I was only walking through your neighbourhood

Cullen wasn’t having a great year, not that there hadn’t been good things. After all the Ferelden Sixth Blight was over, but sadly his personal life had taken a rather big hit this year. Feeling suffocated by the demon that possessed Lanariel, things came to a point where he felt the situation was untenable. He hated feeling that way, but there were times he felt like the demon spent more time in control of Lana’s body than she did, and he hadn’t signed up for a marriage of three, especially in this particular context. Afterall, he’d never minded that sometimes Morrigan had felt like a third wheel, she just never felt like this kind of third wheel.

With everything in Amaranthine and Vigil’s Keep being so tense, Cullen decided to go to Denerim and take Byron up on the offer to help him out with things there. Cullen wasn’t entirely sure what help he could be, but for Ferelden, he was willing to offer his sword and advice.

He hadn’t put a ton of forethought into his trip to Denerim. He’d packed a bag of the essentials, and Andie of course was in two, his Mabari, but as far as like what he was going to do when he got there. He hadn’t really thought much beyond, get to Denerim and get an audience with Byron to check in.

He travelled through the eluvian, Andie went out rushing ahead, excited to be on what she thought was probably just a fun trip, not that Cullen was planning on staying in Denerim indefinitely. When he got to the palace, he took a moment to rest and so he sat his bag down. Andie set about exploring every nook and cranny of the room they were in. Smelling everything, seeming a bit more excited than usual, but Cullen dismissed it.

When he heard someone coming, Andie bounded towards the person, butt waggling. Cullen was immediately ready with an apology for his dog. He’d had Andie since the Exalted Council, so she was going on six years old and was almost always found by Cullen’s side.

Sorry about her, she’s quite excited to be out and about smelling new things! He said as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Elanna had just finished sifting through some of the correspondence from the Bannorn, making notes as to who wanted what, who was now feuding with who, and trying to come up with some creative suggestions on how to keep everyone happy.  Sometimes there were things that she just took care of on her own that didn't even need to make their way to Byron, usually things that were small or that she could do on behalf of Highever.  This particular stack of correspondence was not falling into that category, however, and she was going to have to find some time to meet with Byron soon to review it all.

Deciding a walk would help her mull it over, she found herself wandering through the halls at the exact moment that a rather excited mabari came rushing up to her out of a nearby room.  A grin appearing on her face, she crouched down to pet her. [color=#17b529] "Oh hello there!"[/color] she said, giving the Andie a good scritch.  [color=#17b529]"You're not here by yourself, are you?"[/color]

She looked up when Cullen made his appearance.  [color=#17b529]"I see!"[/color] She turned her attention back to the mabari.  [color=#17b529]"Do you need the grand tour, Andie?"[/color]

She stood, attention now turned to Cullen.  [color=#17b529]"It's good to see you!  I didn't know you were coming to Denerim, what brings you here?  No more Blights or world ending events, I hope."[/color]

Cullen was happy to see Elanna. He smiled and and thought about the bag sitting on the floor. How did he explain his visit was of the more, semi-permanent variety, because then he’d probably have to explain why he wasn’t in Amaranthine with Lana and he was still coming to grips with it all. Where did he begin?

He imagined it could go either way, he could start with the relationship troubles that led him to finally take Byron up on an offer he’d made Cullen in the past about helping out in Denerim. He could also just say that and wait for Elanna to ask about Lana. He did his best to shove the thoughts from his mind and just focus on Elanna.

Well, hopefully to help out. I decided to finally take Byron up on up on it. With the Blight over and many people that were displaced rebuilding. I guess I feel like I might be of more use here than I can be in Amaranthine. It was as good a place as any to start. He imagined the conversation would of course swing around to his sons and Lana.

Andie was soaking up the attention that Elanna was giving, though occasionally she’d look back at Cullen. Maybe looking a bit worried, at least as worried as a dog can look. After all, she could sense that something wasn’t quite right with her master, and had witnessed many of the fights between him and Lana.

Elanna was a little surprised, but pleased to hear that Cullen had taken Byron up on his offer.  A friendly face was always welcome around these parts, especially one who she knew could be trusted to give good advice and propose solutions to all they were managing.

[color=#17b529]"Well, I'm sure he'll welcome the help.  I certainly will.  Do you know how long you'll be able to stay?  I know we won't be able to keep you from Lana for too long."[/color]  She didn't expect that this would be more than a temporary thing.  Cullen had made a point of prioritizing his family and she respected that tremendously.  She couldn't honestly say she wouldn't do the same if she had the sort of family he had.  As it was she tried not to go too long between visits with her brother.

Cullen winced slightly, him and Lana had done a good job keeping their relationship troubles under wraps. They’d been facing a blight, and had their children to think of; but things hadn’t exactly been good for two or three years now. Even sleeping in separate rooms. He wasn’t sure how to explain the last few years, or where to begin even. Though if he was going to spill his guts to Elanna, he was thirsty and tired. Perhaps they could find a better place to talk about it all than standing where they were.

That’s a uh, rather loaded question. Perhaps we could find a better place to discuss it? I could really use a drink of some sort. I mean if that’s ok with you. He hated the idea of being an inconvenience, almost as much as he hated the idea of telling Elanna all the details, but people were bound to find out now that he wasn’t even putting up the pretense of living under the same roof as Lana any more.

That was not the response she'd expected, and her expression became a bit more solemn to match the change in mood.  She hadn't had any idea that things weren't going well at home for him, and while she didn't want to jump to conclusions, it did put a different spin on him showing up with Andie and a bag.

[color=#17b529]"Sure.  Why don't we go back to my place - plenty of drinks and a little more private."[/color]  The Cousland estate was not terribly far from the palace, and it wouldn't take long to get there. As private as Cullen tended to be she didn't think that heading to one of the taverns was ideal.  Sure, they could probably find a corner, but this might be a conversation to have more securely away from prying eyes and ears.

[color=#17b529]"Plus, I bet Andie would enjoy the walk.  Won't you, Andie?  Lots of things to sniff along the way."[/color]  She gave the mabari a couple more pets, but her attention was more on Cullen, waiting to see how her suggestion landed.

Cullen perked up a bit, he hadn’t really talked to anyone about the troubles that had been going on at home for a few years now, so the idea of talking about them somewhere public just hadn’t settled well with Cullen. He looked visibly relieved at the offer to talk about them back at her estate.

That would be perfect actually. Plus it’ll give me a chance to get settled before I talk to Byron. It was bittersweet really, on one hand he was looking forward to helping out in Denerim, on the other hand the fact that it would finally give him and Lana some much needed space also depressed him a little bit. Truth be told when the troubles had started, he’d hoped they’d been solved by now.

I think sometimes Andie gets unnerved by the Eluvians, either that or she just misses the travelling time things used to take. All that walking and chasing squirrels as we went. He fell into step with Elanna as they headed to her estate.

Elanna smiled.  [color=#17b529]"I don't blame her.  I know it takes a lot longer without them, but the Eluvians have never been my favorite way to travel either.  I prefer to keep my feet squarely in this realm, thank you very much."[/color]  That they were so laden with magic she didn't understand also didn't sit totally well, but that wasn't something she was going to voice to him.  She'd grown more comfortable with magic over the years - living in close quarters with mages for some time would do that to you - but not everything was always going to sit right.

[color=#17b529]"Besides, you'd never want to miss all these sights and smells,"[/color] she said, gesturing to the city around them.  Was that a touch of sarcasm in her tone?  Oh, perhaps.  For the most part she enjoyed the city, but there were certain sights, smells, and messes that came with them she could do without.

Yea I was a bit suspicious of them at first. I can’t deny that they aren’t convenient at times, but I don’t know if they’ll ever stop making my skin crawl when I use them. He explained as they walked. His time with Lana had gotten him a lot more used to magic than he’d ever imagined he’d be, but there were still things that just, weirded him out no matter how hard he tried to act like they didn’t.

But it's good to be back on solid ground, in familiar surroundings. He took in the familiar sights and sounds of the city, a small smile playing on his lips as he watched Andie scamper around with youthful enthusiasm. He was convinced one of these times he used the Eluvian network he was going to get terribly lost. Thankfully, this time wasn’t that time.

I think the last time I was in Denerim was for the royal engagement party, feels like another lifetime ago now, but it’s only been about two years. Not long after the troubles with him and Lana had started, he thought to himself.

[color=#17b529]"Has it really been that long?  Now I'm embarrassed, I clearly should have invited you out well before now."[/color]  He and Lana always had an open invitation, of course, but she knew well enough that Cullen wasn't likely to take her up on it without asking.  That might be imposing, which was ridiculous of course, but such was the way of things.

[color=#17b529]"And here we are."[/color]  The Cousland estate wasn't terribly far from the palace at all.  It was large for Denerim, with its own gardens and stable, though small compared to the royal palace or Castle Cousland.  It had always been a second home for her family, though these days it functioned more as a primary home for her given the line of work she'd fallen into.

[color=#17b529]"Andie, did you want to spend some more time out here or are you coming with us?" [/color] The mabari was welcome to either.  The horses wouldn't be spooked; they were used to mabari, and there would be plenty for Andie to explore in either place.

[color=#17b529]"You can set your things down wherever, and I'll grab us some drinks, alright?"[/color]  Yes, Elanna employed a couple of people to tend to the estate, keep the place clean, the gardens and stables tended, and cook, but she had always kept the staff minimal.  The nature of her work was secretive at times and she didn't want anyone she couldn't trust absolutely to have access to her home.  So she did a number of things herself that others might have a servant do for them - such as going to the kitchen to procure a tray with wine, glasses, and snacks.

Bypassing the formal dining room for the much cozier parlor, she set down the tray for them to serve themselves and set to pouring drinks.  [color=#17b529]"Now, why don't you tell me what's going on."[/color]

Cullen, who had been wrestling with a lot of personal issues lately, was finding the change of scenery surprisingly relaxing. There was something about the new surroundings that allowed him to disconnect from the whirlwind of his life. He had some personal news he wished to share with Elanna, and the change of environment seemed to provide the perfect backdrop for such a conversation. As they walked together, slowly making their way towards her home, he found himself breathing a little easier, as if some of the pressure he had been under was finally starting to lift.

However, despite the calming effect of the new surroundings, his troubles still weighed heavily on him. He couldn’t shake off the feelings of unease and tension that had been building up over time. The separation from Lana, though it had been a mutual decision, was still a fresh wound. He wasn’t exactly thrilled about it, but he understood it was necessary. Even though the decision to separate had been a mutual one, he still found himself grappling with the reality of it, the emptiness that came with not having her around.

As they came to the estate, and Elanna asked Andie if she wanted to stay outside or go in with them, Andie paused and looked at Cullen for directions. Cullen simply nodded his head and with that Andie was off to explore and maybe chase a squirrel or two. Then Cullen followed Elanna into the home.

Once they had settled into the plush comfort of their chairs, and the crystal glasses had been filled with the rich amber liquid, Cullen allowed himself to sink back a little further into the chair's embrace. The room was filled with a comfortable silence, the kind that only comes with familiarity and trust. His gaze was fixed on Elanna as she spoke, her words punctuating the stillness. The question now was, how should he begin?

It was a daunting task, akin to standing on the edge of a precipice, preparing to plunge into unknown depths. He took a deep breath, steeling himself, and made a decision. It was time to rip the bandage off, to face whatever lay beneath. And with that resolved determination, he decided to simply start.

Well, the short of it, Lana and I are separated. We technically have been for awhile now, but with the blight going on, things were complicated. We agreed the blight and the people came first. So there was still a lot more to unpack, but at least he was finally revealing the meat of the matter.