. She made no move to touch Ella, even if all she wanted was to pull the woman into her arms and never let go. Do you really think I wouldn't immediately turn right around and make a formal claim to get it back for her? She's my little girl Ella. Our little girl. Part of the reason why I take this. Take us so seriously. I saw what it did to my cousins.
Kaczor leaned forward, resting her head in her hands. I told you once, I don't do half ways.
Novella followed Kaczor's movements, dark eyes narrowed slightly. Then I guess I'm staying. She was already reaching for the packet of papers, tearing the packet in two and flinging one half at Kaczor. She deserves the best life she can get, and I'm not going to let your family's politics keep that from her.
Kaczor had promised to never force her to stay, and yet, this felt like another trap. Another shackle. Ella was staring past Kaczor, You win. She muttered, moving eventually, to stand. I'll remain married to you, to ensure our daughter has the life she was promised. I'll even attend events with you, and play the part of the doting wife. But I don't want to live in this townhouse.
She was staring out the window, now, fingers toying with the curtains. Find us another home. Nearer to my father, so I can continue my lessons and research.
Ella. She started as the paper was torn up and tossed aside. In any version of this do we both not continue hurting one another? She wanted to yell, to throw something, but that wouldn't help.
No 'doting'. You're my wife in name, and under my protection. Annie retains all. We'll relocate closer to Valentius. You'll ... take lovers if you want, they can never come into any home Annie or I reside in. She never knows you step out on the marriage. Keep your affairs discrete and know if I catch you in any of them I won't be responsible for anyrhing I do ar that point. We'll keep a joint bedroom for appearances, but you and I will have separate actual rooms. I don't want other lovers, so I won't take any offer of that. For the next six months, Annie goes to my parents, I'm leaving the country. She dragged a hand down her face. You do anything you want in the next six months. Heal, fuck other people, train, whatever it is you aren't getting from me.
She shook her head, and rose up off the couch. Now if you'll excuse me. I'm going to go hold my daughter and make arrangements for my trip.
Novella didn't answer. They were hurting each other like it was a game. Instead, she turned to grab Kaczor's hand, before she could open the door to leave. Don't send our daughter to your parents. Don't... leave the country. She didn't address the rest; perhaps she did want to take lovers. There had been a time where she'd been a whore, after all.
And we have to keep public face. Events, charities, galas. Rumors spread like the plague. She murmured, reached to drag her fingers along her wife's jawline, and she leaned up, onto her toes. Her kiss was harsh, though it softened, after a moment. Stay. Let me court you. Let me... try.
Then what, my love, we have this fight again a year from now, two weeks from now? How do we fix this? Kaczor's breath drew in sharply as she finally felt Ella's touch, all the fight and will to stand tall and strong gone as her fingers curled around her wife's, gentle, oh so gentle because there couldn't be any sort of pain between them this way.
Oh. The rumor mill, dishonor on both our houses, She tried to joke, through the tears, as she leaned her cheek over into her wife's hand, as she pulled the smaller woman close, hugged her close, because this was a language Kaczor understood, and she had been so restrained so far. The kiss was hard, desperate, it spoke volumes to the things neither of them could put in words, that neither of then could find the words for, most likely. Mostly it told Kaczor that they still loved one another, kisses like that didn't come from those who hated one another. Only love could have that raw an edge and remain intact.
You know I still love you, right? The person you think I don't see, that's a little too good at sneaking around, and easy to say just the right thing to keep everyone happy, that's never been truly okay with the idea of being a doting wife. I see you in there Ella, and I still love you, even if you think I shouldn't. Not a pedestal, not.. an impossible idea. A woman.
Novella let her gaze slowly trail over her wife's face, and she sighed. Kaczor was describing consistent pieces of Novella, and on some level that irked the chameleon. Maybe we have this fight a year from now. Maybe, another kiss, to the edge of Kaczor's mouth.
By the time Kaczor was joking with her, hugging her, Ella had settled, still tracing the planes of her spouses jaw, quiet. I care for you. That's... as much as I can say, right now. Eventually, she pulled away, to settle back on the couch, patting the spot next to her.
In our new home, I'd like my own room. But... I would not mind a shared room, in-between. I will not bring any lovers to our home, nor will any affairs see the light of day. She's careful with her wording, not to imply she won't have affairs, but also not implying she will.
Her hands clasp in her lap, We'll attend at least one event a week together. I'll resume working with my father as his assistant. I can't know about your little rebel friends, so they should meet elsewhere. She glanced down to her lap, I will give you a second child. We promised that Annie wouldn't grow up alone.
A breath, a pause.
Is... this agreeable?
The kiss was all she had to give; all she had to say, she'd said with it. Everything else was posturing.
I'll mark it on the calendar so we don't forget. The next kiss was more chaste, easier, not so much an affirmation, but a reassurance, an olive branch, and each of them were offering many, it wasn't lost on Kaczor that Ella was offering a lot in return. Once a month sleep overs. No sex. I'm not going to.. push for sex, just.. at least once a month I'd like to fall asleep holding you.. or you holding me. She followed to the couch and sank down into it beside her, offering an upturned hand to Ella. Kaczor felt like their talks went smoother when they had that physical grounding between them.
And we can revisit another child six months from now. We have at least another year or two before we need to try.. I.. if, you were to have hypothetical lovers in the mean time, promise me you'll never make me wonder if that child is ours or not, just as I promise in my hypothetical affairs, I will never have a child with another. All.. conjecture of course. She paused then.
Would it make it either for us.. if I leave that circle completely. Focus solely on my workings with the Archon from now on?
Novella hummed, quietly, studying Kaczor's offered hand, for a long minute. By the time she settled her hand into hers, Kaczor was talking about waiting to have another child. I'll take potions, to prevent pregnancy. Not foolproof, but it'd put the other woman's mind at ease.
I... do not want to change who you are. And that circle was important to you. Just... be discreet. And give me a heads up, if there's anything I should cover-up. Treason. That's what that was.
Ask the lawyer in? Might as well make use of him, you've got to pay him regardless.
