Kaczor,
I don't want you to be strong for me. You don't know the real me. If you did, you would be laughing, right now, shouting from the rooftops that I'm an idiot. That's what my big brother wants to do, and if he hasn't been doing that, then it's because he wants to do it in my face.
The tree wasn't my accomplice. I failed at my own death. Perhaps hiring an outside hand would have worked better? Guess we'll never know.
Stop blaming yourself. If you want to blame yourself for anything, blame yourself for the lack of care that you take in this time apart. There's no guilt for you here.
I hope, by the time this letter reaches you, Sari and Benson have returned home. But just in case they have not, I'll send a second letter to Malik. I want someone to check on you, after you've read this.
You and I are over. I'll send papers. We married under false pretenses.
If we're going to start over, we're going to start over from the very beginning. Annie, of course, complicates that. But I doubt she knows who I am, at the moment.
But yes. A date, with my overly protective father watching from an upstairs window, until he decides we've kissed for too long and he has to interrupt us for my reputation.
I... don't know that I loved you, I've learned that so much of the people around me have muddled who I am. But I do care about you, and I'd like the chance to... learn to love you.
And I think that you need to learn who you are without me. It isn't healthy, to put everything on my shoulders. If this entails taking new lovers, until I'm able to go on that date with you, you have my blessing.
Do what you need to do. But stop putting me on this pedestal.
If you'd prefer not to move forward with my terms, that's okay. Just send the divorce papers to my father's office, signed. Don't make Malik come to collect them.
Novella
