Cogito, ergo sum

[color=#C10300]TW: Verbal Violence, mental and emotional abuse of a character aged 16.[/color]

Summoned, Asha hated being summoned by her mom, it usually meant one of two things. That Morrigan was upset with Asha in some way or that Morrigan had something to teach Asha, and Morrigan wasn't the most patient of teachers. Not that there weren't good reasons for there to be awkwardness between them. Asha's sudden ageing, Loghain's death, Asha's overall personality. 

She wished Kieran was going to be there, she felt a lot more at ease when he was there. She'd checked in with him first simply to put off the meeting with her mother a big longer, causing her to be a bit late, not that she cared. The rage demon in her stirred, it usually did when dealing with her mother. Emotions flooded, anger, annoyance, bitterness, a whole bunch of emotions cascading through her.

Asha made her way to the study, not exactly hurrying. She wished that her mother would just leave all the teaching to Lana, but she was limited in her choices as far as who could teach her Hedge Witch. Not that she was super in to learning it, it wasn't nearly as much fun as Shapeshifting, Zomancer or Glamour. Finally she entered the study.

Mother....

Being a hedge witch was a legacy, a tradition of their kind. So far the only line of tradition she had broken, was teaching her son the magic as it was typically reserved for women in the family. She stared at an old grimoire, the cracked leather flaking under her fingers. This book had been her life, her childhood, had been Kieran's childhood too. But things had been different with Kieran... with her. She wondered if the damn book had been her sisters' lives too. She'd have to talk to them eventually, ask. She couldn't trust the spirit that she shared her body with to give her a direct and truthful answer, after all.

Reading word after word in her mother's handwriting, remembering when she was taught the magic. She was raised up into it, unlike Asha'bellanar. Though, that had been the plan... Loghain was supposed to get his few years with her, teaching her to be a child, before Morrigan sank her claws into the girl and ripped apart her reality to ensure she'd survive in this shitstorm of a world. Loghain was gone, her daughter had gone from three years of age to teenaged practically overnight, and she hated her life. Not surprising. You were never one for the domestics. A voice chimed in her head, as she turned another page in the grimoire. Dark magics and rituals were transcribed here, magic practically oozed from the grimoire.

'Mother...'

She stood, slamming the book shut as she fixed the girl with a stare. We're going to practice illusion-crafting. Create two copies of yourself, now. No pleasantries, no how was Ferelden, no check-in about Lana and the twins. Right to it.

When Morrigan wasn't around Asha actually really loved the study, loved looking at the books, the way they smelled. The tension between her and her mother was complicated, she definitely loved her mother, mostly, probably, at least on some level? She didn't feel like her mother really understood her, especially since the whole suddenly becoming a teenager thing. Some days it didn't really bother Asha all that much, other days it made her really really angry and there were even days it made her really really sad. It usually felt like her emotions were all over the place.

She sighed, it wasn't shapeshifting or zomancer, but she did at least like glamour and illusion magic, as opposed to the hedge magic she was being forced to learn.

Two copies, right.... She scrunched her face up a bit while concentrating and put all her effort into making two copies of herself. She only managed one and it looked more like a ghost than a copy. She scrunched her face up even more trying to concentrate harder, but nothing changed.

Damn it...

Morrigan watched the attempt, her lips set in a firm line, neutrality, and yet if one knew her: she was disappointed. If you cannot master the simplest of magics, Asha'bellanar, then you are never going to master your birthright. The words were delivered in a flat tone, as she moved forward, stepping right through the copy. It felt as though she'd simply stepped into a cool air front in the room, and she sneered at her daughter. Weak. Pathetic. She shouldn't have stayed with Loghain after the child was born; living on the run had done well for Kieran's upbringing...

It'd dissolve as she interrupted it. Are you telling me that, a pause, as three copies of herself were created, in quick succession, Is the best you can do? Every copy mimicked her movements, spoke as she did. With a snap of her fingers, she dissolved the magic and came to stand just in front of her daughter. I should never have let your father raise you. He was too weak to understand what is expected of you. Translation: Kieran had turned out perfect, near perfect save for his anxieties, which Morrigan didn't care about. The boy could cast magic, he was studious, well-trained. Strong. This girl?

The girl might as well be some orphan she'd dragged in off the street.

Birthright, Asha didn't care one iota about her bloody birthright. She could feel the rage in her growing, her fists balled up tightly, finger nails digging into her skin. She hated being put on the spot, lessons with Lana were so much less stressful. Then as if one Morrigan was bad enough there were duplicates. The only thing keeping her from running away crying was the rage that was far stronger than the urge to cry.

Finally the rage built up to the point that she lost control of her magic, a sudden burst of energy and books spilled off the shelves of the bookcase.

That's a really low blow bringing up dad and it's really hard to do magic when you're looking down at me, judging me. Perhaps the problem isn't me as a student but you as a shitty teacher. The anger was still oozing out of her, she was so angry that when she tried to do the duplicates again, she succeeded.

Though the outpour of magic flung her books off of the shelves, it did not physically move Morrigan. Told you that'd work. Always use their weak points. She remembered her mother doing similar; though it had been a pet that Flemeth had killed to prove a point. She moved to shove one of the girls' duplicates. Your father's dead, Asha'bellanar. Nothing you, nor I, do about it is going to change that fact. The girl had had an entire childhood where Loghain raised her to be the weak-willed brat that stood before Morrigan today.

Pathetic.

Morrigan eventually came to stand before Asha once more, brown eyes staring down at her for a moment. If you think there is someone else out there, who can teach you, you're welcome to leave. She leaned down to her daughter's height, eye-level with her. But if you choose to leave, Asha, you leave your family behind. It hurt to say; on some level she knew this was her daughter, Loghain's baby girl. But... the girl frustrated and infuriated her, Morrigan had never had the patience for tantrums and fits. Even with more age to her, the girl was still a brat.

If she were her mother, she'd simply kill whomever the child cared about the most. Unfortunately, she'd already done that.

Lana would gladly take her in but that wasn't really the point. She wanted her dad back, but that wasn't going to ever happen. Well, maybe if she learned necromancy, but then it wouldn't really be her dad. Why couldn't her mother just be normal, and love her and accept her for who she was, why did it have to be so damn bloody hard all the time. Like she was constantly being appraised and found wanting.

She wasn't sure what to say to her mother, but somehow the thought of leaving her felt worse than the thought of staying, by at least a little bit.

Look I did the fucking duplicates, can we please just move on to what's next. Then she muttered under her breath something about Lana and shapeshifting magic.

Morrigan glared at Asha, though she straightened and moved back towards her desk, flicking her hand at various misplaced books, so that they'd rush back to their places on the shelves. Sure. Let's see how well you can summon, trap, and then dissipate a spirit. Much harder than just duplicates.

She reached for a book, holding it up to display the cover. You should have been reading this while you were in Ferelden. She doesn't ask if Asha did or did not, she assumes the girl didn't. However, the lesson would go on. Eventually, she'd scare the kid enough that she'd start learning properly.

It'd worked for Kieran.

Claiming a chalice, filled with what one could only assume to be blood, Morrigan moved forwards, holding it out to Asha. Since you have refused to even dabble in blood magic, you'll use my blood for this summons. Though blood magic was woven into the Witches of the Wilds bloodline, she would rather not deal with the disaster that would happen if she had Asha attempt the blood magic portion of the summoning ritual alone.

You're going to summon a spirit into this doll. We can't have you displacing Mythal, after all. No, because displacing Mythal meant the girl was dying. She might not like her daughter, but some small part of her remembered how happy Asha had made Loghain; how happy, very briefly, she'd been with her little family.

She doubted Asha remembered.

Asha tried to hide her fear, her surprise, tried to hide all those emotions, but damn, summoning a fucking spirit. This was insane, absolutely fucking insane. She tried to imagine what Lana might say to being taught summoning this soon. After all, she was just a three year old less than two years ago. She felt like she was constantly being compared to Kieran but Kieran had over a decade more life to practise.

How was I supposed to be reading the book if the book was here. Oozing sarcasm and rage. She wanted to scream I hate you and run out of the room but at the moment she was too stubborn to concede. She didn't want to be scared, but she was and she wasn't even sure why. Afraid of pissing her mother off even more, afraid of what she summons, just afraid, which somehow made her angrier. 

As the chalice was passed towards Asha, the smell and look of the blood inside suddenly made the room spin.

I... I uh.... Suddenly the floor was racing up to her as she collapsed in a heap.

Morrigan took a step backwards as the girl fainted, blood splattering the floor. She pursed her lips and perched on her desk, glaring at the body in the center of the mess.

Looks like you don't take after your dad either. Disappointing. She rested her chin in her palm, staring off into space as she waited for her daughter to come around.

Maybe Asha wasn't cut out for it. Loghain had made her soft... Loghain had been soft, under that tough exterior he'd tried to project. Perhaps that's what Asha needed to learn to do; to project who she wants people to believe she is over who she actually is.

Sacrifice everything to be the person she needs to be, even if it means compartmentalizing who she dreamed of being. Morrigan knew those lessons well. So, she waited, idly flipping through a book.

It hadn't dawned on Asha that she hadn't really been around blood before, the dream world she'd lived in for the year of her coma had been picture perfect and overall she'd only been alive for five years of life. She wasn't sure what she expected but it certainly wasn't to feint like some idiot. As if her standing with her mother wasn't bad enough now this, another weakness for Morrigan to be disappointed in.

She stirred and slowly got to her feet, one hand on her head trying desperately not to look at the blood that had gotten on her. What the fuck was she supposed to say to her mother now. The silence was deafening, finally Asha broke it.

Well, that was unexpected, huh... I don't suppose there's a way to summon without having to use blood...

Morrigan stared blankly at the girl. No. Summoning is tied to blood magic which is inherently tied to blood. This magic literally flows through your veins and you're scared of it? Her voice was flat, level, and disappointed. There was no look of amusement in her eyes; just a blank stare that seemed to look past the girl.

Loghain would have been proud of her; would have offered the kid more options than 'learn blood magic or I won't love you', but Loghain wasn't here and that was part of Morrigan's problem.

Practice harder. She dismissed the girl, as if she were just some student and not her own daughter.

Asha's jaw clenched slightly, she was determined not to cry, but it was hard not to feel that way. Despite her appearances as a teenager, she'd really only been alive for around five years or so, she was still young of heart and mind. She wanted her dad so badly she could practically taste it, at least Lana understood that she just didn't care about blood magic, she wasn't sure if her mother was even capable of such a realisation.

I just, I just wasn't ready, it's not like I've seen as much gore and guts as you have and that stare of disappointment and annoyance you have doesn't exactly instil confidence in me. Wait, no, what am I saying, uncaring bitch is the only way you know how to be...

Morrigan smirked as the girl voiced her opinions and thoughts. She moved to stand just in front of Asha, You seem pretty confident, kid. She was quiet, thinking about her next words briefly. You know, your dad thought I was a bitch too. Difference between you and him, she reached to stroke her daughter's cheek, He realized how dangerous I could be.

She took a step backwards from the child, and moved to her desk, picking up a small, but heavy, book and flinging it to Asha. If you refuse to touch blood magic, summon a demon this way. Read up on it, practice it, and do not come near me until you've succeeded.

Her back was to Asha, as she dismissed her, harshly.

In some ways Asha should be used to the way that Morrigan was, but in other ways she still deeply hoped for a more compassionate and understanding mother. At least Lana seemed to understand Asha better and was far kinder. Asha honestly wasn't sure how Morrigan and Lana were even friends, they were such opposites, or at least it seemed that way to Asha.

She took the book, ran her finger across the spine and nodded. She did like books, a lot more than she liked the one on one sessions with her mother. She didn't bother saying anything as she left the room, it wasn't as if Morrigan cared about anything Asha had to say. She decided to go back to her room and look the book over there.