[Past] Sins of the Father

Nathaniel nodded along as she talked about how Rendon couldn't be talked sense into. She was probably right, but as he hadn't been there to try, he felt like he'd never know for sure if his presence could have helped or not, or hell might have just gotten himself imprisoned or killed. If his father had been that long gone, there was no way he'd have let his son question his judgements and actions. 

There are some that think my sister and mother should have stopped him, and because they didn't that they must have been working with my father. Them and my brother didn't even know what was going on until after the attack on your home. When they did speak up, he threatened to kick them out and leave them somewhere the blight was heaviest, as it was my brother didn't survive the blight. Sometimes he wondered if people would have been kinder to them if they had died trying to stop Rendon, at least in memory. He was just glad they had lived though, he'd have been devastated to lose his entire family. 

He tried to take Elana's words to heart, that there were worse places to be than by Lana's side, but it was still fresh and he was struggling to see things that way. There was a woman he loved back in the Free Marches, a woman expecting a husband and a family, and now that he was a Grey Warden, he couldn't give her the family she so desired. It was a heavy blow, and so far hasn't found the words to write and explain what had happened. He felt it was better for her to hate him and think the worst of him than the truth.

I haven't told anyone this, but I left a fiance back in the Free Marches. I don't know what to tell her now, she's wanted a large family her entire life, and now that's not something I can give her. I figure it's easier to let her think I'm dead than the truth, or maybe just easier on me because I can't find the words to explain it to her, to let her down easy.