bend or break [PAST]

Merrill's alienage apartment isn't as grim as the shared flat she lived in when first arrived in Kirkwall. She's had time to put drawings up on her walls, buy curtains, put in plants and windowboxes and fresh rushes. There is a knitted blanket on her bed, chipped but colorful dishes in her cupboards.

All of this she ignores, kneeling on the floor in front of the Eluvian, arulim'holn in hand and surrounded by shards of non-reflective glass. Her arm is sluggishly bleeding, but she pays it no mind, scribbling furiously in her notebook as she takes down the protocol of her repair job so-far.

She's so lost in her work that she doesn't hear the door opening. 

Hawke! she cries, surprised. No, that's not fair: Aoife gave her the tools to save the history of her people. She should call her by name. Leaf, I didn't hear you come in. Did you need me? I'm not mission-ready.

It's the first time she's seen Hawke -- seen anybody, actually -- since that fateful day on Sundermount. That was... how many days ago? What day is it? Merrill has lost count.

It had been a few days since the group had returned from the mountain pass. A couple scrapes suffered, but nothing they hadn’t weathered before. Aoife had returned to the estate, checked-in and retired after a bath, yet again ridding blood and whatever missed bits out of her hair. Why the fuck was it always in her hair? A frivolous thought that only shortly distracted her from the events of the past day or so.

She could only leave it a few days though before her gut became too anxious and she sought out the Dale down in the Alienage. Her  knocks had gone unanswered and so, picking the lock as Isabela had taught her, Leaf casually broke in. It was better than taking the door off the hinges, Merrill might have been indisposed and not even heard her knocks.

As ever, the elf’s surprise drew a chuckle from Leaf, her hand raised to brush aside any worries of heading out again. [color=#0074d9]“No Merrill, I’ve nothing on the books today,”[/color] turning to set her staff against the wall. [color=#0074d9]“I came to check on you actually. Be a sound board if you need one.”[/color] Maker, a few of them had done it for her, of course she would return the favor and Merrill.. well she’d had a truly shit time of it lately. That was when Aoife finally noticed Merrill’s arm.

[color=#0074d9]“Shiiit Merri. At least tell me you’ve prepped wraps, yes?” [/color]Had she been toiling over this thing all this time and slowly bleeding out everywhere? Brows rose in question, but Leaf’s body was already moving, hands reaching, ready to receive and tend to the injury.

Merrill smiles. Hawke is so sweet. What? Oh, that. Yes, I'm using that. She looks around herself and finally sets down the arulin'holm, but no further than her own thigh, as if putting it out of her sight is unconceivable. Aoife takes her arm, and Merrill watches her moves with wide eyes. Oh, Hawke, you don't have to do that. She won't move to stop her, she can always make another cut when Hawke leaves. I think I have some elfroot in the kitchen.

[font=Arial, serif]The little healing magic she’d been practising came quickly to her will, closing and mending the cut tissue along Merrill’s arm with ease. [color=#0074d9][font=Arial, serif]“I know I don’t, but I expect you’re a bit wiped out with…,”[/font][/color] brows shrugged, the sentence not requiring an ending. [color=#0074d9][font=Arial, serif]“Plus, I get to practise a little too,”[/font][/color] eyes lifting to meet the elf’s as she grinned. After briefly inspecting her handiwork, Leaf let go, allowing Merrill to retreat. She glanced at the… Eluvian, [color=#0074d9][font=Arial, serif]“how’s it going with the tool?”[/font][/color]
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You're getting better at that, Merrill remarks. Have you been practicing? She was always rubbish at any kind of healing magic. Even when she's using her own lifeblood instead of mana, she's never managed to make a wound disappear without a scar; of course, that's preferable. Scars tell the story of a body.

She smiles, a fretting thing. Arulin'holm. And it's going marvelously. Well, at least, it will be. I've made some good progress, anyway. Thank you again -- you've been a good friend to me.

The edges of her lips would twitch in a grimace. [color=#0074d9]“You think so? I’m not good at the subtle stuff.”[/color] Blacksmith hands, their father had called them.[color=#0074d9] “I can’t keep lugging Anders with all the work. What if  he trips over and bangs his head, who else is able?”[/color] Sure there were med-kits and Aveline was a good field medic but some injuries… Leaf shook her head. [color=#0074d9]“Besides, I’m always the one in need of it, clumsy as I am, makes some sense I learn to put myself together again.” [/color]

Smiling, she’d nod as Merrill informed of the progress made. Leaf couldn’t help the small scoff though, [color=#0074d9]“That’s what we do though. We look out for one another.”[/color] At least she tried to. They’d all helped her in various tasks and jobs, what friend would she be if she didn’t check on them, especially those who’d found themselves turfed out. The only stray who wasn’t a stray was Varric.

Anders does work a lot, doesn't he? Merrill says mildly. I don't think he sleeps. It would explain why he's always cranky. She's unable to summon anything nicer to say about him, just now -- she's used to Hawke's friends being dreadful to her, but it's a stabbing reminder every time that they don't want her to succeed; that she's either naïve and silly, or a magister in the making, to be the death of them all either way. Pol's death is still hanging too heavy on her. 

Merrill has never been that rude to friends of Hawke's. Insensitive to Fenris, perhaps, but only because she didn't understand, and she stopped pressing when he made that clear. She'd quite like to be returned the same courtesy, frankly. Maybe then she could call them her friends, too.

You're the only one who believes in me, she insists. Nobody else does. Not the Keeper, or my clan, or the others. And I will look out for you -- you know you can ask me anything.

[font=Arial, serif]Leaf snorted, a lot didn’t even cover it. With Bethany being confined to the Circle he’d been left a helper short in the clinic. [color=#0074d9][font=Arial, serif]“Must be a healer thing, most I’ve met are cranky… though I did meet a weirdly happy one when chatting to our Coterie friend.”[/font][/color] Brows furrowed and Leaf looked as if she was trying to peak at something in the distance. The name didn’t come to her mind but the elf was pretty cheerful. [/font]

[font=Arial, serif]Everyone of them had their own shit. She tried her best not to judge, everyone's story and path different from the next. Generally she had run on a belief of generally not being a dick and things would hopefully go smoothly? If not, well, she was good at smashing things to pieces, just sometimes those things included people on occasion. [/font]

[font=Arial, serif][color=#0074d9][font=Arial, serif]“Merri… I believe that you, the rest, even me, can do anything if we’ve got the guts to go for it.”[/font][/color] Taking a seat, she leaned deep into the back. [color=#0074d9][font=Arial, serif]“I didn’t think we’d manage to make it out the Deep Roads, remember? Now look at us.”[/font][/color] Sure, the City was fucked tensions had been mouting and straining the patience of the best of them.[color=#0074d9][font=Arial, serif] “I know who I can count on, don’t worry,”[/font][/color] offering the elf the kinder smile she saved for her and Beth.[/font]

The Dalish lass? I think her name is Megan, Merrill offers. Mélanie? Mara? Something like that.

When Hawke takes her chair, Merrill starts looking around for a throw, something cozy to give Hawke. She comes up with a crocheted throw made up of squares in a daisy-pattern, although only a few of them have proper colours -- her yarn budget varies greatly from month to month. She'd made it to show Varric, since he calls her Daisy, but then she got so embroiled in the Eluvian that she forgot.

She can't quite recall last time she picked up a crochet hook, matter of fact.

Here, toss this over your legs. It's a bit drafty in here, I've been meaning to fix the window. Do you want nibbles? I've got... she thinks. Jam, probably. Yes - she's been eating orange marmalade by the spoonfull, and olives with her fingers, straight out of the jar. And olives. I can rustle up some bread, maybe?

[font=Arial, serif][color=#0074d9][font=Arial, serif]“Megan sounds right? Or close enough,” [/font][/color]Leaf would shrug.[color=#0074d9][font=Arial, serif] “Reminded me of you but more.. Floaty-like?”[/font][/color] It wasn’t important, so she moved on. [/font]

[font=Arial, serif]Settling down, she’d chuckle, [color=#0074d9][font=Arial, serif]“Thanks Merri,”[/font][/color] accepting the throw and pulling it over her shoulders. Gathering the tails hands brushed over the pattern, the cheerful daisies, even unfinished still bringing a smile to her face. A silent note to herself that Orianna could drop off some of what was left of her mother’s stash. She wouldn’t need it anymore. [/font]

[color=#0074d9][font=Arial, serif]“I’m good, really. Though.. Please tell me jam and olives isn’t all you have?”[/font][/color]

I suppose we both have names in Meh, Merrill hums. And I think you already know the answer to that question, Hawke. She stops for a moment to rack her brains. I don't suppose I can interest you in raw chickpea flour?

[font=Arial, serif]Aoife’s mouth hung open to say something, but nothing came, only a deep exhale of breath. Eyes shuttered and her head shook, of course, why even ask?

[color=#0074d9][font=Arial, serif]“Honestly, Merri. It’s a wonder you don’t waste away,”[/font][/color] rolling her eyes, she made to stand again, carefully picking up the throw to fold neatly and place over the back of her seat. While doing so, Leaf glanced over her shoulder. [color=#0074d9][font=Arial, serif]“You’re coming to mine and after food, we’re going to raid the pantry.” [/font][/color]
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Merrill tucks her tool into her belt, not to be separated from it. She looks longingly towards the Eluvian. I was quite busy tonight... she bites her lip, trails off. She could visit Hawke for a nibble and then get back to work afterwards, she supposes. It's not like she has work to worry about, she most certainly lost her job after she didn't show up to her shift... however many days ago that she got the arulin'holm.

[font=Arial, serif]Aoife gathered her things, checking over her shoulder that her friend was indeed following. [color=#0074d9][font=Arial, serif]“Yeah,” [/font][/color]she’d nod, [color=#0074d9][font=Arial, serif]“Probably forgotten to eat during that time too I reckon. C’mon, I’m sure Orianna has a feast enough for a King’s army in that pantry.”[/font][/color] Maybe not an army, but enough for a small horde at least. [/font]

[font=Arial, serif]Navigating Lowtown up to Hightown was simple enough, no-one would be foolish enough to leap out at them in the dark, surely? Not with Hawke’s name rising up out of the one of the shittest parts of town. Walking alongside, Leaf cast a look over to Merrill. [color=#0074d9][font=Arial, serif]“I bet you’ve been holed up in there since we got back? You need a break and a walkabout.”[/font][/color]
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