sunburn and fever dreams

In a way he didn't want forgiveness, much as he needed to heal. It was like an ill-fitted suit choking the life out of him one guilt ridden second after the other. What Chip was offering wasn't proportional, wasn't something that Carasson felt he deserved. He averted his gaze, feeling himself step away though without any true conviction. He was still vulnerable to that pesky thing called hope that currently overwhelmed his reason. Ultimately didn't try any harder than tensing his muscles as his body was manipulated by the Keeper. He wanted to be worthy of this man but when he remembered that he'd never been worthy, it all started to fall apart taking with it his tenuous hope 

He looked at Chip like he was missing the most obvious thing. Unfair considering that much of what Cara was taught as a First was from the gargantuan man in front of him. Xochipili, he rasped, exasperated with the undeserved mercy now offered on a silver platter. He searched the other, brows furrowed in mounting desperation having never seemed to abate in the first place. Instead of pulling away, he pressed forward to brace on the massive shoulders and shake. Don't do this. Please. He would beg on his hands and knees if he was properly compelled. 

What I did was unforgiveable. Falon'Din gave the order but can you truly ever trust me again? Hate me for this. because earning my forgiveness is the only thing I have left. It was too generous to allow it all to go back to normal as if nothing happened. Though that was just the thing, Xochipili was too good a man.