separate ways

There were some days that he wanted to reach out and shake his children. Every one of them at some point or another had said things that made him sigh and shake his head. And it just so happened to be Athera's turn at that particular crossroads. Athera.... I love you. And the dumbest thing I've heard all week. There was a smile as he said it, reaching to pull her in whether she liked it or not. He held her close, nestling her in. Sweet girl. No one is going to harm me. I would love to see them try. If they somehow managed to get past Cian, which would not happen, then they would actually have to deal with me, and then I truly pity them. You are safe here. No one is going to harm you. I have you. his words were emphasized with a little squeeze. Come and sit and let us actually talk instead of dancing around this.

She blinked, true shock alighting her features at his abrupt admission as it wasn't often they were in situations like this. At least not in a very long time, even though she'd never truly change in all of the years they were together. She'd always had a willful spirit. Her eyes widened when he pulled her into another hug and soothed her with words. First he would have to knock down that embankment and then it was then just a matter of perseverance. What about all those lessons on humility? she said after a long silence between them. She even felt like laughing, a whisper tugging at the corners of her mouth. She nodded to his offer to talk more in-depth, honestly. She would talk, but he would also have to face her often obstinate will. Yes. she followed along side of him to where he would lead them. but please admit to me it's never so easy as that. tell me that much she was clamming almost as frantically and he was prodding and digging.  she nuzzled against him, feeling small capable of being contained, protected. How did she tell her father that she had no idea who she was anymore without stabbing him clear through heart?

No, no. See, those lessons in humility were for you five, not for me. Clearly. He laughed softly at his own little joke, pulling her along to sit them both back on the bench swing, sitting her down before joining, starting to push at the ground lightly with his foot to move it. He hummed thoughtfully, considering what she'd asked of him, and the weight behind that. No... It never truly is quite so easy. But then again, I've known you for... a long sigh as he did the math. Gosh... you weren't even 2000 years old yet. We've had a very, very long time to know each other. At that point, I would be rather disappointed in myself if it wasn't so easy. 

The way he nestled her back in left him more than enough room to rest his cheek on top of her head. It seems a lifetime ago yet somehow it feels like only yesterday. An odd thing.... it was a small ramble that he allowed himself, giving her time to gather her thoughts. You speak of self introspection? Why?

He never missed. He hit every time he tried. At that she pulls her lips into a pressed line, the only indication she agrees with him. Also a way for her to refrain from laughing and ruining her angst soaked cry for attention. As if she would never be able to get it otherwise. As if all she'd ever have to do was find him so he could find her. 

She sighed, turning slightly into him as they sat. Her arms were locked across her chest. i'm not sure who i am. she said simply yet profoundly. And I need you to tell me how to see clearly through this. Or at least how stem the looming dread i feel every time I wake. she brought fingertips to her temples and rubbed concentric circles. Sometimes it's like I'm still asleep and it's starting to matter less and less she blew out a sigh. wake me up please.

Faelyn's tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth as he thought a moment. I very much wish that I could... there was a softly sad, wistfulness to his voice. He understood very deeply what it was like to have to start over more than once as the rules of the game changed around him. But even for all that experience, there was no direct answer that he could ever possibly give her that would fix it all. Save for one thing. I know who you are. But that does not matter so much as you knowing. The meadow may be long gone and our home with it. But there is nothing wrong with returning to what roots you have left to you, even if only for little spans of time. What I can do is give you that time, and that space, and to hold your hand as you figured things out. Even if you came and went as you needed to.

It was on the surface and easy solution. Time. Time was what they all used to take for granted, and all of them had so precious little left of anymore. But it was still time that he would afford Athera, that he would any of his children, if they would only take it.

Maybe it was that simple. Of course it was that simple and that the true issue. That it was too simple. She felt comfort in his words, gradually loosening against him. And if I asked you to do something more? Something.....wrong, for me... she trailed off for a moment Would you? because his answer would influence her own sentiment towards the matter.

But she wanted all he was offering, everything he tempted her with being who he was. She wanted to find that tether she knew to be somewhere between them before her willful soul forced her hand. You should know, she cleared her throat this may end without me because in the game of thrones, everyone was a loser.

If that is what it came down to, then yes. If you gave me a good enough reason to, there is nothing I would not do for you. Failing a good enough reason, I would still hide you away and protect you regardless. The 'good enough' varied from crime to crime, that was true, but then again, under the right circumstances, the elf would not hesitate in committing murder, treason, or worse, filing repository archives incorrectly. 

But he knew the stark reality that she faced. That they all did. If what I think is about to happen in this world comes to pass... then it very well may end without me, as well. But, as it stands now, we are both here, and we will do what we can. It had not yet been something he'd verbalized to anyone yet. Not even his husband nor his dearest friend. He had slept through the first sundering of false gods. He would not be sleeping this time. 

War was coming.

His words broke that last bit of composure, tears slipping free down her cheeks without being wiped away. Having a Soul-Guard was one thing, and he was integral to her survival. But Faelyn was her father. Or at least the only one she could remember. Everything before sheltering in his embrace was hidden behind a grey veil in her mind. One of these days she wanted to peak behind that veil and learn the truths she hid from herself. She'd known his answer before he even said it.  Ar lath ma I love you. She said in a whisper, loosening gradually as she wrung her hands in her lap. 

But you don't deserve that, you never have. Just tell me how to fix this and let me take care of you. Aethra moved so that she could drop down across his lap, the rest of her body hanging off the swing. I've got to go back. She could never linger anywhere for long outside of Antiva City. Too many questions, too few answers. But she also wanted nothing more than to sit here and imagine simpler times.

Ar lath ma, emm'asha... Faelyn murmured as his hand stroked across her hair, soothing like one would reach out to soothe a skittish cat or a scared child. His soft smile was a bit sad that the edges, knowing that he could not hide from her in the very same ways that she could not hide from him. His pain was a palpable thing if one knew just where to look. Now you truly sound like your Da. He said the same thing last week. Faelyn hadn't been able to hide his pain from him, either, not that he ever truly would. 

He didn't protest in the slightest as she made herself more comfortable, seeking out the softer things to ease back the rising well of emotions. Yes, I would imagine that you eventually will need to. But right now, no one knows where you are, and around here, even who you are. So long as we're cautious about your movement, this would be a safe place.

She'd never been ashamed of her vulnerabilities but it was always a humbling experience no matter who listened patiently. There were few people in her life she could ever fully unravel in front of, and one of them happened to be sharing the very same bench swing. She smiled wistfully, wiping her cheek daintily to prevent her tears from leaving raw, salted tracks down her cheeks. She'd avoided Cian just as she had avoided Faelyn and it wracked her with guilt anew. The only one she hadn't heard mention of so far, was Silas. At least she could spare her shame from one of her fathers. Maybe you should consider listening to one of us. She muttered contemptuously, though it was no more a genuine sentiment than the walls she put up between them. She didn't truly mean any of it. 

That's not, entirely true. she tensed in his lap, lifting her gaze to catch his. One person does. She'd only mentioned she was going to Arlathan, not who she was going to meet. It was by design, for his own deniability. One of these days, she was going to have much to answer to. I have a ward, her name is Cirri She said simply. She knows I’m in Arlathan her soul-guard too but at this point she considered Lucien and herself one person in some respects.

That's okay. he replied with a soft smile, tucking an errant piece of hair behind her ear. While it certainly would prove to be more difficult to manage the more people that knew where she was, one person, and a ward at that, would be something easily manageable. If you're around, then I will have no choice but to give and listen, will I? I can't hold back the tide of one of you, much less two of you. Simply outnumbered. There was far more to it than simply being a numbers game. Every one of his children, and both of his husbands, had a knack for wearing him down with just a batting of their eyelashes or even just a well placed whine. 

Faelyn pressed a kiss to her forehead, his eyes looking off into the garden, a sudden tenseness running through him that was gone almost as quickly as it had come. More and more he was seeing shadows and specters, what he logically knew was seer's magic that was slipping beyond his control, but it still did not help the start it often gave him. Nor would going to mentioning it now be of use to anyone.

Aethra didn't often allow a capacity for guilt but lately it seemed to be the trend. Seeing her father and hearing him assuage her fears like no time had passed between them stirred guilt in her gut. Guilt for not seeking him out when she first had the opportunity, guilt for living a life that deviated from that which she'd once vowed to live to the fullest. She smiled, a defense not nearly as strong as it should be against the emotion swelling inside of her, but a smile all the same. He accepted her for her faults, so why couldn't she? 

She was about to speak more on her introspection when she felt him tense against her, his lips on her forehead the conduit. Her brows knit together and by the time they pulled apart again, he was back to himself. She however, was not convinced. What's wrong? She asked softly.

Gray eyes still looked out among the flowers and the bushes where only a moment before there had been the overlayed, specter like image of a small gaggle of elves walking directly through the bushes and the small trees that called this greenhouse home. It was disconcerting how often that happened anymore, the memories that this place held no longer matched up with the physical reality the surrounded them. Pathways that stretched beneath their feet long reclaimed by the earth, only to be claimed anew in recent years.

 There is nothing wrong, little wisp. Just old memories playing out before old eyes that have no real consideration for if I want to see them or not. Such is the way of things. It was easy for him to dismiss his out of control magics as something common place. The more that he made peace with these things, the more easily they would come to terms with it all. That was the way of things...right? 

It was no secret that Faelyn held and studied a fair number of magic fields, but none had proved so very useful to him as the innate seer's magic that flooded his veins.

Something about seeing her father like this unsettled her in ways she knew she could never fully explain. There was introspection and then there was this and this felt different. Truthfully she wasn't entirely sure how she felt about it but for the moment she was willing to watch it play out if only for her own morbid curiosity. These days that curiosity was becoming far more voracious that it ever used to be. Her eyes searched his, a desperate search for something that might stem the inevitable  flood of emotion that would no doubt consume this precious moment between them.  The only solace she found was to bow her head to the top of his shoulder. The breath she let out was woeful, strained in some places and despondent in others, what she needed from Faelyn was muddled at best to the point that even she could not decipher her true intent in coming her today at all. 

Maybe she just needed to be reminded of who she was. 

Aethra clutched his bicep, squeezing tight like she might make encourage something profound to erupt. But then what was more profound than the bond between parent and child? After a moment, she inhaled sharply and came to rest her chin on the apex of his shoulder. I love you she whispered simply as if that would be enough to heal their multitude of wounds. Whatever you see, I see too on your face, you wear it heavy. It wasn't meant to be an insult but more constructive observation. It doesn't have to be your way, you know. Change it.