[+MATURE Grapefruit]The Day the World Ends

Ella was watching everyone file out, and sucked on the inside of her cheek. My Commander told me not to get so involved that I couldn't cut ties. She murmured, finally turning to look at her wife. He told me to enjoy it, make the assignment enjoyable. But to stay distant emotionally.

A long sigh, as she finally turned to face her spouse. I... was playing a part. The woman you fell in love with, she was fake. It hurt to admit that the demure, innocent girl she had been had been a lie; though not everything had been a lie — Ella had never had sex prior to Kaczor.

It hurt to admit, because Novella didn't know who she was. Though, she had discovered bits about herself in her time with Kaczor. I researched, and I learned everything you hated. And I became someone you'd want. She stated, quietly, gaze averted to the floor.

I... do not know who I am, she murmured, attempting to pull away from her wife. And I do not know what I want. Mal gave her the illusion of freedom, but it was easier when she knew she didn't have it. Freedom created hope which created doubt.

She'd never doubted herself before.