sunburn and fever dreams

This was far more than he deserved. In a way it made this all so much worse, knowing that even in this, Chip could still manage to stand in his presence. It was something he'd not been able to manage himself. There were times in the last two months that all Carasson wanted to do was claw his way out of his mortal prison and find some pocket of the Fade to spend the rest of his ruined existence. Even then he couldn't shake the cowardice of the notion that would follow him throughout that ruined existence. 

So suffering through this painful reality was exactly what he deserved, if not considerably less than. Certainly, there was no reality wherein such an intimate touch from a man he'd tried to kill was expected. Not that it was unwelcome, but Cara suddenly found himself at odds with body. While his muscles tensed with anticipation, cording down his arms through his hands they were manipulated, his mind raced with thoughts of danger, screams of pain, boiled blood....destruction. It was enough to make him hiss as if he'd been burnt himself and flinch ever so slightly away from the touch. He nodded solemnly, throat tight with nerves as he mimicked the corrected motion, causing the dirt to displace in a far more efficient manner than before. 

He cleared his throat, feeling his entire face turn numb. This was so much more than he expected; far more visceral and electric than he would ever be capable of imagining.  By the time he was finished per Chip's assessment, Carasson was rotted through with his emotions, frozen in time as he moved as if controlled by another soul. It was a painfully familiar sensation, one he hoped he'd never have to know again. He wet his dry lips and nodded stiffly as words continued to evade him. He certainly envied the Keeper's ability to coherently communicate and lead in the natural way he always had. He was made for leadership, that much was clear to anyone who cared to notice. 

The rest of the time ticked by easier than he thought it might as he busied himself with the other displaced clan mates. It was as close to normal as he'd felt in a long time now because even before the end things hadn't felt right in months, not since Falon'Din woke up from his slumber and started to gnaw at his soul. He was helping to rebuild their healing quarters, slat by slat of driftwood that made up most of the buildings throughout, when Xochipilli joined in. The silence was weighted between them, enough that some of the others seemed to notice and move to another side of the structure. It was clear some things needed to be said that weren't necessarily meant for their ears. 

Cara watched Chip sink to the ground, concern washing over his features. As he sunk down next to the other, his own words echoed in his mind. 

..or else I'll never forgive you..

He looked at his Keeper intently, eyes searching for something he didn't think he'd ever find again. Maybe he would never forgive Chip and maybe it was about something entirely more profound than forgive and forget. You did what you thought was right, He finally said in a shaky tone. I would've done the same and it was true. If he'd been presented with the same choices, there was no question. That he was a selfish man was never up for debate. He was wholly selfish in his relationships and he'd never apologized for it. He loved fiercely and with transparency. 

More silence and then he spoke again, his  hands wringing together. I remember all of it. He said finally.