A colorful celebration of life

As far as things go, they arrived with little fanfare.  Magnus had made the arrangements quietly.  The visit wasn't about her position, it was about celebration and information (always about information).  

Alrathan was alive with the colors of spring, making everything seem to hum with vibrant energy.  It was breathtaking. 

The joy had not been lost on Eularia, either.  She seemed to glow with the promise of life and joy, with the promise of a future that was not full of dreariness and dread.  Seeing the weight lifted off her shoulders made his heart leap in his chest.
  
He stood at the window of the common area that separated their individual sleeping quarters and marveled at the beauty all around them.  His body swayed gently with the sound of the music spilling in from the festivities outside.  Turning away, he took a few steps toward her, making sure they could not be observed by those who may happen to know exactly where they should look. 

He picked a small bloom out of a bunch he had gotten earlier, a gentle tangerine flower that smelled faintly like honeysuckle and orange blossom, and tucked it behind her ear.  He loved the easy way she moved when not bound by formality.  Each day they were together she seemed to become more herself, recovering from the months of crushing uncertainty and loss.  He was sure that he, too, was markedly different than he had been in years - even if only inwardly so.  

[color=#7CD98A]"This celebration of life suits you, Lara." [/color]

He lived for moments like this...the exhilarating closeness they shared when they were alone and could finally let down their guard.   He knew everything outside, in the world, was complicated...but moments together made all of that worth bearing.

Eularia's nights were no longer quiet and lonesome; less so since Magnus had come to the palace as one of her new advisors. She'd finally offed the old cabinet and instituted a new one. Men and women, people who knew the streets, knew the people, knew the Crows. But this did not mean that she did not have worries; and sometimes worry turned to denial. And denial, well, was stronger than most things. She had to have her clothing altered slightly, denied the reason why, and in a subconscious response, she maintained a glamour. As if that would make everything okay.

For the moment, though, her denial and all worries were forgotten, as she gazed out the window watching the festivities below them. Festivals were rarely one day, and Eularia had tasked Magnus with ensuring they'd have somewhere to stay. She was enjoying being away from the needs of the kingdom for the time. And she'd felt safe enough to leave the kingdom when she'd heard the First Talon was busy in Rivain. She had no doubts they'd run into him here today, but then, perhaps he'd be too busy to care.

Eularia stepped away from the window, as he tucked a flower behind of her ear. She grinned, mischievously upwards. Softie, she mumbled, glancing around — not as carefully as she should be but careful enough to determine there was no-one watching them — before she leaned for a quick kiss. No-one was watching them; their guards down. She was smiling, and there was a hint of smile in his eyes. 

Pity that Antiva never does anything like this. She mused, reaching for his hand. We're not staying inside all day, are we? She raised her eyebrows. She'd not danced in ages, but it had once been her lifeline, her favorite thing to do. And she'd dressed to dance, a loosely-laced white top, a yellow skirt with a few layers of differing colors, and a matching headband to keep her hair out of her face. Barefooted with no plans to find shoes, anytime soon. Her hair was wild, tangle-free and down past her shoulders.

You have to dance with me, Maggy. The nickname slipped off her tongue before she could shorten it. No waltzing, though. She was quick to inform him, as if she thought he'd ask her to waltz when the dances being done down below were more akin to what she'd done in taverns for coin. Easy-going, made up, fun. She tugged his hands, And... maybe we go down there to dance? In public?

She sounded uncertain about this particular ask; she was a widow and noble standards said that her grieving period was not over for another three or four months, when her husband had been 'dead' for a year. And she wasn't certain that she wanted to endure any ridicule sent her way for being seen with another man so soon—but then, that was just one of the many reasons she was in denial about her new clothing sizes. The seamstress was probably talking; gossip was the way of the world, after all. 

I'm queen of a nation. I can... handle not fitting the noble standard. Besides, I think Antiva needs new standards. Because she was not, and had never been noble. She was raised on the streets, an apostate mage and thief. She'd tried so hard for so long to be the queen born to nobility that the Antivan noble society craved; but she was starting to see that she'd never fit in nor be what they sought, purely because the noble biddies would never be happy for her role in the nation. Because it was not them. And jealousy was a dangerous thing. 

So, please? Dance with me. She tugged his hands again. She sounded more certain of the request.

The smile spread across Magnus's face and he stepped toward her, lifting his hand to hold hers as she spun around on light feet.  He loved when she danced, loved the merry glee with which she moved her body to the music, lighting up the room and spreading joy to everyone fortunate enough to be near. 

Back then, her enthusiasm had been enough to get even him, all left feet and uncoordinated limbs, to join the fray.  It was awkward and no doubt painful at first, but she patiently taught him how to let the tune carry his movement.  He had never been good at it, though.  

But things had changed...as time had a habit of doing.  Now as he stepped into her dance, he did so seamlessly, melting into the rhythm as their individual motions combined perfectly.  It had taken him years of frustrating practice to master the ability...but he had been determined that should he ever be given the opportunity to dance with her again, he would never hesitate for even a moment.  

[color=#7CD98A]"I will dance with you whenever and wherever you choose."  [/color]

He had no doubt someone would take notice of who they were...it was foolish to think otherwise.  Tongues would wag...but that was inevitable.  Besides, it was high time Eularia took back her power.  

Of course, he wasn't a fool, either.  He'd glamour her...if for no other reason than to help keep her safe.  A queen in a crowded festival was an easy target.  He wanted her to forget her troubles...but that didn't mean he could.  Luckily, he had also practiced the art of being extremely alert while looking completely carefree.  

He swept her into a lift and then back down into his arms, a small voice in the back of his mind pushing him to make sure the movement was smoother than really was necessary.  

[color=#7CD98A]"This is a celebration - we should experience as much of it as we can."[/color]  There would be celebrating done in private, later.  Now, though, was the time for soaking up as much of the festive atmosphere as possible.

Eularia was expecting him to refuse; she knew him as the gangly mess of limbs and two left feet. Not as a dancer, but gods, had she been so excited every time that he'd dance with her. Even if he looked like an idiot, she never saw him that way.

His movements this time were easy and swift, and she gasped as he swept her into a lift, You've been practicing! She couldn't help the laughter that quickly followed, nor the way her cheeks flushed.

Who taught you, I need to give them my thanks. She declared, as she grinned upward. Easy-going in a way she's not been since the loss of her husband. Why Alfred had not brought the man home, she could not fathom. But the butler had sent her no updates since she'd sent him on his search months ago.

Fingers twining through his, she turned and started down the stairs of their little tree-abode, pulling him with her. They'd weave through the crowds, until they found the musicians, and were standing in front of the musicians.

Eularia leaned into her advisor, grinning up at him. A stupid grin, one where if someone did not know who they were, they'd say she was dumbstruck with love. It faded after a second, when she realized. Their agreement had been to be nothing more than friends; and she kept forgetting that.

C'mon. She insisted, still smiling, though the energy of the smile was different. She'd lead them through a dance or two, before tiring and pulling her partner with her towards a patch of soft moss, still in range of the music. But she was able to settle onto the ground, eventually laying flat against the moist bed of moss.

I wish we could be this way forever. She doesn't specify 'what way', whether she means her mood, her lack of distinct fear and need to be worried, or the way he made her feel when she forgot everything else.

Magnus lay down on his side next to her, his head propped up on a hand so he could see her face. Though...he was the only one who could see her face.  Others saw a similar woman, beautiful with glowing vivacity...but not the unmistakable visage of perfection that lay before him.  

As he marveled at the way her hair spread out in a halo around her, it felt like his chest grew tight and his breath caught in his throat.  She was flawless.

He touched her cheek gently.  He wanted to promise her that they could be...that he'd always be hers, that he'd always be just as in love as he was right now.  But that didn't mean that things would be just like this.  It didn't mean things wouldn't become complicated and chaotic.  

[color=#7CD98A]"Me too."[/color]   His hand moved away from her cheek and found hers, their fingers lacing together.  [color=#7CD98A]"But as long as I can be by your side, we can face whatever the future has in store for us."  [/color]

It was true.  Life had thrown every obstacle in front of them and, still, here they were: together. No matter what else happened, this singular moment made it all worthwhile.  Every moment they shared made it all worthwhile.  

[color=#7CD98A]"I love you, Lara."  [/color]

And there it was.  He'd promised to be whatever she could accept, whether that was friends, lovers...or more. He'd promised himself he wouldn't push her until she was ready.

But at this moment, there was nothing truer, nothing more genuine, than that simple statement.  He was absolutely and inconsolably head over heels in love with her.  If later she needed to pretend that this moment was too much sun and dancing and joy...so be it.  But he couldn't deny it now, not laying here like this next to her with the warm light spilling over their skin.

Eularia leaned into his touch, closing her eyes as he settled next to her. She could feel his magic around her person, in such a small quantity that she was not certain if it was because they were so close in contact, or if he might be doing something. She didn't want to know.

When he declared his love for her, she shifted her weight, and let her eyes open. Quiet, for a moment. I know. You broke our agreement. She tapped with her free hand, over the tattoo she'd noticed but never addressed. Acted as if it was no surprise. They were supposed to be friends with benefits, nothing more, nothing less. I... did too. She admitted, with a lazy hand reaching towards his face. Fingers caressing his cheek.

I want... to say it back. She sounds guilty; she is guilty. She has no doubt he's felt the slow-changing difference to her body, but it still wouldn't be real unless it was said out loud. But as she's lying there, stroking his face with her free hand, she cannot help but think how perfect this moment is. And she can't ignore the slowly creeping fear that he might not want a child; that he may leave. 

So she's quiet, regretting her decision to mention a secret, regretting his decision to say he loved her. For a moment their bright little corner of the world seems dark. As she snuggled into him, she mumbled under her breath, Do... you want children? Part of her hoped he did not hear her.

For just a moment, he forgot how to breathe.  The world seemed to jerk to a stop, then spin away at a breakneck speed to makeup for the hiccup in momentum.  

Children.  

She could be talking about hers.  About the family that was part and parcel with who she was.  He already loved them...if for no other reason than they were part of her.  

But he knew she wasn't talking about her children.  She was talking about their children.  

The strangest mixture of wonder and joy filled his heart.  But then came the memory of Zita and it took all his control not to wince from the pain.  He pushed the thought away.  Now wasn't the time... though it would undoubtedly be necessary at some point in the future.  Right now, though, she was talking about their children.  Their future.  

He swallowed.  

[color=#7CD98A]"Do you remember the night in the tavern when that kid...Cameron I think?...spilled his drink all over us and then Antonio got in a fight over some horse who had mysteriously disappeared out of the stables?"  [/color]

It was a night when everything that could have gone wrong, did go wrong.  And together, they had faced the pandemonium and laughed.  It was before they had made love for the first time, before they had allowed themselves to admit they were anything more than friends.

[color=#7CD98A]"I knew then, Lara.  I knew that together, we were unstoppable.  That was the night I fell in love with you."[/color]  He touched her cheek again.  [color=#7CD98A]"We've both lived a lot since then, but that hasn't changed.  I love you.  If me saying it hurts, then I'll stop.  But I can't promise to not love you when that's all I've ever done."  [/color]

He paused for a moment, searching for the words to describe what he felt in his heart.  Finally, he opted for the truth.  

[color=#7CD98A]"The thing I want most in all of Thedas is to spend the rest of my life by your side.  Beyond that, I can think of nothing that would make me happier, or more hopeful, or absolutely terrified in the most wonderful way, than the idea of having children with you."  [/color]

It was a dream he had given up long ago, denied to prevent the crushing pain of loss he felt each time he thought about it.  And yet...here it was in front of him.

Dark eyes searched his face, brows furrowing in confusion as he talked about something that didn't relate to what she was asking about. Where was his head? Was he avoiding the topic?

No—

He was telling her when he knew that he loved her. Speaking of a night when they'd just been friends, he was just her teacher. She couldn't help but grin at the memory; everything had gone wrong that night. Kid's name was Casey. She murmured, looking at him like there's nothing else going on; for the moment he has her full attention. He'd given her his shirt to wear, because her dress didn't dry out enough to be comfortable.

And he's explaining that they had been unstoppable, they've both lived since then. He loved her, he always would—

Then he is telling her that the only thing he wants in all of the world is to stay by her side, describing how excited a child might be, despite the fear involved.

And she's crying, silent tears that she does not notice. For a long time the only sound are her sniffles, before she exhaled out one time. It's... not that it hurts. To hear that you love me, she is quiet as she considered her words carefully.

I... love you, too. She's hesitant, because her heart is divided. And I'm really glad that you want children. Not just because she has children, albeit three of them are grown. She wiped her tears on his shirt, and as she did so, she felt the sustained glamour that she had been holding, though she had not realized she'd been glamouring, fade. 'cause you're gonna be a dad, she giggled softly, burying her face against his chest.

The laughter, muffled now, sounded almost hysteric. It's followed by tears, chest-wracking sobs. Saying it out loud, meant that she had to acknowledge that she was cheating on her husband. She was enjoying it. And as she sobbed, she'd try to explain, but it wouldn't be the whole story. The most Magnus might get is that Frankie was alive, but everything else was absolutely drowned out by her tears.

Magnus wrapped his arms around her and pulled her body against his as she cried, strengthening the glamor that he'd held on her all night to keep prying eyes away and prevent recognition.  

This moment was theirs, and theirs alone.  

[color=#7CD98A]"I know, Lara.  I know." [/color] He'd seen how conflicted she was, he'd noticed how troubled she looked each time she realized how happy she was.  He knew how painful it was for her to admit she loved him.  He understood.  But that didn't diminish the feelings they shared.

He kissed her forehead, his hands gently rubbing her back as his arms remained protectively around her. [color=#7CD98A] "Love is allowed, E.  As long as we hold on to that, we get through whatever comes." [/color] He looked tilted his head so he could look into her eyes.  [color=#7CD98A]"It's okay to be happy and sad and scared.  Our love doesn't take away from all the other feelings you have.  It's okay to love us both."  [/color]

He could feel his heart pounding in his chest.  He was going to be a father, again.  Thinking about it threatened to overwhelm him and, deep down, he was grateful he could focus on comforting her right now instead of dealing with the memories trying to break free. 

He kissed her.  It wasn't the consuming kiss he'd give her later, but one that resonated with hope and tenderness.  [color=#7CD98A]"Our child was made with love and will grow up being loved.  The rest we can figure out as we go."  [/color]

He could feel the thoughts starting to churn in his mind.  The precariousness, the choices coming, the danger.  They'd need to talk, to plan.  But that was a conversation for a future time.  For now, he just wanted to hold her.  Them.  He wanted to hold them.

Eularia sniffled, listened as he reassured her. But you promised we'd just, she shook her head, slightly. we were supposed to be just friends. Actually, Magnus had promised to be what she needed; and as time had gone on that need had obviously changed from just a friend.

The kiss to her forehead, the way he held her, he said all the right things. And she sniffled, blinking back more tears when he said she could love them both. Could she? She knew she did—

It doesn't... doesn't bother you? That she loved him, and she loved her husband, she meant. He kissed her before she could clarify, though. A gentle kiss, reassuring.

And she wiped her eyes, laughing quietly, You're still so confident. All these years later, it's like you've never changed. She was smiling though, and the silence this time wasn't soul-crushing. It was... comfortable.

He said she could love them both.

And she did.

Thank you. She whispered, leaning for another kiss. Easy, soft, quick.

The soft glow of perfection seemed to settle over them again, blanketing the pair in the golden haze that seems to shroud memories untouched by the troubles of the world.  

Magnus wanted to close his eyes, to open his heart completely and live in the beauty and wonder of the moment.  But he also wanted to drink in every detail, to etch this moment into his soul as evidence of the goodness and enchantment that comes from love.  

He knew all too well how quickly things could change, and how much pain and sorrow could also come from love.  He knew all too well that with brilliant sunlight comes deep, dark shadows.  

And he knew there were dark days ahead.  That's the way it worked.  

Thoughts of Zita rushed back, but he pushed them away again.  He couldn't deal with that right now, not in public - even with the glamour he'd (barely) managed to maintain. Moreover, he couldn't let the anguish of her loss corrupt the joy he now felt.  

His mind moved on, wandering next to Eularia's question.  Did it bother him that she loved them both?  Part of his mind railed at the idea that he wasn't enough, that she'd need something that he couldn't provide better.  But...that's not the way love works.  That's not the way life works.  Did it bother him that she loved them both?  No.  Because he loved her, and loving her meant not only accepting every bit the heart that she could give, but understanding there were also parts that belonged to other people. She wasn't his possession, and he'd never forgive himself if he made her feel like what she was wasn't enough for him.  

His earlier words echoed in his thoughts.  "The thing I want most in all of Thedas is to spend the rest of my life by your side."  It wasn't true.  The thing he wanted most was for her to be happy.  He only hoped that she needed him by her side for that to happen.

Eularia felt his magic wavering, fading some, coming back with force. And she whispered in his ear, that maybe it was time for a rest indoors. Away from prying eyes, away from seeking ears. She moved to find her feet, one hand grasping his as she waited on him to join her.

He didn't give her a response; if it bothered him that she loved them both. She let herself believe that the answer was no, but some part of her recognized it was very likely, a yes.

As they made their way back to their room, she was smiling, walking backwards so that she might face him. She trusted he'd not let her injure herself. Her magic was searching for his, intertwining with his. Her mind reaching out, attempting to find him. What was he thinking about that made his magic so unstable?

Magnus? She murmured, as she felt the stairs beneath her feet, and then the cool air of their room. Are you okay? The way she asks, it's not a chance to answer, it's... more, polite to phrase it as a question. Your magic feels... less stable.

He stood with her, holding her hands and rejoicing in the delight he felt each time she gazed at him.  

[color=#7CD98A]"I'm okay, E.  Really.  I'm happier than I can remember being in a really long time." [/color] There was a pause as he searched for the words.  [color=#7CD98A]"I'm...scared, too, but much more happy than scared." [/color]

Scared wasn't an emotion he experienced often...in fact, it wasn't until he'd had love and lost it that he knew what it was like to be truly afraid.  It shook him to his core.  

[color=#7CD98A]"I promise, I'll explain.  But right now, right now I want to live in the joy and the love and perfection of this moment.  Right now, the only thing I want to do is celebrate."  [/color]

Right now, he wanted to make love to her, to fall asleep with their bodies pressed against each other, skin on skin, and to wake to the soft scent of her hair and gentle sounds of her rhythmic breathing and the absolutely endearing and very rare snort that escaped her during particularly deep sleep.  He needed it as much as he needed air.

Eularia shook her head, You're not the only one that's afraid. You can tell me when you're ready. Squeezing his hands, she leaned for a kiss.

And a kiss usually led to something more.

...One Day Later...

The festivities were winding down, or she was. She wasn't certain. But nevertheless, she was making breakfast for the two of them, ignoring the fact that the distinct smell of cooking eggs made her stomach turn.

Plating the eggs, bacon soon follows, with a pancake or two a piece. Berry syrup placed in the center of the table. It was domestic, like a little slice of heaven.

Though it was missing one thing.

Magnus. She'd let him sleep in; he'd celebrated the news with drinks, and while she was pretty sure he wasn't hung over, they'd stayed up rather late.

She made her way to the bed, settling on the edge of it. Maggy, breakfast.

At the sound of her voice, Magnus lifted his head and opened his eyes.  The vision of her padding around barefoot wearing only his shirt took his breath away and he let a huge smile spread across his face.  If the tray hadn't been on the edge of the bed, he would have pulled her back into it.  

[color=#7CD98A]"Good morning, sunshine." [/color] He looked down at the tray and all the things on it.  [color=#7CD98A]"My gods, you've been busy.  You should have let me help." [/color] The thought of cooking with her in the kitchen made his smile grow...though he suspected preparing food would be the second priority.

He leaned over and kissed her gently.  

[color=#7CD98A]"I'd ask how you slept...but from the looks of it I'm not sure you did."  [/color]