“It wasn’t a request, Lady Tilani. It was me letting you know what was going to happen.” She crouched again and shifted the baby out of the cling and into her arms, bouncing the child gently there in the garden to quiet her back down. “It’s alright Annie, we’ll be more civil, forgive mapa for being mean to momma.” She rocked the baby until she quieted back down and then setting the shawl over her shoulder, she went to burp her. The bottle was done – when she had shifted the infant, she had seen the glass drop to the ground, empty from where it had been devoured. “Hungry little thing aren’t you.”
She picked the bottle up and went back through into the kitchen, bouncing Annie on one arm as she went to the sink. “Do you wanna momma little one?” Sarianne had made grabby hands at her mother on the way by, and Kaczor moved over to hand the child off to Ella. There was no jealousy felt, or an anger about it – the baby wanted her mother, and not the stranger. It was fine. Plus it meant that Kaczor could wash the bottle out and put it back away. “Is that a high chair I saw over to the side?”
Once the bottle and her hands were cleaned, she went and got the chair and brought it over for Ella to put Annie down for the cooking. She knew better than to try and make the mother of her child try to handle both at once, especially since there was some tempers flaring. But she didn’t rise to the anger, instead just went about the morning still. “There. I’ll chop these.” Kaczor took the tomatoes and carrot and moved over to another counter top to cut them up. One tomato she cut into wedges, the other into slices, before slicing the carrots into thin chips. When she made it back to the manor, she’d need to ask Cook for the mix of herbs she used for the carrots. It had been a favorite of hers as a child, so it might stand to reason they’d need it on hand before too long.
--------------
"I enjoy the house-work." She murmured, as she was handed the baby, who had buried her face against her mother's chest. Drool coated the fabric of her nightdress, as the child chewed on the fabric like it was a pacifier.
The chair was brought over, and she let the child stay in her arms for another moment. Little fingers gripped the fabric of her nightdress, and Ella inhaled the child's sweet scent.
Eventually, she dropped off of the counter, and settled the baby into the high chair, so that she could flip the bacon. Little fingers still held tightly to the ends of her nightdress, though, and Ella was mindful of that fact as she knelt in front of the ice-box to claim some eggs and another bottle of milk.
A clean pan, she set to making omelettes. Outside, the sun was just rising; embracing the world in the soft glow of early morning. And as it got brighter, Ella blew out candles since the sunlight filtered into the kitchen and lit it brightly enough to see.
"You can't just decide these things without giving me a say." Ella murmured, as she beat the eggs in a bowl, seasoning lightly. "You taught me that I always have a choice." It was such a simple thing; but the fact her wife simply decided and so it was, hit a nerve.
The kitchen fell into silence as she cooked. She paused only to let the baby have a taste of bacon, before she was making two omelettes to go with the meal.
Eventually, the food was plated, and Ella ate standing next to the highchair, feeding small bites to Sarianne.
--------------
“Maybe that’s why I lost a year of my daughter’s life then, hmm?” She finished slicing the vegetables, and set the knife aside, platting the tomatoes, before tossing the carrots in her hands under flowing water to rinse them, and then set them in a bowl of water so they wouldn’t dry out. “Because I was too progressive in running my household. I plan on setting that right. My time being taught the error of my ways was well spent. I should have had a stronger hand in the house hold.”
She didn’t touch anything on the plate that the baby didn’t eat first. It was cruel, but at the same time, her wife was a spy. And she didn’t know if she still was or not. “So it is how it will be. Sarianne will be raised the way the Archon intends, and when her magic manifests, which it will, she’ll be a productive member of society.” She barely touched the meal, scowling that it was too.. Flavorful for her now. The bite of bacon had her insides rolling as soon as it hit her stomach, and the egg – though her tongue appreciated it so much – it felt leaden inside a stomach that had little more than plantago and slated bread and water for a year. Three bites and she was pushing the plate aside some, her features drawn as she fought to keep those three bites down. She wasn’t sure how the fruit and vegetables from last night had stayed down other than sheer fucking need to have just a tiny bit of sustenance to fuel her magic.
She set her mind to it and ate the rest down, barely pausing the chew or taste. She knew her stomach wouldn’t like it, but she needed it, needed the fuel to get herself back into fighting shape. “Or are you suggesting that we not follow the Archon’s teachings… wife?”
--------------
Ella stared down at her own plate, and after just a few bites, the conversation had soured her appetite.
She left her half-eaten breakfast on the table, pressed a kiss to the top of their daughters' head, and started up the stairs.
The implication was clear; just as a slave had no choice in their master, she had had no choice in her spouse. She disappeared upstairs, hugging herself as she walked through the house to dress for the day. She dressed in something nice, but simple, and debated if she wanted to spend the day in the house or do something, anything, to get away from Kaczor.
--------------
“Yes, I did, didn’t I? Bought and paid for you?” She smirked as the woman left, going over and picking Sarianne up. “Don’t worry sweetheart, we’ll get this household back in order to what the Archon intends so you never have to go through what your mapa went through, ever.”
Once Ella was gone though, she cleaned up the kitchen back to spotless – as if Kaczor hadn’t been there, and that meal hadn’t taken place. She had no idea what to do with all the free time suddenly. At this point of the day she would have been already set for a round of physical torture at least. But the cruelty of her words still bothered her. Kaczor still loved Ella. She did, even if she wasn’t nice about it. She didn’t know if she could trust her, and she couldn’t come back to that relationship like nothing had happened either.
She just hoped that she could get in touch with her contacts soon, deliver her information, and then..?
Leave the resistance? Probably. She had Annie now, and a broken marriage to try and fix, and the deaths of several people on her hands. If she left would she be content to sit back and let it all happen, without having a hand in bringing about the change she had given up so much for already – had decided to sacrifice for not only herself, but her family too. All because she had the name that had ensured that not everyone was executed immediately. All because she hadn’t planned on actually falling in love with Ella along the way.
She had been meant to be a means to and end. And even looking at her brought the pain back, but she’d take pain over nothing. Pain meant she still loved the other woman, even if she didn’t know if Ella actually loved her back or not. She never had told her she loved her. And Kaczor wore that hurt openly now. Damnit. She was going to get herself caught again if she didn’t learn to compartmentalize soon enough. Act the part. Appropriately. “Fuck.”
She’d spend the day watching the crystals. As soon as Ella showed she’d claim she needed time to put affairs in order, Sarianne would probably want her mother again soon enough, that couldn’t be helped. “At least I have you, for now, my girl. Come help mapa make some decisions about buying some new slaves and whether mapa will need to go back to being a papa to keep this household together.”
She sighed. Why had she fallen in love along the way. This whole thing would be simpler had she not fallen in love.
--------------
Though she'd dressed for the day, she didn't do anything with herself. In the library, she read herself to sleep. Her tears had been short-lived, though her nap in one of the chairs was not. She didn't wake back up for another handful of hours, right around lunch.
Ella didn't seek her daughter out, or her wife. She prepared a cold lunch, and left it in the icebox for the other woman, and prepared a bottle for the baby. She ate her own lunch, and slipped outside in the garden. Not as expansive as the Tilani manor's, but it was enough for her to take peace in just sitting out there.
She eventually went to take lunch to her wife and child, opting to cradle Annie to her while she gave her the bottle. Her gaze didn't find her wife. When Kaczor finished eating, and the baby as well, Ella handed the baby back over and took the dishes from the study.
Quiet. Unwilling to speak to the other woman. Perhaps it was a good thing she's never told Kaczor that she loved her.
Dishes washed, lunch eaten... Ella retreated to the master bed with another book. A few hours before dinner, she and Sarianne were playing in the nursery floor, she'd let her wife keep the child for the majority of the day.
And when it's time to make dinner, Ella wore the baby across her front while she cooked. Something simple for Kaczor, despite the fact she was upset, she'd noted the other woman had struggled with breakfast. Toasted bread, peanut butter and jelly with a side of apple slices and a glass of milk.
Another, smaller sandwich for the child. And when she made hers, she mashed a banana into the peanut butter. Dinner was served, with no conversation, save for the babbling of the baby from her highchair.
And then she'd let her wife take the child, to bathe her. And once she was certain that her wife had taken their daughter back to the study with her, Ella set her own bath up.
The water hurt, even worse lately, and she exhaled sharply as she settled into the tub. She's not even sure why she's crying, when she realizes she's quietly sobbing. Part of her thinks it's because her wife wasn't... her wife. And some part of her knows it's because of the pain; her shoulders were particularly tense, which would only make it worse.
Ella did not hear the other woman putting the child to bed. She didn't fully close the door between the bathroom and the nursery, either, as she'd expected to be out of the bath long before bedtime.
--------------
She had spend the day with Annie, trying to watch more of the crystals in between crying bouts from them both, and Ella making sure they ate. And apparently her wife was a better person than her, because the meals had been easy for her to stomach, light, and nothing too greasy or oily, nothing too dense that took more effort to chew. It was like the woman had noticed that the food hadn’t agreed with her, and keeping the food in was what helped her mana come back to her.
She had tried earlier, to make a shard of rounded ice for Sarianne to teethe on, her eyes having seen the start of a new tooth bursting through those delicate gums, so she knew a ice lolly would help. And she talked, she babbled to the baby, because she had been quiet for so long, and well, there were things that Annie wouldn’t remember, that she could confess to the infant to get them out of her, away from the other that was there inside her. It had been a day. And before long, she had crept from the study into the nursery to set Annie down for the night. She had planned on collecting a change of clothes from the bedroom, and a blanket and pillow and then retreating back to her study. The couch in there was enough, and, honestly, there were beds in the slave’s old quarters. She could always go up to the attic and sleep there. Or on Annie’s floor again.
She hadn’t expected Ella to be in the tub still, and hadn’t expected her to be crying, to see the angry skin around the scars of her wings dry and probably painful again. They had spent so much time working those scars loose, supple again, but a year of no one to help massage the oil into the skin, around the roughness there. It was habit, habit that was remembered from a happier time as she slipped into the bathroom behind her wife, and took a seat on the edge of the tub, her hands moving to where the expensive, triple filtered and sweet lemon and lavender scented oil was. A lady in the city had made it especially for scar tissue, when Kaczor had it made.
Her fingers went straight to work, no thought that this hadn’t been done in a year, no thought that it would startle her poor wife, no thought to anything other than Ella was in pain and this was something Kaczor could do to help lessen that pain. She started at the edges, gentle and working oil into the skin that was unblemished, knowing that the internal pain had spread into the surrounding areas. She worked gently, like they had at the first. Feather light and in small strokes, to make sure that the contact was intentionally brief in the areas that would hurt the most. She didn’t talk while she worked. And she figured her wife would probably punch her after.
She didn’t let her touch stray away from just the pain relief – she had no desires right now, as dysphoric as her last year had been, she wasn't desirable, nor deserving of any physical attention, so, if Ella tried to touch, she had already decided she would leave. She couldn’t. Not when she was so ashamed of her body, or what it was like right now. “Her first smile is my favorite so far.”
It was an olive branch.
--------------
The unexpected touch made her inhale sharply. Her nails dug into her legs, as she leaned forward, pressing her forehead to her knees. Still crying, though that's easing up. At least, until her wife's fingers touch the worst of her scars; each time she audibly whimpers, muffled against her knees.
It felt good, though. And she knew it'd only feel better, the more often it was done. When Kaczor's finished, Ella's gaze didn't leave the water, which was rapidly cooling.
"Th... that's because you... you've not seen her first steps," she whispered, sniffling and wiping her face with wet hands. Washing her tears away.
And then, they went their separate ways. Ella, to the master bedroom. She'd leave her wife in the bathroom, dark eyes glancing over the other woman's form, as she sat a fresh blanket and pillow on the bathroom counter for her to take.
And then, she shut the door between the rooms.
She was under no illusion that Kaczor wanted to share a bed with her; and right now, she wasn't certain she'd want the other woman there anyway.
That night, she cried herself to sleep.
It's been there for so long, it's not something anyone thinks about anymore. A week had passed, and Ella couldn't help but wish her spouse had died while in re-education. It was the worst thought she's ever had; but any dream of being happy that Kaczor was home... was shattered, the second her wife had dug in her nails and stated that their baby would be a productive member of society due to their magic, that the household would be managed in an iron grasp.
And while nothing had changed, just yet, and likely wouldn't until Kaczor was recovered... Marriage was starting to feel like another cage. And Ella had been considering using the money in her bank account; except she knew she'd never get custody of Sarianne. No matter what friends in high positions.
So, when Kaczor wanted to go out as a family, Ella dressed and went with. Desperately hoping she'd find some sembalance of the woman that had taught her she wasn't an object to be owned would show her face.
It was better that Kaczor never knew Novella Tilani had loved her. If she knew, it'd just be another shackle around her ankle. The first, of course, was their daughter.
At least she was a good liar; good at faking. In public, she was the perfect, happy wife. Smiles and fleeting touches. Whereas, in private, she acted like a distant acquaintance, rather than a wife.
Only because of the child, she told herself. It was only because of the child. She wouldn't, couldn't, still love this woman. She couldn't love another cage.
Today's outing was quite simple; to get Kaczor's clothing tailored.
At least, it was simple until the barrier began to crumble. Ella was talking quietly to the baby, and didn't notice the immense loss of magical energy.
Not until the first pillar of stone crumbled; until the first scream echoed through the town square as people fell dead from an unseen cause.
--------------
The last two weeks had been a series of trial and error with her wife. She had just about decided that as soon as she turned in her final report to the resistance, that she was done. She had seen how much damage her getting that information had done. The strain that was felt with every interaction, that kept her wondering if she shouldn't just leave Ella and Sarianne with enough money to live comfortably for the rest of their lives, away from her. Away from the thing she had become, that the country had made her in their need to "re-educate", and her need to be useful to the movement that would see her child free from what her mother had gone through, should she too, end up without magic.
Two weeks of slipping into the bathroom at bed time to rub her wife's back, keeping the touch clinical, and then going back to her study to make plans, to put things in order. A week free had made her realize that her life had ended in that hellhole, and she was a shell of a person any more. Even as much as she wanted to fix things, she was just fucking them up more along the way. So she'd finish the job, finish setting her affairs in order, and then finish herself. Death would make Ella a widow, and Sarianne the Tilani heir, both would be set for life, Ella would be free to find life outside of a damaged, pretend woman who couldn't even keep her slaves or wife safe, and life would go on.
So they were at the tailors, to get one of her suits fitted properly. It would be the suit she'd have on her funeral pyre. It didn't take long for the suit to be trimmed to her smaller frame. She had used the excuse that she was vain and needed to not feel like she was drowning in her clothes from before. It was partially true, at least. But she had just brought the one set with her today. She would bring the rest later once she made sure these felt right.
Honestly it was such a bad lie -- she never had things re-tailored. She just went and had something new custom made and then would donate her old to the slaves to do with as they pleased. They were leaving the shop, Annie in Ella's arms, as she felt the magic backlash rip through the area, thank everything that the other woman had had the baby, because Kaczor fell with the surge and then absolute fucking absence of such a huge presence of magic gone.
And then there was the first chunk of earth falling, close to their left hand side, slowly, more and more chunks falling down closer to them -- buildings starting to crumble under the weight of falling earth.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck.." A person near them fell down dead, and then another chunk of earth blocked her view of the person. "Fucking hells, Ella come here." Kaczor grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her into her chest as she rapidly flew through the somantics of the spell, the sigils hanging in the air as she tapped deep into her magic reserves. She had been saving everything incase someone came to take her again -- she would have fought this time, so when the barrier spell finally flared to life, the third time that Kaczor had to shakily redraw the sigils, it was as a rock the side of the building they just left slammed down around them, dropping Kaczor to her knees as she pushed her arms up. Anything to keep the barrier up around her family as long as she could manage it.
As long as things were falling from the sky, she would use every bit of herself to protect her little family.
"Listen to me, Ella, listen. I'm sorry I've been a fucking asshole the past two weeks. I didn't want to come back so angry, I tried, I really tried. I've got everything set up, the paperwork to transfer everything to you and Annie, if we live through this, you can go..," she faltered a little, the barrier crushing down closer onto them, before the magic flared back stronger than before, pushing back outward and giving them the room to breathe at least again. "I won't try and keep you captive to me, but know I've loved you the entire time. Okay? I love you. And Sarianne. I love her too, I don't want a life without the two of you. I won't have a life without the two of you, but I won't make you stay, I won't have you miserable like this." Her words wibbled here and there, when something else fell on her barrier, her arms shaking with the effort to keep it above them, to not let anything crush them, the strain evident in her face, the shake of her body.
--------------
Before Ella understood what was happening, she was being yanked to her wife's chest, and the baby was screaming. Her screams mixed with the shrieks, heartbreaking, that were already in the air. The barrier that protected them was... killing them.
But she didn't start crying, not until her wife started to apologize.
No declaration of love. At this moment, it'd feel fake. No declaration of love, because she's realized, her wife was planning to leave them — though she wasn't certain how; the fact that everything was set to transfer to her and then their child... was telling.
Five minutes pass, before she's able to see military mages, lowering pieces of earth, righting buildings.
Another five minutes, before a siren sounds. Warning citizens to return to their homes. To await further instruction. And she sniffled, clinging to the squalling child as if she might disappear if she was released.
Trembling, Ella pulled her wife by the hand. She tried not to think about it; the love declaration, the... fact she could leave, if she wanted to.
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"Only thing I ever wanted, that.. that we raise her up being loved, but I can't make that happen if I keep making you miserable, darling." She hated that she couldn't even fully focus on the kiss, the attention needed to keep the barrier up, to protect the three of them, even as poor Annie screamed her little head off. She didn't realize she was crying until she tasted the tears on her life's lips.
After that she just focused on trying to keep them all calm, kissing little Annie's head, her forehead rested against Ella's as she used every bit of strength she had to keep the magic in place. And then she felt the largest of the pieces lifted off her own barrier and she breathed a sigh of relief, looking over and realizing it was taking seven military mages to lift the damn thing off them. She looked up, and took in the size of the stone, it was as big as their townhome, basement and attic included. And only when everything was lifted up off them, did Kaczor let the magic slip away from her, weak and tired.
When Ella took her hand and started to pull her across the square to their town home -- thankfully one of the few building still standing in the little area, Kaczor would later claim it was because she warded it so well... -- she nodded, hurring her girls along. They needed to get Annie inside, away from all the dust and sounds of people dying. Thank goodness she was too young to remember this day, Kaczor thought to herself. Part of why she had decided that dying was the best for them -- Annie would be too young to remember the woman who made her mother miserable. And Ella could tell her what ever she wanted when she got old enough.
But those thoughts had fled her, the moment she realized she was about to lose them both, to the barrier crashing down around them. But some had started to fall before the barrier, something else was going on. And as soon as they were in the house, Kaczor was busy putting wards on everything. "Let's gather in the formal sitting room and kitchen. In case something happens that's the easiest place to fortify, and the servant's bathroom is there too. Those three rooms are all connected and I can ward those the most."
--------------
And they did, gather downstairs in the servant's quarters. Ella helped her wife move the baby's crib downstairs. The little girl was hard to console, but eventually her sobs turned to hiccoughs, and even that died down after enough cuddling. They placed the cradle in the formal living room, in a corner.
And once the baby was fast asleep, Ella curled up on the couch in the same room. At first, she kept a lot of space between herself and her wife. But eventually, she settled right next to Kaczor, sniffing softly. "The world is falling apart around us." She whispered, reaching for the other woman's hand.
"But... you're here." She pressed a kiss to each of Kaczor's knuckles, murmuring, "Baby's asleep, she won't wake up for a bit."
--------------
The wards were placed, and the formal living room was on the interior of the house, no windows, it made it so much easier for her to ward those three connected rooms and the little garden area with the water pump, than it would have been for her to try and ward the entire house. By consolidating down into those three smaller rooms, her wards and barriers were much stronger, able to function without her focusing on them, and the absolute end of her mana. She was tapped for now, but Annie was safe. And Ella was safe, and they'd be safe from the looting tonight. They were in a richer part of the town, the military was already controlling their area. Frankly, it made Kaczor jumpy, to see that many military mages around her house. And she couldn't figure out why the barrier had fallen.
Another time. It was down, and that meant that there was going to be focus off her and her little family now. "You're here. I half expected you to bolt the second it was safe enough to go." It wasn't said with any cruelty, or malice, just, simply stating the fact, as she gently took her hand back from Ella's kisses and pulled the woman close instead. "Just let me hold you?"
She hadn't said she loved her. So Kaczor was convinced that as soon as it was safe for her to do so, Ella would be gone, so all she wanted was to hold her while she could.
--------------
"Why would I do that?" She frowned, pushing herself upright, so that she could meet her wife's gaze. "I love you, far too much to run off with our daughter." She declared, quietly.
Kaczor had pulled her hand away, and Ella reached to cup her face in both of her hands. "I love you. And I want you to do more than hold me." It didn't matter that they've hardly looked at one another in the two weeks Kaczor's been home; in this moment, she was still riding the adrenaline high that fear left in its wake.
Ella leaned for a kiss, murmuring, "I'm going to kiss you. And then I'm going to sit on your lap. Okay?" She'd wait, for any kind of rejection, before she kissed the woman. It was reminiscent of their first few months together; where Kaczor had detailed every, single, step of intimacy.
--------------
"Because you and I are miserable, my darling. I know I've made you miserable and I don't know if I can be the person I was before everything happened." But then she said what she needed to hear oh so badly, over two years, she had waited, a year of marriage, and then a year being locked away, and then two of the worst weeks of her life spent thinking that she'd take death over never getting that reassurance. A reassurance that she was loved in return, of that they would be raising Annie together.
She didn't know what to do with her hands, as Ella's lips touched hers, didn't know how to make the tears stopped that she knew now she was loved. And didn't know how to handle the shame of being immediately aroused by just the mere thought of having Ella straddling her lap. But she nodded, fighting down the dysphoria and shame that came from the sudden erection she had, she had Ella. She had her wife, her wife that had known her all along, the woman she fell in love with. "Okay." But the shame was only starting to send her into a panic.
--------------
Ella settled on her wife's lap, like she said she would. Aware of her erection, she was also aware of the fact the other woman was crying. "You've only made me miserable for two weeks. I was miserable all on my own, for a year," she murmured, wiping at Kaczor's tears. "I missed you. Regretted turning you in."
She brushed her thumbs under her wife's eyes, "Is this okay?" She's straddling her lap, so that she could face her. "Tell me where your head is." A quiet order, as she trailed her fingers down the other's face, along her neck until they rested easily on her shoulders.
"Talk to me. Why do you think you're not the woman you used to be?"
--------------
"Yes, but... okay, fair." She sniffled as she slid her arms around Ella's waist, holding her closer. "I forgave you, immediately. The moment I knew I had already forgiven you." Her voice was a whisper as she tried to not screw this up, a nod confirming she was okay with her wife in her lap. "I want it to be here, but it's on .."
She sniffled and then pulled Ella in for more of a hug, to hide her face in the side of her wife's neck. "They put me in with the male prisoners the entire time. How can you love someone who's not fully male or female? The.. the prison made sure to keep telling me I was male. They cut off all my hair, and didn't let me have anything sharp to shave. There were a lot of men with beards in there. Nothing sharp, nothing long enough to be used as a noose. So they took extra delight in denying me the one thing that would," that would be any sort of affirmation that she was really a her. And there was the whole re-education thing, but Kaczor was relatively sure that Ella knew it hadn't took.
The question now was, which of them would say something first. "Should I just have the magic done to get rid of it?"
--------------
Ella slipped her arms around her wife, hugging her tightly. "My darling," she murmured, pressing a kiss to the woman's temple. "I'm sorry." It broke her heart, and she stroked the back of Kaczor's neck, just listening. At least, until a question was posed.
"Is that what you want? To fully transition?" She inquired, tilting her head, leaning away from her wife, so that one of her hands could claim her chin. Tilt her head upwards, so that she could meet her gaze.
"Because my Kaczor, my wife, always liked herself as she was. So if you want to change yourself, I want it to be because you want it. Not because you're worried that you're not enough of a woman for me." She smiled softly, and traced her thumb over the woman's mouth.
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"I just don't want you to feel like you're with an embarrassment that can't make her mind up if she's a man or a woman. I've never felt I would be happy as either though, but I feel more comfortable like this. As long as.. that's who you want." She was uncomfortable with the eye contact, taking in a deep breath before she met those eyes again. "Here you are, putting me back together, as the world caves in around us."
She eventually could hold that gaze again though, "With the baby in the room, Lady Ella? Who are you and what did you do with my wife," she teased gently.
--------------
"Mmm, I think you're quite perfect. Though, you're certainly not a nice person. But you did warn me." She chuckled softly, "Better late than never, right?"
And then Kaczor was teasing her. And she shrugged. "Might as well make the end of the world fun. Besides, she's asleep..." Though she did glance to the cradle, biting her lip. "Kitchen?" Close enough, under the wards, to hear the baby.
But not in the same room as the child.
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"Here, it's more comfortable, and she'll never be the wiser as long as we're quiet." She leaned in and pulled her robe off, tossing it over back behind the couch. "Say it again?"
She asked as she went to tug Ella's dress off over her head, ready to have her hands on her wife in more than just a clinical manner. "Now that I've heard it, I don't think I'm ever going to grow tired of it." Once she had rid them of some of their clothes, she had an insatiable desire to have her hands on her wife's body. "It's been too long.."
She picked the bottle up and went back through into the kitchen, bouncing Annie on one arm as she went to the sink. “Do you wanna momma little one?” Sarianne had made grabby hands at her mother on the way by, and Kaczor moved over to hand the child off to Ella. There was no jealousy felt, or an anger about it – the baby wanted her mother, and not the stranger. It was fine. Plus it meant that Kaczor could wash the bottle out and put it back away. “Is that a high chair I saw over to the side?”
Once the bottle and her hands were cleaned, she went and got the chair and brought it over for Ella to put Annie down for the cooking. She knew better than to try and make the mother of her child try to handle both at once, especially since there was some tempers flaring. But she didn’t rise to the anger, instead just went about the morning still. “There. I’ll chop these.” Kaczor took the tomatoes and carrot and moved over to another counter top to cut them up. One tomato she cut into wedges, the other into slices, before slicing the carrots into thin chips. When she made it back to the manor, she’d need to ask Cook for the mix of herbs she used for the carrots. It had been a favorite of hers as a child, so it might stand to reason they’d need it on hand before too long.
--------------
"I enjoy the house-work." She murmured, as she was handed the baby, who had buried her face against her mother's chest. Drool coated the fabric of her nightdress, as the child chewed on the fabric like it was a pacifier.
The chair was brought over, and she let the child stay in her arms for another moment. Little fingers gripped the fabric of her nightdress, and Ella inhaled the child's sweet scent.
Eventually, she dropped off of the counter, and settled the baby into the high chair, so that she could flip the bacon. Little fingers still held tightly to the ends of her nightdress, though, and Ella was mindful of that fact as she knelt in front of the ice-box to claim some eggs and another bottle of milk.
A clean pan, she set to making omelettes. Outside, the sun was just rising; embracing the world in the soft glow of early morning. And as it got brighter, Ella blew out candles since the sunlight filtered into the kitchen and lit it brightly enough to see.
"You can't just decide these things without giving me a say." Ella murmured, as she beat the eggs in a bowl, seasoning lightly. "You taught me that I always have a choice." It was such a simple thing; but the fact her wife simply decided and so it was, hit a nerve.
The kitchen fell into silence as she cooked. She paused only to let the baby have a taste of bacon, before she was making two omelettes to go with the meal.
Eventually, the food was plated, and Ella ate standing next to the highchair, feeding small bites to Sarianne.
--------------
“Maybe that’s why I lost a year of my daughter’s life then, hmm?” She finished slicing the vegetables, and set the knife aside, platting the tomatoes, before tossing the carrots in her hands under flowing water to rinse them, and then set them in a bowl of water so they wouldn’t dry out. “Because I was too progressive in running my household. I plan on setting that right. My time being taught the error of my ways was well spent. I should have had a stronger hand in the house hold.”
She didn’t touch anything on the plate that the baby didn’t eat first. It was cruel, but at the same time, her wife was a spy. And she didn’t know if she still was or not. “So it is how it will be. Sarianne will be raised the way the Archon intends, and when her magic manifests, which it will, she’ll be a productive member of society.” She barely touched the meal, scowling that it was too.. Flavorful for her now. The bite of bacon had her insides rolling as soon as it hit her stomach, and the egg – though her tongue appreciated it so much – it felt leaden inside a stomach that had little more than plantago and slated bread and water for a year. Three bites and she was pushing the plate aside some, her features drawn as she fought to keep those three bites down. She wasn’t sure how the fruit and vegetables from last night had stayed down other than sheer fucking need to have just a tiny bit of sustenance to fuel her magic.
She set her mind to it and ate the rest down, barely pausing the chew or taste. She knew her stomach wouldn’t like it, but she needed it, needed the fuel to get herself back into fighting shape. “Or are you suggesting that we not follow the Archon’s teachings… wife?”
--------------
Ella stared down at her own plate, and after just a few bites, the conversation had soured her appetite.
Productive...She trailed off, blinking back tears. She'd been spoiled, by a progressive spouse who gave her everything she never had. It wasn't too hard to determine that her feelings had been hurt.
She left her half-eaten breakfast on the table, pressed a kiss to the top of their daughters' head, and started up the stairs.
There's nothing in the Archon's teachings that requires you to be cruel to your spouse. But, I suppose you bought and paid for me. Treat me how you wish.Even if that money had gone into an account just for her.
The implication was clear; just as a slave had no choice in their master, she had had no choice in her spouse. She disappeared upstairs, hugging herself as she walked through the house to dress for the day. She dressed in something nice, but simple, and debated if she wanted to spend the day in the house or do something, anything, to get away from Kaczor.
--------------
“Yes, I did, didn’t I? Bought and paid for you?” She smirked as the woman left, going over and picking Sarianne up. “Don’t worry sweetheart, we’ll get this household back in order to what the Archon intends so you never have to go through what your mapa went through, ever.”
Once Ella was gone though, she cleaned up the kitchen back to spotless – as if Kaczor hadn’t been there, and that meal hadn’t taken place. She had no idea what to do with all the free time suddenly. At this point of the day she would have been already set for a round of physical torture at least. But the cruelty of her words still bothered her. Kaczor still loved Ella. She did, even if she wasn’t nice about it. She didn’t know if she could trust her, and she couldn’t come back to that relationship like nothing had happened either.
She just hoped that she could get in touch with her contacts soon, deliver her information, and then..?
Leave the resistance? Probably. She had Annie now, and a broken marriage to try and fix, and the deaths of several people on her hands. If she left would she be content to sit back and let it all happen, without having a hand in bringing about the change she had given up so much for already – had decided to sacrifice for not only herself, but her family too. All because she had the name that had ensured that not everyone was executed immediately. All because she hadn’t planned on actually falling in love with Ella along the way.
She had been meant to be a means to and end. And even looking at her brought the pain back, but she’d take pain over nothing. Pain meant she still loved the other woman, even if she didn’t know if Ella actually loved her back or not. She never had told her she loved her. And Kaczor wore that hurt openly now. Damnit. She was going to get herself caught again if she didn’t learn to compartmentalize soon enough. Act the part. Appropriately. “Fuck.”
She’d spend the day watching the crystals. As soon as Ella showed she’d claim she needed time to put affairs in order, Sarianne would probably want her mother again soon enough, that couldn’t be helped. “At least I have you, for now, my girl. Come help mapa make some decisions about buying some new slaves and whether mapa will need to go back to being a papa to keep this household together.”
She sighed. Why had she fallen in love along the way. This whole thing would be simpler had she not fallen in love.
--------------
Though she'd dressed for the day, she didn't do anything with herself. In the library, she read herself to sleep. Her tears had been short-lived, though her nap in one of the chairs was not. She didn't wake back up for another handful of hours, right around lunch.
Ella didn't seek her daughter out, or her wife. She prepared a cold lunch, and left it in the icebox for the other woman, and prepared a bottle for the baby. She ate her own lunch, and slipped outside in the garden. Not as expansive as the Tilani manor's, but it was enough for her to take peace in just sitting out there.
She eventually went to take lunch to her wife and child, opting to cradle Annie to her while she gave her the bottle. Her gaze didn't find her wife. When Kaczor finished eating, and the baby as well, Ella handed the baby back over and took the dishes from the study.
Quiet. Unwilling to speak to the other woman. Perhaps it was a good thing she's never told Kaczor that she loved her.
Dishes washed, lunch eaten... Ella retreated to the master bed with another book. A few hours before dinner, she and Sarianne were playing in the nursery floor, she'd let her wife keep the child for the majority of the day.
And when it's time to make dinner, Ella wore the baby across her front while she cooked. Something simple for Kaczor, despite the fact she was upset, she'd noted the other woman had struggled with breakfast. Toasted bread, peanut butter and jelly with a side of apple slices and a glass of milk.
Another, smaller sandwich for the child. And when she made hers, she mashed a banana into the peanut butter. Dinner was served, with no conversation, save for the babbling of the baby from her highchair.
And then she'd let her wife take the child, to bathe her. And once she was certain that her wife had taken their daughter back to the study with her, Ella set her own bath up.
The water hurt, even worse lately, and she exhaled sharply as she settled into the tub. She's not even sure why she's crying, when she realizes she's quietly sobbing. Part of her thinks it's because her wife wasn't... her wife. And some part of her knows it's because of the pain; her shoulders were particularly tense, which would only make it worse.
Ella did not hear the other woman putting the child to bed. She didn't fully close the door between the bathroom and the nursery, either, as she'd expected to be out of the bath long before bedtime.
--------------
She had spend the day with Annie, trying to watch more of the crystals in between crying bouts from them both, and Ella making sure they ate. And apparently her wife was a better person than her, because the meals had been easy for her to stomach, light, and nothing too greasy or oily, nothing too dense that took more effort to chew. It was like the woman had noticed that the food hadn’t agreed with her, and keeping the food in was what helped her mana come back to her.
She had tried earlier, to make a shard of rounded ice for Sarianne to teethe on, her eyes having seen the start of a new tooth bursting through those delicate gums, so she knew a ice lolly would help. And she talked, she babbled to the baby, because she had been quiet for so long, and well, there were things that Annie wouldn’t remember, that she could confess to the infant to get them out of her, away from the other that was there inside her. It had been a day. And before long, she had crept from the study into the nursery to set Annie down for the night. She had planned on collecting a change of clothes from the bedroom, and a blanket and pillow and then retreating back to her study. The couch in there was enough, and, honestly, there were beds in the slave’s old quarters. She could always go up to the attic and sleep there. Or on Annie’s floor again.
She hadn’t expected Ella to be in the tub still, and hadn’t expected her to be crying, to see the angry skin around the scars of her wings dry and probably painful again. They had spent so much time working those scars loose, supple again, but a year of no one to help massage the oil into the skin, around the roughness there. It was habit, habit that was remembered from a happier time as she slipped into the bathroom behind her wife, and took a seat on the edge of the tub, her hands moving to where the expensive, triple filtered and sweet lemon and lavender scented oil was. A lady in the city had made it especially for scar tissue, when Kaczor had it made.
Her fingers went straight to work, no thought that this hadn’t been done in a year, no thought that it would startle her poor wife, no thought to anything other than Ella was in pain and this was something Kaczor could do to help lessen that pain. She started at the edges, gentle and working oil into the skin that was unblemished, knowing that the internal pain had spread into the surrounding areas. She worked gently, like they had at the first. Feather light and in small strokes, to make sure that the contact was intentionally brief in the areas that would hurt the most. She didn’t talk while she worked. And she figured her wife would probably punch her after.
She didn’t let her touch stray away from just the pain relief – she had no desires right now, as dysphoric as her last year had been, she wasn't desirable, nor deserving of any physical attention, so, if Ella tried to touch, she had already decided she would leave. She couldn’t. Not when she was so ashamed of her body, or what it was like right now. “Her first smile is my favorite so far.”
It was an olive branch.
--------------
The unexpected touch made her inhale sharply. Her nails dug into her legs, as she leaned forward, pressing her forehead to her knees. Still crying, though that's easing up. At least, until her wife's fingers touch the worst of her scars; each time she audibly whimpers, muffled against her knees.
It felt good, though. And she knew it'd only feel better, the more often it was done. When Kaczor's finished, Ella's gaze didn't leave the water, which was rapidly cooling.
"Th... that's because you... you've not seen her first steps," she whispered, sniffling and wiping her face with wet hands. Washing her tears away.
And then, they went their separate ways. Ella, to the master bedroom. She'd leave her wife in the bathroom, dark eyes glancing over the other woman's form, as she sat a fresh blanket and pillow on the bathroom counter for her to take.
And then, she shut the door between the rooms.
She was under no illusion that Kaczor wanted to share a bed with her; and right now, she wasn't certain she'd want the other woman there anyway.
That night, she cried herself to sleep.
A Week Later
Tevinter's barrier — perhaps better described as an earthen wall in some parts of Tevinter, like this particular neighborhood which often had no military security in the streets — though it was no simple earthen wall as it went nearly over the entire country, hundreds of feet... sustained by magic, an invisible barrier that was practically impossible to breach if one got past the earthen wall. It was there to protect them; that's what they've been told.It's been there for so long, it's not something anyone thinks about anymore. A week had passed, and Ella couldn't help but wish her spouse had died while in re-education. It was the worst thought she's ever had; but any dream of being happy that Kaczor was home... was shattered, the second her wife had dug in her nails and stated that their baby would be a productive member of society due to their magic, that the household would be managed in an iron grasp.
And while nothing had changed, just yet, and likely wouldn't until Kaczor was recovered... Marriage was starting to feel like another cage. And Ella had been considering using the money in her bank account; except she knew she'd never get custody of Sarianne. No matter what friends in high positions.
So, when Kaczor wanted to go out as a family, Ella dressed and went with. Desperately hoping she'd find some sembalance of the woman that had taught her she wasn't an object to be owned would show her face.
It was better that Kaczor never knew Novella Tilani had loved her. If she knew, it'd just be another shackle around her ankle. The first, of course, was their daughter.
At least she was a good liar; good at faking. In public, she was the perfect, happy wife. Smiles and fleeting touches. Whereas, in private, she acted like a distant acquaintance, rather than a wife.
Only because of the child, she told herself. It was only because of the child. She wouldn't, couldn't, still love this woman. She couldn't love another cage.
Today's outing was quite simple; to get Kaczor's clothing tailored.
At least, it was simple until the barrier began to crumble. Ella was talking quietly to the baby, and didn't notice the immense loss of magical energy.
Not until the first pillar of stone crumbled; until the first scream echoed through the town square as people fell dead from an unseen cause.
--------------
The last two weeks had been a series of trial and error with her wife. She had just about decided that as soon as she turned in her final report to the resistance, that she was done. She had seen how much damage her getting that information had done. The strain that was felt with every interaction, that kept her wondering if she shouldn't just leave Ella and Sarianne with enough money to live comfortably for the rest of their lives, away from her. Away from the thing she had become, that the country had made her in their need to "re-educate", and her need to be useful to the movement that would see her child free from what her mother had gone through, should she too, end up without magic.
Two weeks of slipping into the bathroom at bed time to rub her wife's back, keeping the touch clinical, and then going back to her study to make plans, to put things in order. A week free had made her realize that her life had ended in that hellhole, and she was a shell of a person any more. Even as much as she wanted to fix things, she was just fucking them up more along the way. So she'd finish the job, finish setting her affairs in order, and then finish herself. Death would make Ella a widow, and Sarianne the Tilani heir, both would be set for life, Ella would be free to find life outside of a damaged, pretend woman who couldn't even keep her slaves or wife safe, and life would go on.
So they were at the tailors, to get one of her suits fitted properly. It would be the suit she'd have on her funeral pyre. It didn't take long for the suit to be trimmed to her smaller frame. She had used the excuse that she was vain and needed to not feel like she was drowning in her clothes from before. It was partially true, at least. But she had just brought the one set with her today. She would bring the rest later once she made sure these felt right.
Honestly it was such a bad lie -- she never had things re-tailored. She just went and had something new custom made and then would donate her old to the slaves to do with as they pleased. They were leaving the shop, Annie in Ella's arms, as she felt the magic backlash rip through the area, thank everything that the other woman had had the baby, because Kaczor fell with the surge and then absolute fucking absence of such a huge presence of magic gone.
And then there was the first chunk of earth falling, close to their left hand side, slowly, more and more chunks falling down closer to them -- buildings starting to crumble under the weight of falling earth.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck.." A person near them fell down dead, and then another chunk of earth blocked her view of the person. "Fucking hells, Ella come here." Kaczor grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her into her chest as she rapidly flew through the somantics of the spell, the sigils hanging in the air as she tapped deep into her magic reserves. She had been saving everything incase someone came to take her again -- she would have fought this time, so when the barrier spell finally flared to life, the third time that Kaczor had to shakily redraw the sigils, it was as a rock the side of the building they just left slammed down around them, dropping Kaczor to her knees as she pushed her arms up. Anything to keep the barrier up around her family as long as she could manage it.
As long as things were falling from the sky, she would use every bit of herself to protect her little family.
"Listen to me, Ella, listen. I'm sorry I've been a fucking asshole the past two weeks. I didn't want to come back so angry, I tried, I really tried. I've got everything set up, the paperwork to transfer everything to you and Annie, if we live through this, you can go..," she faltered a little, the barrier crushing down closer onto them, before the magic flared back stronger than before, pushing back outward and giving them the room to breathe at least again. "I won't try and keep you captive to me, but know I've loved you the entire time. Okay? I love you. And Sarianne. I love her too, I don't want a life without the two of you. I won't have a life without the two of you, but I won't make you stay, I won't have you miserable like this." Her words wibbled here and there, when something else fell on her barrier, her arms shaking with the effort to keep it above them, to not let anything crush them, the strain evident in her face, the shake of her body.
--------------
Before Ella understood what was happening, she was being yanked to her wife's chest, and the baby was screaming. Her screams mixed with the shrieks, heartbreaking, that were already in the air. The barrier that protected them was... killing them.
But she didn't start crying, not until her wife started to apologize.
N...She buried her face against her chest, the baby in-between them,
No. You don't get to leave. Y-you promised, we'd raise her toge-together.She trembled under the spell that was protecting them,
Two bad weeks isn't the end of us.
No declaration of love. At this moment, it'd feel fake. No declaration of love, because she's realized, her wife was planning to leave them — though she wasn't certain how; the fact that everything was set to transfer to her and then their child... was telling.
I don't want to go.She spoke loudly, to be heard over the screaming baby in her arms. And then she leaned for a kiss, though all she tasted was salt from tears. Her own? Or perhaps her wife's...
Five minutes pass, before she's able to see military mages, lowering pieces of earth, righting buildings.
Another five minutes, before a siren sounds. Warning citizens to return to their homes. To await further instruction. And she sniffled, clinging to the squalling child as if she might disappear if she was released.
We should... we should go h-home. Wait for instructions.It wouldn't do them any good to witness the panic, the looting, and then the discipline that would follow.
Trembling, Ella pulled her wife by the hand. She tried not to think about it; the love declaration, the... fact she could leave, if she wanted to.
--------------
"Only thing I ever wanted, that.. that we raise her up being loved, but I can't make that happen if I keep making you miserable, darling." She hated that she couldn't even fully focus on the kiss, the attention needed to keep the barrier up, to protect the three of them, even as poor Annie screamed her little head off. She didn't realize she was crying until she tasted the tears on her life's lips.
After that she just focused on trying to keep them all calm, kissing little Annie's head, her forehead rested against Ella's as she used every bit of strength she had to keep the magic in place. And then she felt the largest of the pieces lifted off her own barrier and she breathed a sigh of relief, looking over and realizing it was taking seven military mages to lift the damn thing off them. She looked up, and took in the size of the stone, it was as big as their townhome, basement and attic included. And only when everything was lifted up off them, did Kaczor let the magic slip away from her, weak and tired.
When Ella took her hand and started to pull her across the square to their town home -- thankfully one of the few building still standing in the little area, Kaczor would later claim it was because she warded it so well... -- she nodded, hurring her girls along. They needed to get Annie inside, away from all the dust and sounds of people dying. Thank goodness she was too young to remember this day, Kaczor thought to herself. Part of why she had decided that dying was the best for them -- Annie would be too young to remember the woman who made her mother miserable. And Ella could tell her what ever she wanted when she got old enough.
But those thoughts had fled her, the moment she realized she was about to lose them both, to the barrier crashing down around them. But some had started to fall before the barrier, something else was going on. And as soon as they were in the house, Kaczor was busy putting wards on everything. "Let's gather in the formal sitting room and kitchen. In case something happens that's the easiest place to fortify, and the servant's bathroom is there too. Those three rooms are all connected and I can ward those the most."
--------------
And they did, gather downstairs in the servant's quarters. Ella helped her wife move the baby's crib downstairs. The little girl was hard to console, but eventually her sobs turned to hiccoughs, and even that died down after enough cuddling. They placed the cradle in the formal living room, in a corner.
And once the baby was fast asleep, Ella curled up on the couch in the same room. At first, she kept a lot of space between herself and her wife. But eventually, she settled right next to Kaczor, sniffing softly. "The world is falling apart around us." She whispered, reaching for the other woman's hand.
"But... you're here." She pressed a kiss to each of Kaczor's knuckles, murmuring, "Baby's asleep, she won't wake up for a bit."
--------------
The wards were placed, and the formal living room was on the interior of the house, no windows, it made it so much easier for her to ward those three connected rooms and the little garden area with the water pump, than it would have been for her to try and ward the entire house. By consolidating down into those three smaller rooms, her wards and barriers were much stronger, able to function without her focusing on them, and the absolute end of her mana. She was tapped for now, but Annie was safe. And Ella was safe, and they'd be safe from the looting tonight. They were in a richer part of the town, the military was already controlling their area. Frankly, it made Kaczor jumpy, to see that many military mages around her house. And she couldn't figure out why the barrier had fallen.
Another time. It was down, and that meant that there was going to be focus off her and her little family now. "You're here. I half expected you to bolt the second it was safe enough to go." It wasn't said with any cruelty, or malice, just, simply stating the fact, as she gently took her hand back from Ella's kisses and pulled the woman close instead. "Just let me hold you?"
She hadn't said she loved her. So Kaczor was convinced that as soon as it was safe for her to do so, Ella would be gone, so all she wanted was to hold her while she could.
--------------
"Why would I do that?" She frowned, pushing herself upright, so that she could meet her wife's gaze. "I love you, far too much to run off with our daughter." She declared, quietly.
Kaczor had pulled her hand away, and Ella reached to cup her face in both of her hands. "I love you. And I want you to do more than hold me." It didn't matter that they've hardly looked at one another in the two weeks Kaczor's been home; in this moment, she was still riding the adrenaline high that fear left in its wake.
Ella leaned for a kiss, murmuring, "I'm going to kiss you. And then I'm going to sit on your lap. Okay?" She'd wait, for any kind of rejection, before she kissed the woman. It was reminiscent of their first few months together; where Kaczor had detailed every, single, step of intimacy.
--------------
"Because you and I are miserable, my darling. I know I've made you miserable and I don't know if I can be the person I was before everything happened." But then she said what she needed to hear oh so badly, over two years, she had waited, a year of marriage, and then a year being locked away, and then two of the worst weeks of her life spent thinking that she'd take death over never getting that reassurance. A reassurance that she was loved in return, of that they would be raising Annie together.
She didn't know what to do with her hands, as Ella's lips touched hers, didn't know how to make the tears stopped that she knew now she was loved. And didn't know how to handle the shame of being immediately aroused by just the mere thought of having Ella straddling her lap. But she nodded, fighting down the dysphoria and shame that came from the sudden erection she had, she had Ella. She had her wife, her wife that had known her all along, the woman she fell in love with. "Okay." But the shame was only starting to send her into a panic.
--------------
Ella settled on her wife's lap, like she said she would. Aware of her erection, she was also aware of the fact the other woman was crying. "You've only made me miserable for two weeks. I was miserable all on my own, for a year," she murmured, wiping at Kaczor's tears. "I missed you. Regretted turning you in."
She brushed her thumbs under her wife's eyes, "Is this okay?" She's straddling her lap, so that she could face her. "Tell me where your head is." A quiet order, as she trailed her fingers down the other's face, along her neck until they rested easily on her shoulders.
"Talk to me. Why do you think you're not the woman you used to be?"
--------------
"Yes, but... okay, fair." She sniffled as she slid her arms around Ella's waist, holding her closer. "I forgave you, immediately. The moment I knew I had already forgiven you." Her voice was a whisper as she tried to not screw this up, a nod confirming she was okay with her wife in her lap. "I want it to be here, but it's on .."
She sniffled and then pulled Ella in for more of a hug, to hide her face in the side of her wife's neck. "They put me in with the male prisoners the entire time. How can you love someone who's not fully male or female? The.. the prison made sure to keep telling me I was male. They cut off all my hair, and didn't let me have anything sharp to shave. There were a lot of men with beards in there. Nothing sharp, nothing long enough to be used as a noose. So they took extra delight in denying me the one thing that would," that would be any sort of affirmation that she was really a her. And there was the whole re-education thing, but Kaczor was relatively sure that Ella knew it hadn't took.
The question now was, which of them would say something first. "Should I just have the magic done to get rid of it?"
--------------
Ella slipped her arms around her wife, hugging her tightly. "My darling," she murmured, pressing a kiss to the woman's temple. "I'm sorry." It broke her heart, and she stroked the back of Kaczor's neck, just listening. At least, until a question was posed.
"Is that what you want? To fully transition?" She inquired, tilting her head, leaning away from her wife, so that one of her hands could claim her chin. Tilt her head upwards, so that she could meet her gaze.
"Because my Kaczor, my wife, always liked herself as she was. So if you want to change yourself, I want it to be because you want it. Not because you're worried that you're not enough of a woman for me." She smiled softly, and traced her thumb over the woman's mouth.
--------------
"I just don't want you to feel like you're with an embarrassment that can't make her mind up if she's a man or a woman. I've never felt I would be happy as either though, but I feel more comfortable like this. As long as.. that's who you want." She was uncomfortable with the eye contact, taking in a deep breath before she met those eyes again. "Here you are, putting me back together, as the world caves in around us."
She eventually could hold that gaze again though, "With the baby in the room, Lady Ella? Who are you and what did you do with my wife," she teased gently.
--------------
"Mmm, I think you're quite perfect. Though, you're certainly not a nice person. But you did warn me." She chuckled softly, "Better late than never, right?"
And then Kaczor was teasing her. And she shrugged. "Might as well make the end of the world fun. Besides, she's asleep..." Though she did glance to the cradle, biting her lip. "Kitchen?" Close enough, under the wards, to hear the baby.
But not in the same room as the child.
--------------
"Here, it's more comfortable, and she'll never be the wiser as long as we're quiet." She leaned in and pulled her robe off, tossing it over back behind the couch. "Say it again?"
She asked as she went to tug Ella's dress off over her head, ready to have her hands on her wife in more than just a clinical manner. "Now that I've heard it, I don't think I'm ever going to grow tired of it." Once she had rid them of some of their clothes, she had an insatiable desire to have her hands on her wife's body. "It's been too long.."
03-24-2024, 03:03 PM
