You're My Only Hope

In the days since the ritual she'd undertaken with Jareth had revealed the true nature of the spirit within her Bethany hadn't quite known just what to do.  It seemed impossible that it was really a piece of Andoral, of one of the Old Gods, an Archdemon, who had been residing in her.  But they didn't seem tainted, they were just...

She didn't know.  She wasn't sure if they were unhappy with how things had turned out, that she had ultimately retained control of herself.  Maybe they were both still figuring that out.  It didn't feel completely settled yet.  Yes, she had ultimately won the confrontation, but the victory felt more tenuous than she'd like.

She also just didn't feel like she knew enough about the unlikely companion that had settled into her being.  Yes, she could ask and Andoral seemed willing enough to tell, but even their memories weren't complete and she knew so little about the Old Gods that wasn't from Chantry teachings.  And every so often she had started getting flashes of things - remembrances from Andoral if she came across something to spark them.  Context or memories that didn't make sense, and they seemed to come up randomly.  She never knew what would trigger it.

She was unsettled, and at a loss, and she didn't know what to do or where to turn.  It took a couple days to realize that there was someone who could very likely help her, and the moment she did she had a bag packed and was off to Soldier's Peak.

Once she arrived, she waited anxiously for Anders to come find her.  At first it was just a little fidgeting, which eventually devolved into pacing, and finally overwhelming relief when she finally saw him.  "Anders!  I'm sorry to show up like this, but I really need your help.  Is there somewhere we can speak privately?"

If you would have asked Anders a year or so ago if he would find sharing a mind and body with a demon something he would not only handle, but he would actually like and prefer other possessions.

But Ammit was like a cat in his attitude and behavior. As long as Anders kept him fed with something the demon seemed settled and relaxed enough. What the entity wanted changed from week to week. Currently, after sometime of Anders ignoring things like eating and sleeping in an urge to drown his grief in work Ammit had basically decided he was going to be quite literal to his element and Anders had been snacking and eating practically non-stop for the last three days.

Currently, he was biting into his third apple that hour, crunching on the firm flesh as his teeth pierced the glossy green flesh. It was tart and the juice ran down his chin, the demon purred within his soul, content.

He wasn’t exactly expecting visitors when one of the Arial’s pages came to him to tell him someone had arrived looking for him he made his way to where the woman was waiting. A smile cracked on his face as he saw none other than Bethany Hawke, pacing outside of the main structure at the Peak.

Bethany! This is a wonderful surprise. he said, finishing his apple and tossing the core over the paddock, the sounds of a griffon gnawing on it in his wake. He embraced Bethany gently and smiled, You look well. Come on, we can go to my study. How long are you staying?

Maker, it was good to see him again.  The last they'd seen of each other, well, Anders had not been in a good way and it was all she could do to stabilize him until others could get him back safely to Ferelden.  And of course she knew about the loss of Gefen, which had pained her as well.  Condolences didn't feel enough, but she'd still sent them.  Considering everything, he looked quite well.

She easily returned the embrace.  How long was she staying?  Now that was an excellent question.  Maybe she should have put a little more forethought into this trip of hers.  She usually did, but right now she felt a little off-kilter and it had totally slipped her mind.  [color=#68c4e8]"Not sure yet, actually.  Would you mind if it was for a few days?  I think I might need a few days."[/color] 

If this only took a few days that would be a miracle, but she didn't want to impose before he knew what she was here to ask for.

[color=#68c4e8]"Leaf sends her best, by the way,"[/color] she added as she followed him to his study.  Her sister was the only one beside Jareth who knew exactly what was going on, and she'd supported Bethany's idea to come here for a while.  At least until she knew more about how to manage things.

[color=#e82a1f]There is no "managing things", little mage.  We are bound and are unlikely to be unbound any time soon.[/color]

[color=#68c4e8]That is why I'm here, you know.  Now please, let me talk with my friend?[/color]

The loss of his husband had worn on him. Not that he’d talked to anyone about it. He just couldn’t. There were layers and layers of guilt that had built up over it. He’d followed the hare brained idea to go on the mission. His healing magic had messed up so he wasn’t able to save him or even get him stable. Everything was so firmly on his shoulders and he was carrying it by himself as he felt he should have.

You’re welcome as long as you like, Bethany. I’d love to show you around, introduce you to the griffons and such. he took her bag as they moved through the keep to his rooms. They were a bit of a mess, as was his nature, though the bed looked largely unslept in because it was. He hadn’t slept in it since he’d gotten back. His desk however… well stacks of parchment and vellum could make a lovely pillow if one stacked them the right way. I’ll set you up nearby, hm? There are some nice rooms across the hall.

Still, his home was quite a bit better than the clinic had been in Darktown. Warmer, with creature comforts he didn’t allow himself in Kirkwall. Rowan’s bedroom was off to the left and looked quite a bit neater. She was out at the moment though, probably getting into trouble or visiting Connor or the twins. They were all one big happy family up here. Something that Anders didn’t fail to notice. The boys felt as much his at this point as Rowan did.

He couldn’t follow that train of thought too much or he’d have to face a truth he knew but hadn’t acknowledged in all this time and didn’t feel like he ever could.

Anders smiled softly at the mention of his old friend and glanced up at the mantle where he kept the Deep Roads maps. The man was a sentimental bastard and for good or bad that had been a turning point in his life so he’d kept them.

How is she and the priest? I try to keep up with them at a distance considering everything. It’s the least I can do. Her public ‘execution’ of me allowed me to get out of Kirkwall and back here. I don’t want to involve myself in her life too much, anymore. He was well aware of the betrayal he’d committed on her when he blew up the Chantry and he was also well aware the woman was smart enough to know that in his possessed state a knife to the back wasn’t going to do much. He also knew Sebastian probably still wanted to stick a few more sharp pointy things into him so it was better he steered clear of Starkhaven.

Anders poured the hot water over some tea and put the cups in front of them both on a small table he cleared with magic. There were two overstuffed chairs that were the height of comfort and he slid into one, massaging his burn scared hands, I doubt you’re here to talk about your sister though. And if it were a social call you would have written. Is everything okay? Are you in trouble?

She relaxed a bit when he said she had an open invitation to stay as long as she needed.  And admittedly, she would be delighted to be introduced to the griffons.  Who wouldn't?  [color=#68c4e8]"That sounds lovely, thank you."[/color]

[color=#68c4e8]"I understand, and I'm sure she does too.  As for her and Sebastian, they're still dancing around the fact that they're in love with each other even after all this time.  Honestly, the looks they give each other when they think no one is paying attention... it's a miracle that someone hasn't just locked them in a room until one or the other gets over themselves enough to admit it.  Might have to do that myself if it keeps on like this for too long,"[/color] she mused.  She wanted Leaf and Sebastian to take things at their own pace, but Maker it had been, what, a decade at this point?  At some point an intervention was going to be needed if they didn't sort themselves out.

She gratefully took the tea, allowing the cup to warm her hands as they got to the crux of the matter.  [color=#68c4e8]"I'm not entirely sure on both counts, truthfully,"[/color] she admitted.  She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts before continuing.  [color=#68c4e8]"Since the Veil fell my spirit has just sort of quietly been there in the background letting me live my life.  That has changed."[/color]

[color=#68c4e8]"It turns out that my spirit is actually a shard of Andoral.  We had a confrontation, and for now I am still me, but they are very much awake now and I don't know what to do.  I thought you might be able to help," [/color]she looked at him rather hopefully with that last statement.

It was nice to have a good piece of Kirkwall around. So many of the memories there were tainted by that last fateful choice he made there. He deserved their anger and their feelings of betrayal. He had betrayed them. Whatever his intentions were they weren’t good enough and he knew no amount of apology would do anything to heal that.

Of course, Bethany was the kindest woman alive and he was sure she couldn’t hold a grudge if it had handles. It wasn’t surprising to him that she was the one that was here, talking to him. Giving him updates on the others. Maybe he should write Leaf? The worst that could happen would be her ignoring it. Or sending a return letter with creative profanities. The last he’d seen the woman she’d been comatose and he’d been standing over her like a watchmen, keeping those who would bother her away. He’d made himself scarce right after her recovery of course in order not to bother her. She had others he felt she would be more happy to see upon her waking. Helping her how he did was enough for him.

Why am I not surprised. I swear, they are either blind or more stubborn than iron. Maybe locking them in a room together is the only way to do something. he grinned, getting some fresh bread from the cabinet with some sweets and laying them on the table as well.

He settled in his favored chair, hands steepled on his chest, listening intently. A small frown settled on his face, his brow wrinkling. When she mentioned that her spirit was a shard he sat up a bit straighter and took a deep breath before heading for his books, Andoral isn’t a Evanuris… he muttered to himself, stretching his fingers out a bit from the phantom pain that Elgar’nan had left him with when he was pulled out of his body and soul, I can’t see anyone intentionally trying to piece Old Gods together so that’s… a bit of a relief at least. Are you missing any bits of memory? Shards are… Well, you’d be better off with a spirit or even a demon but it’s not all bad. If we can find out what the shard wants…

She shook her head.  [color=#68c4e8]"Nothing missing at the moment.  But I do get... flashes sometimes.  Knowledge or memories that aren't mine that come forth and it can be a bit overwhelming in the moment."[/color]  She wasn't sure whether or not it was intentional that they came forth in such a way, but she suspected not.  [color=#68c4e8]"I think we're still working through how to communicate with each other now that they're no longer a silent observer."[/color]

But when Anders asked when Andoral wanted, Bethany suddenly found herself being pushed aside.  It was as if someone had grabbed her and shoved her beneath a freezing sea, leaving her struggling to swim back to the surface.

Outwardly, her posture changed, and suddenly she appeared as if she was uncomfortable in her own skin, as if her body was suddenly alien to her and didn't quite fit.  Her eyes glazed over, glowing as Andoral's spoke through her.  [color=#e82a1f]"I want to be whole and free.  I am Unity, I should not be fractured so."[/color]

Fear pulsed through her, before she set it aside and let determination fill her in its stead.  Andoral wouldn't listen to someone who showed weakness, and if she showed it now she risked losing herself to them.  [color=#68c4e8]This is my body, you do not get to be in control without my express permission.  Now step back or I will make you.[/color]

Andoral seemed to regard her for a long moment, as if decided whether or not to break the tenuous peace they'd come to in their first confrontation, before relinquishing control of her body back to her.

Bethany came back to herself with a gasp, relieved she'd managed to stand her ground against the shard once more.  [color=#68c4e8]"Sorry.  They don't usually do that."[/color]

Nothing missing is good. Means that the shard in you isn’t taking over your body fully. Which is what we want, anything else would be a problem. he reached to squeeze her hand, trying to be reassuring. He’d been in her shoes. The demon that was hanging out inside him now was nothing compared to the ancient elven shard that had held him captive before that. Hunger was easy to manage, easy to pacify. He reached for a tin of biscuits he kept and took a few before passing some to her.

Anders did his best to keep his face stoic and unresponsive as he watched his old friend get taken over by whatever was living within her. The veil being cracked open was both a blessing and a curse as far as he was concerned. It made weaving magic easier and Anders had never feared spirits, even after Kirkwall and seeing the destruction there, because they were predictable.

But they weren’t dealing with your run of the mill spirit.

You got them down quickly. That’s a good sign. He chewed on something and then tilted his head. Unity. That was interesting. Unity fractured would be… hard to deal with. But there was a potential angle there. He leaned back and rested his hands on the arms of the chair, head tilted, Unity? Well, maybe if you stop messing with my friend she’d be willing to work alongside you rather than against you. Help you find your missing half before it gets destroyed. I’ve heard of it happening.

Andoral's restlessness seemed to pause within her, curiosity peaked by what Anders was saying. They wanted to be whole, they wanted to be free, and the idea of not being able to do so scared them. Bethany could feel it; despite their strength, being in a diminished form had left them feeling a shell of what they once had been. To hear that this existence might be all that was left shook them.

I would rather you not be here either. We can search for the other parts of you, as he said, but you have to work with me.

She was quiet for a moment longer while the ancient soul stirred within her, communicating their wishes once they settled on just what those were. They would like to know more about how to find the other part of them. Frankly, so would I. I don't think either of us really want this arrangement to go on longer than it has to.

I don’t know all the details, honestly, but I think the shards have an intrinsic pull towards one another, he said, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. Elgar’nan’s other vessel had gone looking for him. He had such an antagonistic relationship with the elven God that he actively worked against any pull or desire the elven god had. Bethany had a potential to work alongside her shard and potentially make the process easier.

I would have to do more research. Luckily, we have a pretty decent library here. We can easily find something. Most of the magic since the veil fell is new to us but it’s not impossible to work out, he said, reaching forward and squeezing her hand slightly, We’ll figure it out.