A moment of empathy

Julian had been asked by his father to go to the palace and talk to a few crows regarding some business of his. His father would pawn off things for him to do because he was the heir and he needed to know how to do them. His father has always been busy with Talon business. It was hard to miss someone, who rarely was ever part of his life. He loved his father but he wasn't as close as most children would be with their fathers. Plus everything they ever talked about was business. He didn't want to be the heir. That was his brother's right but somehow Tomas became unwell. Julian would take the responsibilities seriously but would also do things in his own way. Hence, living a double life as a crow and potentially making future plans to overthrow one of the Talons. That plan wouldn't happen for a long time but it was in the making. Entering the palace, it was crowded with crows. It was filled with people that were trying to figure out what to do after the king had been murdered.  

His business was to talk to a few crows who were under his father to relay information about some sort of deal. Julian didn't ask for details as the message he was delivering was super vague. It wasn't long till he found out who he needed to talk to. A parchment was given to a few crows with the intended vague message. Julian smiled and was off. As he passed a hallway, he noticed a library entry. He did enjoy books. Julian had the time so he moved through the entryway and entered the Library. He found himself in a column of books that were more theories of language and the history of the world they lived in. Knowledge was something he loved but when others are ingraining it in you, reading about it can be boring at times. His left hand moved along the stems of the books. He didn't know what he was looking for but eventually, something would draw his attention.  

Eularia might live in the Palace of the Kings, but it was basically Crow HQ these days. She knew her husband would be fuming about such a thing, but he wasn't here anymore.

The one place that the Crows hadn't infilitrated, was the library. Her husband, in one of his manic moments, had turned the library into a home for a ton of plants, making it very unappealing to those seeking to read books.

She didn't mind, though. She cared for the plants, she read books from the shelves to the children... She pretended she was mourning. She couldn't even send a scout out to search for her husband, since she'd had him declared deceased. Probably a bad move on her part...

As she entered the library, she caught sight of a young man, and furrowed her brow. What are you doing in here? She inquired, curious as to who dared disrupt her space. She was dressed in mourning attire, making her easily identifiable.

Julian's body froze as he heard the female voice. He slowly turned around to face the familiar voice. To his surprise, it was the Queen. Immediately, he bowed his head in acknowledgment to the Queen. She was still the Queen, even though he knew the Talons and Crows truly ruled the city. A pain of sorrow pinged throughout his body. He never got the chance to give his condolences to her personally about the King's death. Julian's posture, quickly perked up, and gave the Queen a warm smile. "Good afternoon, Queen Eularia...I was just spending a bit of free time, looking for a book....and well was hoping to run into Alonso here but it seems I have missed him." Julian stretched the truth a bit. He wasn't looking for Alonso but it was a good cover. As of late, Julian had been busy with doing dealings for his father that he hasn't spent much time with Alonso. "Apologies, I have been rather busy as of late and I haven't given you proper condolences. Losing someone is quite hard.  If there was anything you needed, I certainly would offer my services." 

Eularia chuckled softly at the flustered nature of the young Crow. Ah, Julian. She gave the young man a meaningful grin, as she moved to claim a watering can from one of the shelves. Alonso and yourself have been spending quite a bit of time together lately. While I don't mind, I want my children happy, she watered the plants, her back to the boy.

Should you hurt my son, Julian... well, they don't call me the Necromancer Queen for fun. She moved to the next set of plants. Be mindful of how you treat my boys. There was no change in her chipper tone.

She moved further into the library, Yes, yes. It's quite a shame. But you have nothing that I need. She stated, cheerfully as she watered the last of her husband's plants.

But thank you for the offer. Is there anything that I can help you with tonight?

Julian was taken aback by the comment from the Queen. A slight blush of red covered his cheeks. "I mean, Alonso and I have known each other for a while. I'd never imagined I'd ever want to hurt him...." Julian began to follow the Queen as she moved through the library, watering the plants. It was an interesting place for plants but it made a difference. Unique in its own way. Maybe that was why it didn't get too much attention. He couldn't ever forget the moment he met Alonso here in this library. Julian sneaked away from his father, to find a particular book and bumped into Alonso. It was quite embarrassing. "Of course. I'd would never want to have the Necromancer Queen out for my head." As he followed, there was a slight pause from Julian. He wished he could do something more. Quite a shame? He thought. The words echoed in his head. Odd phrasing he thought but everyone grieved in their own way. He still held onto his own grief about his mother...his mother he never met. "I...uh....have a question....if you don't mind answering....if it's too personal by all means just tell me to mind my tongue...How do you deal with grief? Like how do you let it go?" Julian's words soften as he spoke. He never had someone to truly talk to about this. For someone losing someone, maybe he could help get a better understanding of the matter. His sudden facial expression on Julian went slightly grim. Bringing up his mother's death was always hard for him. He blamed himself for her death. Maybe if wasn't born, she would still be alive. The morbid thoughts roared deep within him but he kept them locked up in a box.

Eularia listened to the boy, pausing in her movements as he asked a question. I'm the wrong person to ask, Julian. The First Talon tasked me with the death of Francesco Campana thirty-ish years ago. Her voice was level, as she studied the boy. She wasn't sure what face she needed to wear. But she had lost people, she could be of some use.

Grieved Queen?

Satisified Crow?

What face was the truth? Anyone who had seen how the Queen and late King interacted, would know that even the public questioned whether she loved him. Obviously, he'd been head over heels for her. But Eularia had brushed him off, very little shows of affection in public. The only ones who knew that she truly loved her husband were their children.

She'd play the part of the Crow and shove her true grief and worry down.

I grieve for the public, so that they can deny they have a monster for a Queen. But my loyalty to the Crows, to my duty, to the task assigned, always came first. She turned to face the young man.

But, true grief... the loss of a loved one, it fades with time. If you let it. She mused, leaning against a bookshelf. But you have to learn to be like a duck, and let the grief roll off of your back. Otherwise, you'll blame yourself, resent yourself... and you cannot let it go.

Julian shook his head slightly embarrassed. He shouldn't have even asked such a question. Too personal for his taste. He didn't know why he even asked. It was better just to leave those feelings locked away. Let it just roll away in a sense. "My apologies for such a personal question." As he spoke, his hands lingered on the spine of a book. The touch of the spine gave him a sense of security. A fidget in a way, to keep his hands focused. "I understand about duty....I wasn't supposed to be heir but now I must take the mantle of my father's place when he is gone." His older brother was diagnosed with a medical condition that would make him not fit to be head of the Third Talon. As much as he didn't want to be head, he knew what needed to be done. 

Julian let go of his fingers on the spine of a book and let it drift down to his side. His hands found purchase in his pockets. A place to hide his own discomfort in dealing with his slight feelings about his mother's death. He listened to the Queen and gave a nod, eventually, his smile came back, fake as it might be, it was still believable coming from Julian. "I appreciate the advice. I'll do my best to work on, letting those feelings roll away." 

Eularia studied the boy. And do you think you're ready? For a position that you were never intended to take? She knew what that felt like. She'd never intended to be queen, and her mother-in-law had never intended for her to take the mantle either.

But now, she was here.

Alone.

With children that resented her. Because their father's death meant one thing — she had finally done her job as a Crow.

It isn't easy, but sometimes one must rise to the title.

Julian stared at the Queen. He wasn't expecting to be asked. It was just a given for him. Julian was never asked and was just told this was now the plan. Sink or swim, regardless it will happen. Julian would either strive on a boastful ship or be on a drowning ship that could potentially ruin his family if he wasn't prepared. Without letting the silence take him, Julian gave a small confident smile to the Queen. [color=#c10300]"Regardless of this current wave not being originally intended for me. I have no choice but to be ready for it. Sink or Swim. It's happening."[/color] Julian paused briefly as his eyes lingered on the Queen. [color=#c10300]"I know what family responsibility means. As much as I want to fight it, I'll always do what is needed...no matter what..." [/color]

Would it be easy? Of course not. When his father steps down or worse passes ever, it will be his responsibility to keep the family in line and to what it means to be a third Talon. He had his own ways of doing things and he would make sure things were done. Part of him thought about what would happen if it came so soon. If he was given the head of the family in this instance, how would he handle it? With pride and a charming smile. But internally he would be scared because he knew he was not ready for it deep down inside him. 

[color=#c10300]"Your right though, it won't be easy...but someone has to do it. If I do it, I know it will get done..."[/color] His words were smooth and confident. He believed in his own ability to get things done. As he spoke those words, he wondered for a split second what Alonso's thoughts were on him being the heir now of the third Talon family. A talon who actually runs the city. Talon's runs the crows. Crows who killed his father. Would there be resentment toward him? A feeling of guilt pierced him deep within himself. A crack of emotion suddenly began to quake. Emotions he locked away had begun to stir.  

Eularia tilted her head slightly. You know, before Francesco, my only family was the Crows. She spoke carefully, choosing her words wisely. I had... a family, outside of the Crows, but they were not... kind. The Second Talon, however, she smiled softly as she thought of her adoptive father. Was.

She hummed at the boy. But my father has never forced me to do anything I did not want. She stated, reaching to squeeze Julian's shoulder. There is always a choice. Always a way to change the outcome.

The queen's smile was gentle, and she patted the boy on the back. Your life is your own, Julian. Don't let others control your world.

The grasp of the Queen's hand on his shoulder caused Julian to internally want to move out within the shift. But he stood there to not cause alarm. His father would do this to him when he was getting lectured, or if he wanted Julian to notice something important. A choice? Did he have a choice? If he said no to the heir, it would be passed down to his sister but what would that be due to his family's name? How much shame would that bring? Even if he didn't want to be heir, this was the life he had to do. Regardless of the choice. A feint reassuring smile formed on his face. [color=#c10300]"And choices has consequences, my Queen. Whether I make a choice, there is always a reaction to that choice." [/color]

His family meant the world to him. He would never want to tarnish the name but he also didn't want to do the same thing his father did. If he was going to take the head of the family, he was going to do it in his own way. Carve his own destiny and path. But part of him felt like he was never good enough. The sudden stir of emotions swirled within him. With his mother's death, he never truly believed that his father blamed his kids for the death. He was a good father but at the same time, he was never there. The weight of having to grow up as a Talon put a heavy weight on him. Luckily he was never alone. He had his twin sister and his brother. But even his own darkest thoughts, he never shared with anyone. 

[color=#c10300]"Family must stay together...."[/color] The facade of his smile broke slightly. The pain of his emotions gushed out for all but a second. There was so much pressure for him to not fail. Feeling his emotions crack, the smile and confidence reestablished like a wall of force around him. "We do anything for our family...." Julian had a sense that the Queen would understand these words. She would do anything for Alonso and Fran. Julian would do anything for his sister and brother. Even his father if it came down to it. If he had to kill, he would kill. Cover up, done. It wasn't a matter of morals for him. It was a matter of protecting his family. 

Eularia dipped her head. Anything for family, even if it means giving up who you are. She chuckled quietly, patting the boy on the shoulder. Decide if you can live with that consequence, Julian. The consequence of giving up everything that you are, to serve a purpose, a role you do not want. It isn't easy.

She'd given up a lot to ensure her family was cared for; that she was what the public wanted, that she met the greedy-eyed vipers of the noble class with similar or better. She'd spent her life proving herself, and so she had spent her life losing herself. Especially with her husband gone; he'd always forced her to not be so regal, to forego some of her work.

I will see you, again, I'm sure. She mused, as she went to leave. She had somewhere else to be, someone else to talk too. There were vipers waiting in every corner, hoping they'd see the queen crack.