Cooking the Books

Pffft. She rolled her eyes, Father's ego is not much better, you know. She gestured between the two of them, He made us. Handcrafted, with love. She liked seeing how at ease Malik was with Annie — but even still, there were days where Ella found herself jealous that he was child-free and unmarried. It was the same kind of envy that ate at her, when she saw anything she wanted but could not acquire (such as, prior to the child's birth, being envious of women with children).

Mmm, that's quite true. She'd never have missed Kaczor if she never left the prison. But Ella would have been eaten alive with guilt — an amusing concept, certainly, given the things she'd do at an order and the glee she took in those orders.

She settled back in her seat, watching her adoptive brother with the child, who was absolutely giddy at having all of her uncle's attention. Mmm, busy-busy. I worked the ball, front door. Been helping Kaczor get over her nightmares, she snorted, because she knew those nightmares were never going to leave. She'd been the person people were sent to for re-education before. It wasn't something that left. Mmm, you want her to buy the townhouse for you? I can write a check. She offered, without really considering what it'd cost.

Call it a thank you, for the cover-up. Even if he'd done it because they were family; in a fucked up sense. She reached for a cup of tea, sipping it for a moment. Debating what to tell him, because he wanted to know whether he needed to make a half-hearted threat.

I'm in a sexless marriage. By choice, of course. She's used sex to manipulate me for most of our marriage, she crinkled her nose. To be fair, I was doing the same thing. Though neither of those reasons were why she refused to sleep with her wife, or let the other woman touch her. No, it was more with figuring out what she liked, versus what other people expected her to like, to please them.

In the time that she was gone, I realized... almost everything about myself, was carefully crafted as a ploy for her. To do my job, get my objective. Even having the child, and the way her eyes flitted to the girl said as much. I don't... know if I like when she uses her hands, or the silks, or her mouth. I don't even know if I wanted a child. She was just... part of the cover. Though she did love the girl, and nurtured her as much.

She swirled her tea in her cup, staring down at the liquid. Where does the job stop and Novella begin? I dunno, so... we don't have sex. We go on dates, sometimes. But none of it's helped me figure out who I am, when I'm not a war dog.

She shrugged as if that was that. And finished her tea.

@Malik Vrai