Be Gentle with Me

Blissful sleep had finally taken him around the early hours. While his back would no doubt complain, nestled in his chair, René quietly snored. An active mind was never fully at rest. Calculations ran through his dreams, interjected by memories and thoughts of fancy that would cause him to toss and turn. Behind closed lids shadows would plague him, fleeing from him as he’d give chase, yet always remaining out of reach. The frustration would send him reeling, spiralling and then he was falling.

Landing squarely on the tiled floor, he missed the soft carpet by about an inch. A sharp groan left his chest from the impact, eyes snapping open briefly before pinching closed again. For a few seconds he would remain as he lay, before sullenly pulling himself onto his hands and knees. [color=#419dc1]“... Really René, you should really learn your lesson.”[/color] Yes, he spoke to himself, who else better to advise and scold him? Yet he would never truly learn his lessons. When the professor of brewery science had a new concoction of course he could be persuaded to imbue, if only for the progression of science.

Reaching up, René pulled himself up by the chairs armrest, clinging to it as if it were a lifeboat and the ground the sea. His stomach lurched one direction then the other, [color=#419dc1]“Merde,”[/color] he’d curse. About the only mercy was that his office was gloomy, devoid of the harsh sunlight of outside with the heavy curtains drawn. Gods, he couldn’t face it, not now. With some effort, René pulled himself back into his chair, intent on sleeping off the rest of his hangover in the dim, stuffy room. Until the door swung open abruptly, causing him to hiss and squint at the invading light from his crouched over form.

Mica felt lost. Her brother was dead, their beloved butler also gone and Addy who knows where. She was mad at Eularia, but for the moment she felt like that could wait, but finding Addy couldn’t. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to hear whatever excuses that Eularia came up with, or that she’d understand them. For now she had to focus on something, and finding her niece felt like the best course of action for her to take at the moment.

After leaving her son with her idiot husband Pero, for all his faults, he was a good father, she headed to Orlais. It felt like a good starting point. She had contacts there and she knew Addy did as well. She could look up Tomas, who she knew was back at school now that the blight was over. Then after deciding to take a side trip to check in with Maeve, she also decided to look up Rene.

It had been a shame really, not that she’d always gotten good grades in school, but any bad grades had never had anything to do with her intelligence but rather her lack of attention span. Overall she had shown promise, but ultimately her schooling was cut short by her running away with the Antivan stable boy.

She walked the familiar path to his office and knocked. Then she opened the door an inch or so, she wasn’t one for patience and called inside. Hello, you in?

The crack of light cast through the opening of the door fell perfectly across his face. Rene would hiss, loudly, hands quickly trying to cover his vision. [color=#419dc1]“Noooo,”[/color] groaned out, but then somehow he slipped from the chair and toppled it. Well, they knew he was in for sure.

[color=#419dc1]“Ow,”[/color] came out in a disgruntled sigh, followed by some shuffling. Blearily he crawled out, keeping to the shadows, still unaware of who had come knocking. [color=#419dc1]“Be gentle with me… Doctor Wilhelm has a lot to answer for.” [/color]The master brewer was always tinkering with recipes, Rene’s liver was sure to give out one day with one of the insane man's concoctions. Still, whatever thing on offer that would numb his mind from the relentless reminder of his cowardice would be heartily accepted.

On his hands and knees, still dressed from the night before and in his dusty housecoat, Rene peered up. Brown eyes squinted at his visitor. [color=#419dc1]“... Mica?”[/color] A silent apology would flash through his eyes, but if she was seeking him out, open sympathy to her pain was not what she wanted.

Mica opened the door the rest of the way and stepped into the office. She looked around and then her eyes settled on Rene. A dark shadow crossed her eyes, she chose to ignore the way that Rene looked at her. She cleared her throat before speaking, and flashing the best imitation of a smile that she could muster.

Professor. I wanted to stop by before I… Well I’ll be needing to be away from Orlais for a bit, or in general I guess. I sent my son back to his uh…. father. He was a good father, but he wasn’t really the boy’s biological father. It was the best worst kept secret, so either her husband was a complete moron, or he just didn’t care, or both. She’d spent the majority of the last two years in Orlais, her family in hiding from the Crows, so she’d been seeing a lot of her Orlais friends lately.

I hope to be back in time for Maeve and Lucien’s wedding, but with everything going on, I just can’t be sure. It was probably a foolish errand to run off looking for Addy, Mica wasn’t trained for anything like this, but she was scrappy and determined.

Memories flashed. Facts. Reports from his… various sources told him Antiva was fracturing. The death of the King and the chaos between his assassination and the new power rising, rearing its head to taunt the rest was akin to dancing on the edge of a blade. Sending her son to safety was a wise move, even if it was back in Antiva.

Rene paused, then sighed deeply. [color=#44b8ff]“I hardly think your studies matter at this current time, my dear.”[/color] The man pulled himself onto his feet, making it known how  much of an effort it was with some overly played acting, huffing and shuffling deeper into his office. He’d beckon her to follow with one hand while the other pinched and wiped clear his eyes. Gods, he hated the blinding orb when he felt so wretched.

He pulled open a curtain, making sure to keep out of its illuminating gaze. It was mostly for her benefit, though it painted clearly that his state of mind and being were, for the moment, unchanged. Rene tilted his head at her. [color=#44b8ff]“Mica. Do you really think it wise to go anywhere right now?”[/color] The Campana’s were a resourceful lot, an old dynasty built on their ability to improvise and fight tooth and nail for what they wanted. A playful curl tugged at the corner of his lips. [color=#44b8ff]“Your niece, I heard, takes after your brother. So they are indeed, well and truly, fucked.” [/color]

Mica smiled, she always found talking to Rene, well soothing was the only way she could describe it. He had a way of helping her see the bigger picture and to take into account all possible outcomes of a situation. She needed to lave, that was given and undeniable, but at least she wouldn’t be running off half cocked with no real thought to where she’d be heading. She needed to really consider her situation, and safety. She wasn’t a fighter after all, not a mage, not a rogue, not a warrior. Nope she was just an ordinary person who knew some rogue like skills.

As he asked her if now was the right time to be heading off, she couldn’t help but shrug. She really just didn’t feel like she had a choice. Her niece was out there, hurting, how could she sit back and do nothing, even if her safety was in question.

Wise? No probably not, but someone has to look out for Addy. I realise she can handle her own. She’s certainly better equipped to than I am, but what kind of Aunt would I be if I just let her disappear in her grief. There are few things in life I’d be willing to go to battle for, family is unquestionably on that list. Addy was certainly a lot like Frankie, that had been clear from an early age. Maybe she was really only going after Addy for her own well-being. She’d lost her brother, who despite their occasional spats meant a great deal to her, and she’d lost their beloved butler who had been more like a father to her than her own actual father. Now she feared losing Addy too and that was just too much for Mica to bear.

It was easy to say these things from the comforts of his office. Most who were unaware of the drama that had befallen his family would think it tone deaf, but Rene had endured his own kind of suffering. Out played and out manoeuvred because he refused to play the Game and instead focus on being content with his lot in life. That lot being one woman, his Ettie. Mica would know. Sympathise even. It was easier to focus on others' pain and problems than his own. Ettie was for him to dwell on and quietly shoulder, alone and in his own way.

[color=#44b8ff]“Adaria is also now a grown adult and if she is half as accomplished as you, you should have some faith in her.”[/color] This was far too good advice being offered at this hour and in his condition. Rene’s brows pursed, confused by his own sound assumptions of the young Princess.

With a sigh and a hand brushing through his skewed hair, Rene shook his head. [color=#44b8ff]“Running off into the world without a lead is foolish, you should remain where you are. Then she is most likely to be able to find you.” [/color]He moved back to his desk, taking care not to cross the path of the blinding sunlight streaming through the air. [color=#44b8ff]“Can I offer you a drink, or are you going to scold me, like Jaskier, and tell me I have a problem?” [/color]

Rene made all sorts of good points, but despite Mica getting on in years from her pre-child days, she was still just as willful and stubborn as she had always been. Now the whole going off after Addy was something for her to latch on to and focus on. Perhaps it was a bit less about finding Addy and a bit more about putting her own grief on the back burner while she looked.

If she was busy looking for Addy, under the guise of not wanting anything bad to happen to her niece, than she didn’t have time to properly grieve Frankie and Alfred. Truth be told, if she wasn’t focused on Addy, she’d probably turn her focus to Eularia, and that was also a recipe for disaster. She shook herself out of her thoughts, she wasn’t entirely leadless. The princess had been spotted, if she could find a certain Zevran Arainai, perhaps she could find Addy.

I have a sort of lead. She’s been seen with someone. I don’t know this person directly or personally, but Maeve knows them well so I plan to talk to her before I go. Of course she know of Zevran Arainai, he was notorious in Antiva, as well as being someone that had aided the Hero of Ferelden end the Fifth Blight in Ferelden all those years earlier, but she personally hadn’t had occasion to get to know the elf on a personal level, not enough to know where the man might be spending his time.

As the drink was offered, there was a slight hesitation. Normally she might say something about Rene’s drinking, but today was stressful and her grief was raw. Nope, on this occasion she was more than happy to push those thoughts aside and just join him in a drink.

Well, you know what they say, ‘After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.’ She paused and then realised she hadn’t actually answered the question. Yes, one glass will suffice. I’d really like to see things the way I wish they were right now. Even if but for a moment. She wanted Frankie alive again, and Alfred and if that couldn’t happen she wanted Addy safe and Eularia punished, also things she wasn’t sure if they would ever happen.

He had never been well versed in dissuading those of the fairer sex in his life. Woman. Fickle and troublesome creatures, he’d compare them to his unease around horses, but that would be unfair and unaired for fear of a hard slap across the face and a severe beating to his manhood. No. There were times, albeit few, where Rene knew to hold his tongue when a stray thought ran through his mind.

The death, however, of such a figure in a prominent family was not an easy passing. Especially those in the spotlight of Royalty. Orlais had its own troubles, but mercifully it hadn’t greatly affected him or his lot in recent years. The dissolved charges and refutable evidence they were fabricated had been enough of a deterrent, his aid to Lucian and his family cementing their loyalty to the crown all the more. For now, they were comfortable and relatively safe.

It gave him some relief that her lead was at least based on some fact and from a reliable source. [color=#44b8ff]“Good, but do not go off into the wind without leaving us directions, details.” [/color]While Frankie may be well and truly dead, Rene would count on his ghost haunting him if anything should happen to his darling sister.

The hesitation was noted, but not commented on. He had to chuckle, bitterly aware of the meaning and understanding of her turn of phrase. [color=#44b8ff]“It fades, well, the pain is never gone, more numbed. Never gone or forgotten though.”[/color] Once accepted, Rene poured her a well measured glass, his own he poured almost to the brim. [color=#44b8ff]“Yes, how often I too, try to return to those fleeting moments.” [/color]

With a sigh, he’d offer his glass out in toast. [color=#44b8ff]“To… an eccentric, brash, talented and altogether beautiful and complicated man. We are better for knowing him, saddened to lose him, but honoured to carry his memory.”[/color]

Mica drank, probably faster than she should have, but she only planned to have the one drink, so what did it really matter how fast she drank it. At least with Rene she didn’t have to wear her mask quite as diligently. She could let herself feel a bit, in the privacy of his office, away from prying eyes eager to hear how Mica was dealing with the deaths.

Maeve will know where I head next. I need to speak with her friend Zevran, I’m hoping she may know where he is or how he can be contacted. I’ve only met him a couple of times myself, and usually because I was with Maeve. She wasn’t sure how she felt about her niece talking with a known Assassin. Could be coincidence, could be she was planning revenge, but Mica wouldn’t know until she found Adaria.

Mica then raised her glass to toast her brother, a tear formed in her eye, but she refused to acknowledge it. She smiled at the toast, and then drank the rest of her drink. It was going to take time to get over her brother’s death, long agonising time. She tipped her head as she thought about it, and wiped her eye so that the tear didn’t fall.

There was a part of me that always imagined an end like this, but I always imagined it would be one of the Talons, but this. It all sounds a bit insane….. She’d heard the rumours, but she wasn’t going to believe anything until she’d heard it from someone who was there.

He neither scolded or encouraged the way in which she drank. Rene was not one to judge given his own habits were not exactly healthy themselves, but it was how they survived, endured the pain. His present company was an ally, he could lower the disguise of mad professor for the tired and weary noble. Here they were safely concealed from prying eyes, his office a small sanctuary to fall apart if only for a moment.

Rene chuckled, [color=#44b8ff]“an ex-crow assassin, now that is a well thought calculation. I wonder how they crossed paths,”[/color] there weren’t many parties where a Princess and an ex-crow would mix in. [color=#44b8ff]“You Campana’s keep such varied company.”[/color] Brows shrugged, sharing in Mica’s curiosity over the meeting. While there was some relief that Maeve would be kept in the loop it still caused him to worry.

His toast though, soon sobered them both. The rumours surrounding the King’s death were rife, some complete fabrication while other snippets could be called truth. [color=#44b8ff]“King’s and Queen’s court death with their decisions, no-one is beyond its reach when it comes. His spirit however, lives on in his children, Mica.”[/color] Reaching over, Rene would give her shoulder a gentle squeeze before he knocked back his glass and took a seat in his chair.

He would let the silence linger only a moment, an idea and some concerns brimmed into life. [color=#44b8ff]“What say, you find her, what then? If she is to be dissuaded from repeating what happened in Antiva City, might I suggest you enrol her into the music department? I heard she almost erased the Royale entirely.” [/color]

Once Mica was done drinking, she set the glass down. It felt so strange to be in the position that she was in. Just a short time ago she was contemplating an offer to teach dance at the University. It wouldn’t be as prestigious as Benoit’s dancing troupe, but it would give her a chance to still do what she loved. She wondered if the school would be patient with her as she went to look for Addy, but her brother had just died, they ought to give some wiggle room in answering their offer.

She also pondered René's suggestion about her niece joining the music department, a thought that brought a faint smile to her face. It wasn't an idea she had considered before, but perhaps channeling her feelings through music could be a new direction for Adaria, a way to cope with their shared loss.

That is an interesting thought, René. Perhaps music could be a new avenue for Adaria, a way for her to express and navigate her grief. I'll keep that in mind when I find her. Mica murmured, her mind already picturing her niece lost in the rhythm and melodies of music, but would it be enough. Could anything be enough? It was times like these she missed her youthful days in Orlais, when all that mattered was slipping away from dance to see her lover, a freedom she squandered by getting pregnant with his child. Not that she had regrets, she loved her son, and her arranged husband Pero was a good father, even if not a biological father.

Rene was surprised she hadn’t left the minute the news had reached her, but of course, there were issues complicating matters between nations. It was not as simple as it had been before Antiva’s aggression and now split, caught between these ‘Eth’ and those loyal to the Crown, Talons and Merchant Princes. The University had to be flexible given the climate since even in Orlais the push back against the Darkspawn was incredibly slow. Studies could be postponed, lives and livelihoods could not.

His suggestion was based on the knowledge of the young woman, an almost mirror image of her father. Frankie had been an accomplished musician, composer as well as a scholar in his own way and from what both he and Mica had told him, Adaria was no different.

[color=#44b8ff]“It’s quite a good one.” [/color]He’d agree, the slightest curl reached the edge of his lips, but in a blink it was gone. [color=#44b8ff]“She is adrift currently, when you find her you will have to offer her something. It may be a short term distraction, but it would keep her occupied. I can even offer her a practice partner, I’m certain we could have some interesting discussions.” [/color]

In all honesty, Mica wasn’t entirely sure what she was doing. Maybe it would be easier to just stay in Orlais and hope that Adaria sought her out on their own, but what kind of aunt would that make Mica. No, she felt like she needed to be more proactive about it. She wasn’t good at just sitting around and waiting she needed to be doing something. Perhaps if she focused on finding Adaria and helping her niece through their grief, Mica could put off dealing with her own for a little bit.

That sounds like a plan, Rene. I'll see that Adaria considers it once I find her. Mica nodded, her resolve strengthening. The road ahead might be long and uncertain, but she was determined to do whatever she could to help her niece, just as she was sure that Frankie would have done for her.

So, all this about me, how have you been? Anything new around the school? Any fun gossip? There was a time that Mica thrived off the gossip, though the older she got, the less that seemed to be the case. While she still loved some good gossip, she wasn’t as hyperfixated on it like she used to be once upon a time.

Perhaps, because the young Princess resembled so like her father, Rene wondered if that spurred the deep need to find her. Adaria was a piece of Francesco, one that Mica could hold onto, watch bloom into adulthood and still have a part of her brother living and breathing. It caused Rene to think of his own, briefly. While very different, they each held a great pride for their house and connection to duty, Andreas brunted the bulk of the former. Being the spare had its perks and freedoms, though in the world of the Game, even such freedoms came at a price.

[color=#44b8ff]“It’s the least I can do, Mica. He was my friend too. He’d hunt me down in the afterlife, if there is such a thing, to scold me if I didn’t.”[/color] He’d toss her a firm grin, leaning back into his chair, but not before shrugging at her next set of questions.

[color=#44b8ff]“Oh. You know. Wallowing in self pity. Attempting to understand the grandeur and its mysteries through mathematics… the usual.”[/color] Eyes rolled, and he’d let out a long sigh. [color=#44b8ff]“If she goes to the wedding, I’m done for.” [/color]