Blood on My Hands

Eularia stared at the scorched earth around her; the flames were long gone and so was the man that had compelled her hand. He'd been in her head. His movements had been hers—she hadn't been able to stop herself. Elgar'nan had placed the knife in her hand and whispered in her ear that she was finally fulfilling her true purpose; the promise she had put off for so long. The dagger had been thrown the second the elf had stopped controlling her.

And she'd collapsed across from the body. Blood on her hands, she couldn't look towards the body. Her vision was so blurred by tears that she doubted she'd be able to see, but that she might have to witness what she's done was enough to make her soul chill. She wasn't certain how long she'd been here, on the ground, screaming at anyone that got too near. Even the palace guards—she was drawing a crowd, and she didn't care. 

Eventually one of the guards disappeared towards the slums; on their way to retrieve someone. Probably one of the kids. 

It isn't, though, and she only cried harder when she saw him—Magnus, rushing from the nearest eluvian. His blue eyes were pools of worry, concern. She sobbed quietly, pressing the heels of her hands against her mouth to muffle the sound. Soon, she was being pulled away from the scorched circle and the body; guards would surround it... Surround him. Eularia buried her face against Magnus' chest, whispering hoarsely, He made me do it. He... he made me. Nobody had any reason to believe her. 

Even the crowd that had watched the ordeal. 

She'd done it of her own free will, as far as they were concerned.

Magnus wrapped Eularia in his arms, obscuring her from as much of the onlookers' view as possible.  

[color=#7CD98A]"I know."[/color]  He whispered back to her softly, the phrase gentle and comforting.  There was no doubt in his mind, not a moment's hesitation. 

Despite the worry and heartache consuming him, there was something else in the pit of his stomach - fury.  Elgar'nan had hurt her.  

It would not be allowed to go unpunished.  

Magnus dropped his voice to a growl so low that even those with the best hearing could not overhear.  He repeated the words, this time they slipped out as cold and hard as the ice in the sunless lands.  [color=#7CD98A]"I know." [/color] Mentally, he tucked away the emotion.  It would be fuel, but right now it had no place.  Not here, not out in the open.  

His touch softened again, having only faltered for a split second and only so much that E would understand the fate the cursed elf had doomed himself to.  Now, though, he was there protecting her from the world and from the horror and misery of this aftermath.

Eularia was quiet, curling into her lover's arms. It felt so wrong, that she was savoring his touch when she knew he was the cause of a drift and much of her husband's pain. But she... was ultimately, the cause of his death. And the blood stained Magnus' shirt, as she curled her fingers into the silk fabric.

Maker, he dressed so good.

She buried her face against his chest, murmuring, I want to go home. I want to see our girls. She's not seen their daughters in months, too busy trying to keep Elgar'nan's eyes off of her family. And yet, the damned elf had known about her babies; even the two that nobody knew existed.

She tugged his shirt, murmuring, Please? Please. Take me home. Not to the palace, not... She didn't want to be around Enzino when he received word. She didn't want to see Alonso's face, as it crumpled into distrust and loathing. She didn't want to risk Adaria's rage, as she tried not to lash out at her mother.

Those babies, though, they'd know nothing except to be happy that their mother was home. They'd take her mind off of the atrocity that she's committed.

Magnus nodded, his cheek brushing against her hair with the movement.  Her hair smelled like honey and lemons, like sunlight and summer.  It didn't fit this moment. 

[color=#7CD98A]"Of course.  You need to be home."[/color]  

He understood the need to be lost in a world that hadn't been touched by this awfulness, to hide away from the questions and the suspicion of the people she most needed to believe her.  It made this violation so much worse.  

But home was a place of unconditional and unwavering love and support.  Home wasn't a place...it was them.  Together.  That would always be her safe place.  

For just a moment, he could feel a small stirring in the back of his mind.  A premonition.  It felt strange...like something teetering on the edge of some unseen cliff.  He didn't push - that never seemed to help.  Instead, he let the sensation slip away and leave only the gentle memory of the smells of freshly baked bread and a familiar cologne.  

Shit.  

That child best not make things worse.  

Quiet sniffles, though she was not crying as hard as she had been. His presence was comforting; at least she hadn't lost him, too. She wasn't sure she'd survive if she lost him. Or their girls. In part, what she had done, the blood on her hands, had been for Magnus and the Rhysand children. And the rest... well, she'd had to do what Elgar'nan wanted when he whispered in her ear, threatening the Campana children too.

Nobody would understand; except the man that was carrying her. Her breathing evens out as they walked... well, he walked. She snuggled against him. The silence was kind, a soft silence that left no awkward lapses behind.

Eularia sniffled, startling slightly when she recognized where they were going. This wasn't home. Or... maybe it was. She could hear children's laughter, the obnoxiously cute laughter of children who had yet to learn to control their volume levels.

And she squirmed; moved to wipe her face before she froze, staring at the drying blood. And whatever desire she had to walk on her own, dissipated. She quit squirming and settled back into his arms.

It wasn't the first time she's had blood on her hands. It won't be the last. She's good at her job; and she took pride in that fact.

Usually.

Magnus entered through the kitchen door, clocking the signs Jaqueline had let their visitors in.  They were small things, tiny tells that let him know who had come and gone from his space. 

The smell of bread that greeted the pair inside the warm glow of the kitchen didn't surprise him, either.  He'd known it would be there just as he knew who had brought the girls.  He could hear Enzinos playful laughter joining the girls occasionally.  

He paused at the sink, wetting a rag and gently cleaning the blood off of Eularia.  It was a fact of life...but the girls didn't need to see it.  Enzino didn't need to see it, either.  

Magnus focused on Eularia, his warm eyes offering reassurance.  He also listened, seeking the thoughts and emotions drifting in from the other room. 

When the blood had been cleaned off, he gently brushed Eularia's cheek with his fingers and then wrapped her once again in his arms.  He wanted to promise her that it was going to be okay....but such words would sound hollow.  Instead, he would just be here and do anything she needed to help her through.

Starting with supporting her as she faced the first of the Campana children.

Jaqueline heard the kitchen door open and met Enzo's eyes, giving a curt nod.  

She'd been there with the girls when the news had come.  He seemed to have taken it well...which was incredibly troubling all by itself.  She wanted to go, but care too much for him to leave him on his own.  Where the fuck was Nox, anyway.  Didn't touchy-feely emotional shit fall into the domain of his friendship?  

Enzino caught Jaq's nod, but didn't stop playing with his sisters.  He currently was being swarmed by the girls...and Verity had an incredibly tight grip on some hair he'd prefer not to lose.  

He roared at them, causing giggles to spill out in the unbridled joy reserved for the very young or very naive.  

From the kitchen, he could feel Magnus seeking his emotions and he didn't hide them.  

Anguish.  Fury.  Pity.

Eularia frowned as he washed her hands, as if she was sad to see the blood gone from her palms. He'd not get it from underneath her fingernails, she'd need to take a more vigorious bath later. But for the moment... for the moment, it was sufficient.

She was standing on her own two feet, leaning into his embrace. I got your shirt bloody, Though it had dried quicker than her hands had. She pulled away, wiping her face with both hands.

Staring up at him, she took a breath. And slowly, she started to compose herself. quite regal, but more put together. No longer crying, or trembling. Though she did startle when she heard someone roar, and the children's giggling reply.

Enzo.

She turned quickly, and faltered, for just a moment. And then, Eularia was slipping into the living room, her sandals left in the kitchen because they were covered in blood. Ruined.

Jacqueline was here too; and some small part of Eularia's brain chittered anxiously over that fact. Though she had never asked Magnus to be monogamous for her, there was a thread of jealousy at the younger woman's appearance here, now.

But it faded as quickly as it came, she reminded herself that he'd tell her if he was seeing another person as well as herself. That was his promise to her.

Distracted, by the fact one of the girls are crawling, she smiled softly, and moved to sit on the floor a few feet from her son. Oh my goodness! Daddy didn't tell me you could crawl!

She doesn't name the baby. She doesn't want to admit that she's missed so much of their young lives that she doesn't know who is who. If she admits it, she'll feel like even more of a failure.

It took a moment for Enzo to work up the emotional strength to look at Eularia, taking the time to try and free himself from Verity's grip.  [color=#7CD98A]"Okay, Mara, okay.  I need that hair for later."[/color]  He tickled her, and she collapsed into his hands in a fit of squirming laughter.  He blew a raspberry on her tummy.  

And then it happened.  He looked up into his mother's eyes.  He knew that despite his smile, his own were red with pain and emotion.  He knew she could see it.  

He winced a little and looked at another girl who was making a beeline for Magnus.  [color=#7CD98A]"Incoming sunshine with the blitz attack!"[/color]  His voice sounded happy. 

His heart ached with emptiness despite the richness of the moment.  

There were so many things he wanted to say...and none of them were right.  He knew, just as anyone with half a brain should know, that this was not a thing his mother would have chosen.  This thing she'd done...it was a sacrifice he could not even begin to wrap his mind around.  

And still...his father was dead.  Again.  

For real.  

And he had to figure out what the fuck he was gonna do about it.

Eularia averted her gaze as her son looked at her, instead looking at the baby that he was playing with. Mara. Verity. That was one of her biological daughters.

The one crawling as fast as she could towards Magnus was Sunny. Adopted. And as the little baby came nearer, ignoring the mother she didn't know in favor of the father she did, Eularia noted that Sunny's hair was lighter. Just a touch.

She's quiet, before she finally brought herself to address her son. The People are going to expect retaliation. Exile, execution. Her voice fell flat. And her gaze wandered back towards the girl.

She can't help that her eyes narrow slightly, when she settled on Jaq. She can't help the fact there's a touch of jealousy; irrational. She doesn't look at her long, choosing to ignore her instead.

They already want Him dead. A... lot of people saw me. She doesn't go into more detail. Her gaze has returned to the child that's settled in front of Magnus, burbling happily. It's treason.

The silent question is there, hidden in her words. What will her son do? It's unfortunately his problem. His decision. And the People are already close to rioting; Elgar'nan snatching away districts and towns hade made the richer merchant princes seek retribution for their losses. The poorer folk, witnessing their last queen downing the beloved king of the people...?

There wasn't a good choice here.

Jaqueline noticed the look Eularia gave but didn't react.  Instead, she watched as Magnus bent down and scooped up Sunny.  The child burbled in his arms for a moment before twisting and reaching out for Jaq with grabby hands and a squeal of delight.  

She took the baby from him as Essie rushed toward his legs.  [color=#7CD98A]"Hey Sunnybear, how do you fare?"[/color]  She said in a sing-songy voice.   

She had heard Eularia's question and already suspected what the answer would be. 

Suspected wasn't the right word.  She knew.  She knew what the answer would be.  

She also knew how much Enzo was hurting.

Enzo swallowed and looked at his mother again for a long moment.  The intensity of his emotions seemed to make the world fall away, the din of the girls playing being hushed by the blood pounding in his ears.  

And then he moved, closing the distance between his mother and him in a split second.  He wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace.  

[color=#7CD98A]"I know, Mom." [/color] 

He let the embrace stretch...both seeking comfort and giving it.  She was fucked up...but she was his mother.  

Finally, he released her and looked into her eyes with clarity and determination.  [color=#7CD98A]"My mother and father both served their kingdom, tonight.  They had their problems, but both acted together to protect the safety of our people.  The threat upon us s real and present and the cost of facing it isn't just paid in the lives of commoners and foot soldiers.  We mourn the loss of our Ruler Emeritus and marvel at the sacrifice made by those that loved him.  But I assure you, having met with both, that the enemy is not the one fed to you by those that would seek to break our resolve and shatter our solidarity.  The enemy is not the one carving out her own heart with a dagger turned upon the love of her life.  No, the enemy is he who seeks to manipulate the thoughts and minds of Antiva so he can take what he wants.  The enemy is Elgar'nan and I assure you, he will answer for his crimes."  [/color]

Eularia's eyes narrowed as Jaq was handed the child; as she sing-songed with the girl. And before she could process her emotions about that, the ugly head of jealousy that reared in her chest at the younger woman handling her daughter with such care, she was embraced in an unexpected hug.

Slowly, her arms circled the boy, he'd always be her little boy. Her fingers press against his shoulders, and she listened to him.

He was sweet. Sweeter than she deserved. And she shakily exhaled, shaking her head slowly. And as the embrace ended, she reached to cup his face in her hands.

My darling boy, you do not want to be the King that harbors a murderer. Not... not this time. You cannot afford to lose the People's trust. She sniffed, refusing to allow her composure to break, though he'd see it in the way she held herself. In the way she couldn't stand to look him directly in the eyes. You cannot refuse to act. She knew what she was saying, and her voice doesn't falter. I imagine the palace guards are hunting for me, as we speak. She imagined they'd soon knock on Magnus' door.

Enzo's eyes hardened.

[color=#7CD98A]"The people trust power.  They always have.  What I need to do is act.  To strike a blow that shows our strength and determination.  You know where to strike him.  You know where he is weak.  Stop trying to be a martyr and help me change the narrative.  We can't keep reacting...we need to move."[/color]  He gave a half-smile. [color=#7CD98A]"As far as being a King that harbors a murderer...mother, have you spent much time in Antiva?  We're literally known for our murderers.  That's kind of our thing. The people will get the fuck over this as long as we can stop looking so fucking weak.  Oh...and I pity anyone who tries to come to this house without an invitation.  Magnus has enough safeguards put in place that he could probably level the entirety of the palace guards and still be ready for more."  [/color]