The tears had subsided, for the most part, and Haulean just felt drained... though the cuddles were helping with that, too. Haulean thrived off of affection like many plants thrived off of sunlight. Well. And honestly, Colt's presence overall was very comforting. And his voice. Who wouldn't feel better, hearing it? Anyway. Haulean listened to Colt's reasoning, finding it hard to argue or disagree with the logic there, even though his anxious inner thoughts tried to tell him that everything was ruined now, and no one wanted him. Idly, one hand lifted fingers to search for the cut at the hollow of his throat. The one he'd made, himself. If Nairn really hadn't wanted him... maybe he wouldn't have taken the dagger away?
Colt's laughter startled Haulean for a moment, and he looked up at him with wide eyes, blinking. Was it really so ludicrous? The thought of Meg not liking him anymore? Apparently. Haulean blushed beneath is freckles, and felt maybe a little silly having thought she'd hate him. But... still. It was going to be strange. Especially... if... "Nairn said... Well. First he said I was going to Arlathan. Then... then he said I was gonna go live with Meg and Ruth." Haulean had technically met Ruth in passing, a few times. But didn't really know him. That was one more person to be anxious about possibly hating him... But he tried not to think about it, in that moment. Much.
"Maybe Nairn could... just pretend I'm not his. And things could stay like they always have? Then nobody gets hurt, and I don't have to leave?" Yeah it sounded stupid out loud. But Haulean was desperate to keep things the same. He'd already had one gigantic, heartbreaking change in his life. He wasn't sure how many more his heart and mind could take, before breaking beyond repair. He'd always been fragile... and some part of his mind had always remained a bit childlike, despite his best efforts to grow up. He was eighteen, now. But he didn't want anything to change... Change was frightening and disruptive. Okay maybe sometimes it turned out alright. But not always. And this was the sort of change that felt like it would be for the worse.
"I don't want to go to Arlathan and learn a trade. I don't want him to wipe my debt and send me off. I want to stay here and keep things the same. I won't know anyone... I... I don't want to be alone, Colt... I'll die. Inside, and then out." He felt like he'd wither away from sadness. He'd seen it happen to people, before. And if anyone could die of loneliness, it would be him. Being around others, especially loved ones, gave him life. Maybe that was one of the reasons he was so good with the younger kids in the Coterie. He was always ready to play with the others like there wasn't another care in the world, teach anything that was in his power to teach, and then plop down in a cuddle puddle when all was said and done. And if he left... he wouldn't have any of that, with anyone.
Colt's laughter startled Haulean for a moment, and he looked up at him with wide eyes, blinking. Was it really so ludicrous? The thought of Meg not liking him anymore? Apparently. Haulean blushed beneath is freckles, and felt maybe a little silly having thought she'd hate him. But... still. It was going to be strange. Especially... if... "Nairn said... Well. First he said I was going to Arlathan. Then... then he said I was gonna go live with Meg and Ruth." Haulean had technically met Ruth in passing, a few times. But didn't really know him. That was one more person to be anxious about possibly hating him... But he tried not to think about it, in that moment. Much.
"Maybe Nairn could... just pretend I'm not his. And things could stay like they always have? Then nobody gets hurt, and I don't have to leave?" Yeah it sounded stupid out loud. But Haulean was desperate to keep things the same. He'd already had one gigantic, heartbreaking change in his life. He wasn't sure how many more his heart and mind could take, before breaking beyond repair. He'd always been fragile... and some part of his mind had always remained a bit childlike, despite his best efforts to grow up. He was eighteen, now. But he didn't want anything to change... Change was frightening and disruptive. Okay maybe sometimes it turned out alright. But not always. And this was the sort of change that felt like it would be for the worse.
"I don't want to go to Arlathan and learn a trade. I don't want him to wipe my debt and send me off. I want to stay here and keep things the same. I won't know anyone... I... I don't want to be alone, Colt... I'll die. Inside, and then out." He felt like he'd wither away from sadness. He'd seen it happen to people, before. And if anyone could die of loneliness, it would be him. Being around others, especially loved ones, gave him life. Maybe that was one of the reasons he was so good with the younger kids in the Coterie. He was always ready to play with the others like there wasn't another care in the world, teach anything that was in his power to teach, and then plop down in a cuddle puddle when all was said and done. And if he left... he wouldn't have any of that, with anyone.
05-25-2024, 09:37 AM
