Ruth did have a right to his anger, but Nell was still trying to get her head wrapped around her own anger.
She was mad at him: for leaving her, for acting like the Keeper hadn’t hurt her for years, too, for refusing to hear her out when she was at her most vulnerable. She just couldn’t find the words for it yet. In her own failure to voice her anger, she’d turned it on herself. She had lain awake for months after Ven was born, staring at the ceiling and wondering how she’d dug her grave so deep. Even now, she was flighty with those who were affectionate with her and she couldn’t stay in one place for too long, lest someone ask her about something more than the weather.
Ruth spat one of his little sly insults at her, like if the reminder that she’d slept with him was so terrible that she’d shrivel up or something. Nell didn’t have the energy for it. She looked up at him, something between exasperation and hurt playing across her face. She didn’t respond. Ruth could have his little barbs if that would make him feel better.
She sighed to herself and kept moving - best not give him the satisfaction. He went on, perhaps because he hadn’t gotten a reaction the first time, to tell her not to fuck things up for him. And then there was anger rising up in Nell’s chest: a deep-wrought feeling of offense that she would ‘complicate it’. Nell forced herself to take a deep breath; it was all she could do to keep from whirling on his stupid blonde head.
“I didn’t come here to insult you or ruin your reputation or whatever you think it is I’m doing,” she tried to keep her tone even, but there was irritation simmering beneath the words. The anger got ahead of her, simmering into a full-blown boil. She kept going. “I came to give these people their map and leave. I haven’t seen or talked to the Keeper since I was seven months pregnant, so you can lay off.”
Nell forced another deep breath, looking at the path ahead, at the sconces on the walls - anything but him. She did glance at him when he gestured to his eye, albeit it was a quick heartbeat of a glance. That definitely didn’t look “perfect”, but she wasn’t a healer and he and Meg were both terrific healers. Distantly, Nell felt bad about it. It was a terrible injury. She didn’t know what she’d do if she lost her sight, but it was dampened by her own irritation, even in the pique of excitement she felt at the prospect that Meg was around.
“I’m sorry about your eye,” she said through her teeth, in a voice that clearly said she was definitely not sorry about anything.
10-11-2023, 07:51 PM
